bipolar and the suicide plans that never stop

[farawaystara]

i have bipolar type 2. rapid cycling. and with it comes the thoughts. not once not twice but every single day

i have planned my suicide more times than i can count. different methods different places different notes. some detailed some just a blur. but always there. always in the back of my head like a background noise that never shuts up

people think bipolar is just mood swings. happy then sad. they dont know about the planning stage. the quiet stage. when youre not crying not screaming just calmly imagining how you would do it. thats the scariest part for me. not the breakdown. the calm

so i want to ask the other bipolar people here

do you also have detailed plans that you revisit like old memories

do you also feel like suicide is not just an option but a backup plan you keep updating

and when the depression hits hard do you actually feel closer to doing it or do you just add more details to the plan

and how do you deal with it when the thoughts dont stop for weeks

im asking for your real experience


so if you have a story share it here. no judgment. just real

let me know im not the only one who lives like this

 

[heldbyone]

Oh , hi another diagnosed bipolar here . Idk y im excited to find someone with same type too

Btw i get u so well its not the mood swing some weeks im hyper 24/7 sleepless like mad man some months in bed planning my whole funeral.


But do we have right actually to blame other to feel what we feel ?

 

[farawaystara]

Oh , hi another diagnosed bipolar here . Idk y im excited to find someone with same type too

Btw i get u so well its not the mood swing some weeks im hyper 24/7 sleepless like mad man some months in bed planning my whole funeral.


But do we have right actually to blame other to feel what we feel ?

Hi do you have type 2??