Discussion Binge eating is my drug of choice. What's yours?

[StarryEyed]

For any emotion or thought that sends me for a loop, I binge eat. That's my drug of choice as I don't like other drugs. Binge eating as a drug is both the food as a drug that alters body-mind chemistry as well as the behaviour as a drug.

Last night, I had an insane binge that came out of nowhere, because I was actually in a good place - consciously anyway. But the binge either caused or brought out of me the storm within. This sometimes happens. Waking up this morning, I'm still stuffed and feeling like shit for having lost control last night. The morning after a binge is always like an emotional and physical hangover. I used to beat myself up for binging, but I've learned it doesn't help prevent the binges and in fact it just makes me feel worse. I already feel like shit so I don't need to add fuel to the fire. So instead I have learned it's extra important in the morning to be gentle with myself and at the same time allow myself to feel like shit. I just finished a really yummy coffee. Now I'm going to have a gentle shower.

What's your drug of choice? How do you manage your feelings with your drug of choice?

 

[kompyany]

I used to love binge‑eating too. It gave me such intense comfort. But it also caused skin inflammation and prediabetes. My body couldn't keep up, so I had to let it go, much to my regret.

I still love good food XD. I'll never forget this old friend of mine.

 

[StarryEyed]

I used to love binge‑eating too. It gave me such intense comfort. But it also caused skin inflammation and prediabetes. My body couldn't keep up, so I had to let it go, much to my regret.

I still love good food XD. I'll never forget this old friend of mine.

Oh I get what you mean, like having lost a comforting friend, because that's how I feel about smoking. My body gave out on me too when I had breast cancer treatment 10 years ago. It just couldn't take the smoking anymore. I miss smoking like crazy and still crave. The frenzy mixed with the comfort of smoking and binging together put me in another dimension. The escape was so powerful. Do you have a replacement drug?

 

[kompyany]

Oh I get what you mean, like having lost a comforting friend, because that's how I feel about smoking. My body gave out on me too when I had breast cancer treatment 10 years ago. It just couldn't take the smoking anymore. I miss smoking like crazy and still crave. The frenzy mixed with the comfort of smoking and binging together put me in another dimension. The escape was so powerful. Do you have a replacement drug?

To be honest, I seem to be drawn to these kinds of escape mechanisms. I don't think I've learned how to handle overwhelming emotions. Whenever my feelings spike, I can't keep up a "normal" front. I know it isn't my fault, it's just… so hard to manage.

It used to be binge‑eating. Now it's excessive sleeping. That deep‑sleep state feels so comforting, almost like getting a small taste of death. There's a saying I like: "Sleep is a little sample of death." It feels very fitting to me.

I also vent by collecting all sorts of emotionally charged texts, both positive and negative. My attention often drifts, so I dump everything into my personal folder. Sometimes I'll save hundreds of entries in one go.

Spending hours squeezing out all that emotional water from my sponge keeps me from being completely overtaken by my feelings. It works for me, and it doesn't bother anyone else. People don't like hearing others' negativity or being around someone who's highly emotional. I've been labelled hard‑to‑get‑along‑with, moody and weird because of my emotions before.

But I've noticed a downside to this coping method: it can twist your own mood in return, and it's hard to regulate. Reading sad stories makes you cry, and that does release some tension, yet it can also leave you feeling low. When you read harsh, aggressive writing, you might resonate with it, or get caught in mental conflict. It can even make you come across as more extreme for a short while.

So this approach needs to be used carefully. Still, it's not some "proper" coping skill. It's just my instinctive way of protecting myself.

 

[Bombercrab]

picking my fingernails, i dont really have fingernails anymore atp.
so i guess picking where my fingernails were

 

[never mind me]

I simply like to take all kinds of drugs. I steer clear of cigarettes, because they are way too unhealthy with little reward. But I enjoy pretty much everything else: cocaine, heroine and other opoids, benzodiazepines, MDMA, amphetamine, weed, alcohol, LSD, magic mushrooms, ketamine, 2CB,... I alternate between differente drugs /substance classes, in order to not get addicted to anything. This has been working very well for me for over 15 years by now. The only drugs I consume pretty continuously are weed and coffee (if this counts as a drug).
I also like to cut myself, but it is not nearly as nice as taking drugs.

 

[literallynoone]

Alcohol I guess. I don't think I have a problem on the level of some people I know but thats just cope probably. I used to binge eat a lot but something changed in my head and I cant even look at a bag of chips. I do the same thing say I'll just have a shot of vodka or a glass of whiskey or two beers because why not I earned it. And then in the morning I wake up feeling like shit, I look at my phone there is at least 4 notfications I really would rather not read, one probably from a person I don't know. I really should stop but, I just dont know man.

 

[124afun15]

Now that I really think about it I don't have anything like that. I really only get SI when I think negatively but it's really rare. It's been a couple years since it last happened though. Really I just kinda get sad and it goes away. I don't have any long term gripes or issues.

I see alot of people get mad at things they can't change. Things I can't change I don't really get upset about.

 

[Insufficent]

I do binge-eating. Less nowdays, last time two weeks ago. A lot of chocolate covered nuts. The day after i had "hangover".

