necrotix
necrotix the borderline ā attempts : 2
- Jan 17, 2026
- 5
contemplating CTB tonighhtt!!! maybe planning if things get too bad and i cant wrap this up soon.
i have only two people i talk to really at all. my boyfriend and my best friend of about 6 years. there are others, but they are either rarely online or not even my friend [my headmate's]
we dont talk that regularly either, maybe every couple of days. my boyfriend is the only person i have consistent conversation with
he is my best friend. im not his. he has at least 5 other people he values more than me and it isnt difficult to see at all
i dont want to go super in depth about it because i dont want to think about it too much anymore, if i can help it, which isnt linely. i spiral about this so often and i split at least once a month about it. i just need to get my feelings out and try to get some sleep
i want to be his best friend. i want him to prioritise time with me, talk to me, love me, give ME attention. he knows this, too, but he doesnt really care too much. he says he tries to give me more time but i know he doesnt fucking care because hes selfish and an asshole
he always values their opinions more than mine. i will warn him about something and i get a half assed response or a laugh and then somebody else says jt and SUDDENLY THEYRE A GOD DAMN GENIUS
any time i even try to express how i feel it has to become a joke or all i get it a "my bad" and nothing fucking else never anything else. when i try to tell him how i feel about the way he treats me im eventually just gonna get ghosted cuz he got SOOOO UPSET and obviously his feelings matter more than mine do! so he then goes and fucks off with his other friends that are so cool and fun and funny and his BEST FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WORLD WHILE I JUST HAVE TO WATCH AND HOPE MAYBE SOME DAY ILL GET INVITED EVEN THOUGH I AM LITERALLLY RIGHT THERE AND CAN SEE THEM AND THEY KNOW I CAN SEE THEM BUT FUCK WHEN DOES WHAT I WANT MATTER WHEN DOES WHAT I FEEL MATTER WHEN DOES WHAT I DO MATTER
BECAJSE ITS ALWAYS "I STILL VALUE YOU, I WANT YOU TO OMOW THAT I CARE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I THINK ABOUT YOU" REALLG? DO YOU? YOU LIKE TO THINK ABOUT ME MORE THAN YOU ACTUALLY LIKE TO TALK TO ME? FIGURES, HONESTLY. EVEN WHEN IM THE SUBJECY OF THE FUCKING CONVERSAYION YOU WOULD STILL RATHWR TALK ABOUT ME TO YOUR GOD DAMN BEST FRIENDS EVER WHO COULDNT CARE LESS ABOUT ME EVEN THOUGH I DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO BE NICE AND BE THEIR FRIENDS TOO WHEN I HATE THEIR GUTS. I HATE YOUR FRIENDS I HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM I WANT THEM ALL DEAD JUST LIKE I WANT YOU DEAD. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I FUCKING HATE YOU
no i dont. i love you. i still want you dead though. i want us both to die together and i want to be the one to kill you and make you cry while i do it. you deserve it even though i know you dont. you deserve it. i deserve it. i fucking hate you
i have only two people i talk to really at all. my boyfriend and my best friend of about 6 years. there are others, but they are either rarely online or not even my friend [my headmate's]
we dont talk that regularly either, maybe every couple of days. my boyfriend is the only person i have consistent conversation with
he is my best friend. im not his. he has at least 5 other people he values more than me and it isnt difficult to see at all
i dont want to go super in depth about it because i dont want to think about it too much anymore, if i can help it, which isnt linely. i spiral about this so often and i split at least once a month about it. i just need to get my feelings out and try to get some sleep
i want to be his best friend. i want him to prioritise time with me, talk to me, love me, give ME attention. he knows this, too, but he doesnt really care too much. he says he tries to give me more time but i know he doesnt fucking care because hes selfish and an asshole
he always values their opinions more than mine. i will warn him about something and i get a half assed response or a laugh and then somebody else says jt and SUDDENLY THEYRE A GOD DAMN GENIUS
any time i even try to express how i feel it has to become a joke or all i get it a "my bad" and nothing fucking else never anything else. when i try to tell him how i feel about the way he treats me im eventually just gonna get ghosted cuz he got SOOOO UPSET and obviously his feelings matter more than mine do! so he then goes and fucks off with his other friends that are so cool and fun and funny and his BEST FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WORLD WHILE I JUST HAVE TO WATCH AND HOPE MAYBE SOME DAY ILL GET INVITED EVEN THOUGH I AM LITERALLLY RIGHT THERE AND CAN SEE THEM AND THEY KNOW I CAN SEE THEM BUT FUCK WHEN DOES WHAT I WANT MATTER WHEN DOES WHAT I FEEL MATTER WHEN DOES WHAT I DO MATTER
BECAJSE ITS ALWAYS "I STILL VALUE YOU, I WANT YOU TO OMOW THAT I CARE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I THINK ABOUT YOU" REALLG? DO YOU? YOU LIKE TO THINK ABOUT ME MORE THAN YOU ACTUALLY LIKE TO TALK TO ME? FIGURES, HONESTLY. EVEN WHEN IM THE SUBJECY OF THE FUCKING CONVERSAYION YOU WOULD STILL RATHWR TALK ABOUT ME TO YOUR GOD DAMN BEST FRIENDS EVER WHO COULDNT CARE LESS ABOUT ME EVEN THOUGH I DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO BE NICE AND BE THEIR FRIENDS TOO WHEN I HATE THEIR GUTS. I HATE YOUR FRIENDS I HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM I WANT THEM ALL DEAD JUST LIKE I WANT YOU DEAD. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I FUCKING HATE YOU
no i dont. i love you. i still want you dead though. i want us both to die together and i want to be the one to kill you and make you cry while i do it. you deserve it even though i know you dont. you deserve it. i deserve it. i fucking hate you
