Venting Bipolar hopelessness

[starlover]

Not too long ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar II. At first I was happy; finally I understood that my feelings had a reason behind them. I was born broken, not just broken on account of my own many fuck ups. And there are medications and help. Now that I knew the problem, I thought I could be cured, or at least managed to the point where it was just a minor thing.

No.

There is no cure for bipolar, and "managed" doesn't mean the problem shrinks to an inconvenience. And now I am realizing that I'll have to deal with recurring depressive episodes for my entire life, like the one I'm in now.

And I'm really starting to wonder what the point is. Sure, if I ctb my family would be devastated. But I'm devastated now. My life is devastation. Every day is me facing my devastation in the mirror. And I'm tired. And there is literally no hope that it'll get better.

I want to rest. It's not fair for me to be forced to live solely for others. I want to get to the next life, where I can be happy and free. Why should I live in misery just so others can feel good?

I am imagining the next life, the life of my dreams and fantasies. I am tired of waiting.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful and tiring what you have to endure, it certainly would be so cruel to expect one to suffer against their wishes in such a way, it's really understandable just wishing to be free from everything.