Empty Smile
The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
- Jul 13, 2018
- 1,785
Some people got it, and some people don't."You're just coasting along," people always told me. "You need to put out more effort."
I should have listened. I was one of two National Merit Semifinalists at my high school. But wait, why didn't I take the smart kid classes with the other smart kids? Why did I always do the minimum?
Why did I study bullshit liberal arts majors in college--and still slack off so hard I couldn't come up with a senior thesis and graduate, preferring to have a mental breakdown instead?
Why did I quit the sport I loved and excelled at after two years of college? Didn't I know what a rare and fleeting opportunity this was?
Why did I watch so much porn and smoke so much weed?
Why did I work a menial job my whole 20s after the breakdown?
Why didn't I notice my mind getting even worse?
(I got into fringe political ideas better not discussed here for years before descending into religious fantasy and a full-on hobo-level schizo freakout back in the fall).
Old friends (and girls I dated) are now doctors, professors, lawyers, journalists, etc. I am a bus-riding menial laborer with roommates and no savings. And my fellow grunts despise me. There is no farther for me to fall.
Doors were open to me. People recognized potential in me. And I took a pass on all of it.
I guess you and I fall into the people don't category.