Help Bone-breaking as form of self harm? (Fingers)

[inhabitinglots]

Hey! I'm genuinely sorry if this is in the wrong section (I couldn't decide if this belonged in off-topic or here, I saw someone ask questions about SH methods in here though, so yeah.) I assumed someone would have already spoken about this on here but it appears I was wrong. Does anyone know, or have any experience, with breaking their fingers? I don't care about how painful it is, I never have cared about the pain, so I don't need a painless method, I just need a method that minimizes the chance of permanent damage. Honestly they don't need to be severe either, just enough to need a splint so I wont fuck with it once I've broken them. I assume the safest two to break would be my non-dominant pinky and ring finger.

I'm not entirely sure how to explain WHY I need to do this... Like I mean to pre-answer any questions like "Why not just cut yourself?" or "Why break your fingers?" I have really severe compulsions and the point is that I'll be breaking my fingers or cutting one off either way, I don't really want to but I need to and I know I'd rather break a couple tonight. This has happened in other areas/ways and I've gotten lucky that all I have is some nerve damage. I guess my point is that I'm genuinely trying to practice harm reduction. I like my hands and using them (working out, writing, baking etc.) and would rather prefer I don't leave lasting, life-long, life-altering damage. I don't know what would and what wouldn't. Sorry If this is a really weird ask, Thanks for anyone who has any answers for me. I'm also willing to provide updates for anyone who wants them

TDLR; I need to break a few fingers, what's the safest and least harmful way to do so? Pain isn't an issue.

 

[sserafim]

Why not just crack your knuckles? I do that when I'm anxious

 

[Ash]

I don't know, I'm afraid but when I was in an accident a few years ago, resulting in nerve damage to the ring finger on my non-dominant hand, the consultant I saw said that if he was going to hurt a finger without knowing what the consequences would be, he said that's the one he would sacrifice. I don't know if that helps?

Hope you're able to minimise any damage.

 

[inhabitinglots]

Why not just crack your knuckles? I do that when I'm anxious

I wish I could better explain my compulsions, like I'm trying to come off as calm but irl I'm anything but. My brain wont gonna let it go or let me calm down/think clearly or about anything else until I do something. I've been trying that (just cracking my knuckles, bending my fingers) but nothing non-painful/non-tangible as just a flat out break or sprain is helping. Its either breaking them or cutting off the tip of one, and I know which of those is worse, but I'm just out of my depth on how to not fuck-up the break.

I don't know, I'm afraid but when I was in an accident a few years ago, resulting in nerve damage to the ring finger on my non-dominant hand, the consultant I saw said that if he was going to hurt a finger without knowing what the consequences would be, he said that's the one he would sacrifice. I don't know if that helps?

Hope you're able to minimise any damage.

That does help! Thanks so much. I don't want to intrude on your experience , but if you're comfortable answering, how has it been for you since? In terms of nerve damage/movement and functionality I mean. Of course you don't have to answer if you're uncomfortable, I understand that entirely

 

[Tesha]

I'm not advocating breaking bones, but have you tried slapping the back of your hand against a wall? If you catch it right, you can bruise knuckles and have swelling without much other damage. It hurts.

I'm certainly not advocating punching walls, as that can do some real permanent damage.

 

[Ash]

That does help! Thanks so much. I don't want to intrude on your experience , but if you're comfortable answering, how has it been for you since? In terms of nerve damage/movement and functionality I mean.

I was very lucky. For ages I had no feeling in the tip of my ring finger and down the side of that finger and then up the side of the middle finger. Then I got the feeling back in my middle finger, followed by the side of the ring finger. Then for ages I had tingling (like pins and needles) in the tip of my ring finger which was annoying but not painful. At that point the consultant said the nerves were trying to regenerate and reconnect and I'd either get back full feeling, some feeling or no feeling at all, and the worst case scenario is that I'd be stuck with the tingling. Thankfully that subsided and I've got back most of the feeling except for the very tip. It hurts like hell if I bang the tip as the nerves further in are hyper sensitive but I'm used to it now and I've actually got worse damage to the thumb on that hand from a childhood injury.

What I will say (as someone who self harms to the extent that I've made student nurses and doctors run from the room to throw up) is to be very careful with your hands and fingers. They're delicate, difficult to treat and it's very easy to take them for granted. I injured the wrist on my dominant hand during the pandemic and even things like wiping myself after going to the toilet were too painful!

Take care and be as safe as you can. Don't do anything impulsively.

 

[Ash]

Also, I can't believe I forgot to say this (my only defence is that I actually forgot until I remembered replying to a different thread ) but when I was a child I accidentally caught my thumb in something and the end had to be amputated. It looks weird but I was so young when it happened that I can't imagine having a normal thumb.

But I will say that it hurts like hell if my hand gets cold in winter. I have to wear waterproof gloves if I want to throw snowballs in winter, as an example, otherwise the pain is excruciating. Don't chop anything off as you do lose functionality and you don't know what other damage you might cause.

 

[willitpass]

I've also got horrible self harm urges and have actually tried to ligature a finger off before. I am not advocating you do this, but I also understand that when a compulsion comes it is near impossible to ignore. As far as harm reduction this is a tough one because there is no scientific way to properly break a finger in the perfect way to know you won't cause long term damage. In the past I've hit my wrist over and over and over again with a heavy bottle. It didn't break but was very painful and VERY swollen so it's possible you could do that and get the feeling you desire without ever actually breaking your finger? I hope you are able to get relief from your compulsions without causing too much damage, I'm in the same boat of living with extreme self harm.