Venting Body dysmorphia as a male

[cylus46]

I work so hard. 3 years gym
Went from 18 yrs old, 5'11 92lbs male
21yrs old at 170lbs. Stretchmarks kn my bsck from rapid muscle growth, biceps vieny and according to others "big", pecs is can bounce and jiggle at will, abs just from existing. Yet I still feel so fucking unloved and unwanted, even with a girlfriend who dosent make me a priority in her life anymore. I see dudes my age irl double the size and aesthetics at my college most younger then me, I see dudes online pecs the size of my head, biceps triple the size of mine with the perfect face

And I hate myself
I want to cry I want to take riods as a form of suicide or just to get me the body i want so bad...I just want to be seen and loved and my body is a miserable failure. I hate it i hate myself

I cant breathe...I just want to be like them...so badly

 

[WakingNightmare]

Sounds like you were extremely underweight 3 years ago, sounds like you might have had some sort of illness. I actually went through the exact same weight transition as you, just over a longer time.

I think you should be proud of how far you have come considering your starting point, and for our height you still have heaps of potential to get bigger. You need to try and forget about abs etc temporarily and just bulk as much as you can, fat can be lost afterwards. Steroids should be used after you are close to peak natty for best effects is my understanding.

 

[Jadeith]

Somehow i don't think your body is the problem here. Your looks is what may attract potential partner but it's the personality compatibility between you and them what keeps y'all together. From my life's experience (i'm twice as old as you and accumulated decent amount of shitty memories) - you don't want a partner who is with you only for your looks because there's always someone taller, younger, better looking and warming up with your max.
If she's not making you her priority then she's not worth your effort. You need someone who will appreciate you for being you, not some imaginary version of you.

 

[BillyBob]

Getting any form of help will be a huge struggle as a male sadly, and for Body dysmorphia it will be even harder.

My own experience dealing with it has been a complete and utter nightmare too so I know the feelings you are going through.
I have been dealing with anorexia nervosa for well over 6 years now and it is destroying me and every time I look in the mirror I see a super obese person.
It makes me want to die even more when I look in the mirror so I do it as little as possible but sadly I will end up dyeing in the end from m condition or by my own hands from not wanting to get fat again or the pain of it all.

All I can say is I feel sympathy for what you are dealing with as it sucks big time and every waking moment is spent thinking about your body or death and there is no room for anything else in the thought pattern you have.

Sorry for what you are dealing with. But I am glad you managed to put on some form of weight from how low it was for you and all I can do it wish the best that you are able to put on more muscle from going to the gym.

 

[lysergamide]

bro get a new girlfriend.

 

[cylus46]

Sounds like you were extremely underweight 3 years ago, sounds like you might have had some sort of illness. I actually went through the exact same weight transition as you, just over a longer time.

I think you should be proud of how far you have come considering your starting point, and for our height you still have heaps of potential to get bigger. You need to try and forget about abs etc temporarily and just bulk as much as you can, fat can be lost afterwards. Steroids should be used after you are close to peak natty for best effects is my understanding.

Yes i agree. I dont mind being fat acc if I was able to hold fat. I bulked 8k cals b4 put on mainly muscle. Had sum tummy fat but still kept the abs when standing. But if I was huge arms, back, boulder shoulders with a pudgy tummy? I wouldnt mind that. I just want a good frame and even putting on as much muscle as I have my frame seems to forever small and It fucks with me because everyone says im built but I feel worse then when I was 90lbs because atleast then people saw me how I see myself

bro get a new girlfriend.

LMAO I definitely could but if I break up with this girl I'll either kill myself or just call it quits lol

Getting any form of help will be a huge struggle as a male sadly, and for Body dysmorphia it will be even harder.

My own experience dealing with it has been a complete and utter nightmare too so I know the feelings you are going through.
I have been dealing with anorexia nervosa for well over 6 years now and it is destroying me and every time I look in the mirror I see a super obese person.
It makes me want to die even more when I look in the mirror so I do it as little as possible but sadly I will end up dyeing in the end from m condition or by my own hands from not wanting to get fat again or the pain of it all.

All I can say is I feel sympathy for what you are dealing with as it sucks big time and every waking moment is spent thinking about your body or death and there is no room for anything else in the thought pattern you have.

Sorry for what you are dealing with. But I am glad you managed to put on some form of weight from how low it was for you and all I can do it wish the best that you are able to put on more muscle from going to the gym.

Wish the best for your body journey too broski. I envy bigger people i dont mind being fat if I could asling as I had muscles to create my frame fuck the abs LMAO. Its crazy how people goals for themselves can vary so much but its nice to see how others see themselves. Makes me feel less alone in my body dysmorphia

 

[stardewwindceres]

I'm not male, but I have body dysmorphia and have been dealing with anorexia and then anorexia relapses on and off since I was a teenager. I don't know exactly what you are going through, but I do know how awful it is to know your own body as an enemy and to want to change it so bad, you feel like, and sometimes will, do anything to change it. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.