Imeavie
Sacred Garden
- May 6, 2025
- 88
The 13th was my birthday, and I need to vent somewhere that won't upset the few who care in my personal life.
My birthday has been terrible every year for the past 7 years. This one has been no different.
A minor medical issue.
A new bill that's eating $50 out of the $130 I'm given every month to survive on including food, hygienic supplies, a couple really cheap bills, etc.
My first birthday being single in 10 years as well.
I'm living on a couch, disabled, no real income, no car (also not physically safe to drive), stuck home every single day, and probably going to die alone. I can't meet anyone, nor would anyone date someone in my situation.
I just turned 30, and I'm lower than I have ever been in my life. I was the one everyone said would outshine them. I was the genius that had nothing but faith and pride from everyone. I was supposed to be the most successful person in my family, and friends. I had a college dean known me by name before even attending. I requested a tour of his school at 17 when I graduated highschooland took a test with the highest scores he had only seen 3 other times in the recent years.
Now I'm 30. I have nothing. I'm disabled, and have a separate injury from when I was 17, and just can't afford to fix. It degrades instead of healing.
I survive because a small handful of people allow me to with their charity. If even one of them stops, I'll lose what little I have. I'm eternally grateful for them, I really am. However, it's like asking for permission to survive, or make any choices in my own life.
______
To end things on a positive note, my Nana took me, and my papa to lunch she probably couldn't really afford. I chose his favorite place to eat because I think he needs it more than I do. I love them.
My dad, and my sister, despite their problems with each other right now, have come together to afford a gift for me. It will be a week late, but they are getting me the Palia OST Vinyl Record that I want but cannot afford. It could be a month late, or just not happen at all. The fact they have the intention, that is enough.
Lastly my brother is taking me on a trip to Tennessee for a day. We are going to a free art museum, wine tasting somewhere he goes every year, and a tasting of moonshine at the ole smokey moonshine distillery. He is also giving me $60 to buy wine to bring home. Afterwards we are going to eat at Bubba Gump Shrimp (yes it's real!).
Material things can't change my situation, nor do they really matter to me. However, the love, the consideration from these 5 very important people to me, this is enough.
_
Unrelated, groceries were cheap this month. Despite lower funds than usual, I have been eating healthier/better than I have the past year.
Melons of all kinds have been extremely cheap too. I may have overcompensated for my lack of expensive fruit in my very poor childhood. I have been eating watermelon, honey dew, golden honeydew, and soon a santa clause melon for the past 2 weeks. I bought them all at once so I have to eat a lot more.
I haven't been able to afford fruit in a long time.
Thank God for small miracles.
My birthday has been terrible every year for the past 7 years. This one has been no different.
A minor medical issue.
A new bill that's eating $50 out of the $130 I'm given every month to survive on including food, hygienic supplies, a couple really cheap bills, etc.
My first birthday being single in 10 years as well.
I'm living on a couch, disabled, no real income, no car (also not physically safe to drive), stuck home every single day, and probably going to die alone. I can't meet anyone, nor would anyone date someone in my situation.
I just turned 30, and I'm lower than I have ever been in my life. I was the one everyone said would outshine them. I was the genius that had nothing but faith and pride from everyone. I was supposed to be the most successful person in my family, and friends. I had a college dean known me by name before even attending. I requested a tour of his school at 17 when I graduated highschooland took a test with the highest scores he had only seen 3 other times in the recent years.
Now I'm 30. I have nothing. I'm disabled, and have a separate injury from when I was 17, and just can't afford to fix. It degrades instead of healing.
I survive because a small handful of people allow me to with their charity. If even one of them stops, I'll lose what little I have. I'm eternally grateful for them, I really am. However, it's like asking for permission to survive, or make any choices in my own life.
______
To end things on a positive note, my Nana took me, and my papa to lunch she probably couldn't really afford. I chose his favorite place to eat because I think he needs it more than I do. I love them.
My dad, and my sister, despite their problems with each other right now, have come together to afford a gift for me. It will be a week late, but they are getting me the Palia OST Vinyl Record that I want but cannot afford. It could be a month late, or just not happen at all. The fact they have the intention, that is enough.
Lastly my brother is taking me on a trip to Tennessee for a day. We are going to a free art museum, wine tasting somewhere he goes every year, and a tasting of moonshine at the ole smokey moonshine distillery. He is also giving me $60 to buy wine to bring home. Afterwards we are going to eat at Bubba Gump Shrimp (yes it's real!).
Material things can't change my situation, nor do they really matter to me. However, the love, the consideration from these 5 very important people to me, this is enough.
_
Unrelated, groceries were cheap this month. Despite lower funds than usual, I have been eating healthier/better than I have the past year.
Melons of all kinds have been extremely cheap too. I may have overcompensated for my lack of expensive fruit in my very poor childhood. I have been eating watermelon, honey dew, golden honeydew, and soon a santa clause melon for the past 2 weeks. I bought them all at once so I have to eat a lot more.
I haven't been able to afford fruit in a long time.
Thank God for small miracles.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY 