 

[StarryEyed]

To be honest, I seem to be drawn to these kinds of escape mechanisms. I don't think I've learned how to handle overwhelming emotions. Whenever my feelings spike, I can't keep up a "normal" front. I know it isn't my fault, it's just… so hard to manage.

It used to be binge‑eating. Now it's excessive sleeping. That deep‑sleep state feels so comforting, almost like getting a small taste of death. There's a saying I like: "Sleep is a little sample of death." It feels very fitting to me.

I also vent by collecting all sorts of emotionally charged texts, both positive and negative. My attention often drifts, so I dump everything into my personal folder. Sometimes I'll save hundreds of entries in one go.

Spending hours squeezing out all that emotional water from my sponge keeps me from being completely overtaken by my feelings. It works for me, and it doesn't bother anyone else. People don't like hearing others' negativity or being around someone who's highly emotional. I've been labelled hard‑to‑get‑along‑with, moody and weird because of my emotions before.

But I've noticed a downside to this coping method: it can twist your own mood in return, and it's hard to regulate. Reading sad stories makes you cry, and that does release some tension, yet it can also leave you feeling low. When you read harsh, aggressive writing, you might resonate with it, or get caught in mental conflict. It can even make you come across as more extreme for a short while.

So this approach needs to be used carefully. Still, it's not some "proper" coping skill. It's just my instinctive way of protecting myself.

Definitely an escape mechanism. I already have dissociation from trauma, but sometimes I need to be even more dissociated so the smoking and binging are great for that. Gawd what you say here is so beautiful, so poignant, "Spending hours squeezing out all that emotional water from my sponge keeps me from being completely overtaken by my feelings". I do the organising of stuff too with two different approaches - sink deeper into the mood, or change my mood. My favourite go-to's are organising my home, Pinterest scrolling and organising on my boards, and YouTube scrolling and organising my playlists. I agree with what you say that it can be hard to regulate, so it's unpredictable as to how it works. Like you say though, it is a rather harmless coping skill both to self and others. And same with oversleeping. I love how every time I go to sleep I know when I wake up I've just slept my way through an chunk of time that has brought me that much closer to death.

picking my fingernails, i dont really have fingernails anymore atp.
so i guess picking where my fingernails were

My sister picks the skin around her nails. It's brutal - red and raw and scabby. That's definitely an addiction for her too.

I simply like to take all kinds of drugs. I steer clear of cigarettes, because they are way too unhealthy with little reward. But I enjoy pretty much everything else: cocaine, heroine and other opoids, benzodiazepines, MDMA, amphetamine, weed, alcohol, LSD, magic mushrooms, ketamine, 2CB,... I alternate between differente drugs /substance classes, in order to not get addicted to anything. This has been working very well for me for over 15 years by now. The only drugs I consume pretty continuously are weed and coffee (if this counts as a drug).
I also like to cut myself, but it is not nearly as nice as taking drugs.

You know there is a lot of therapy done now with microdosing these drugs for therapy? So you were ahead of your time! I have a tendancy to psychosis due to trauma, so actually take meds to lessen the psychosis, to connect. But I agree that psychosis can be very helpful in managing fucked up thinking and feeling. Pretty ironic, isn't it?

Alcohol I guess. I don't think I have a problem on the level of some people I know but thats just cope probably. I used to binge eat a lot but something changed in my head and I cant even look at a bag of chips. I do the same thing say I'll just have a shot of vodka or a glass of whiskey or two beers because why not I earned it. And then in the morning I wake up feeling like shit, I look at my phone there is at least 4 notfications I really would rather not read, one probably from a person I don't know. I really should stop but, I just dont know man.

There's something humbling about feeling you can't stop, right? At least it is for me. So maybe that's a healthy thing? Humiliating too, which may be healthy too. You know, to keep us grounded in the reality that we're human. But I do hope something changes in my head too because I've really packed on the weight, and that's starting to make me feel gross. I don't purge when I binge, so it's just piling on the pounds, which feels yucky.

 

[literallynoone]

There's something humbling about feeling you can't stop, right? At least it is for me. So maybe that's a healthy thing? Humiliating too, which may be healthy too. You know, to keep us grounded in the reality that we're human. But I do hope something changes in my head too because I've really packed on the weight, and that's starting to make me feel gross. I don't purge when I binge, so it's just piling on the pounds, which feels yucky.

Humbling? I don't know if I'd look at it that way personally but I'm not a native English speaker so maybe I'm missing some context for the word.

I don't know if it would work for you but I've realized more recently that what made me stop binge eating wasn't going to the gym like I initially thought but the fact I was weighing myself before and after going. I don't know if you have a scale at home but for me just having one visible at most times was a good first start.
Second thing I'd recommend is grabbing a coke zero whenever you get the feeling for something sweet. I am not a healthcare professional but from everything I've seen about aspartamine and whats actually in a Coke Zero its better than 99% of the other sweets you can buy. I've been blessed by my genetics where aspartamine to me tastes exactly like sugar and I can't taste the difference between normal and zero coke. Since it's zero calories and (dare I say) basically water just with bullshit added, to me it's made my cravings go down a lot. What I did after I won that fight of lowering my cravings is everytime I would go get groceries I would actively go through an isle with sweets, pick something up, look at the label in the back where it says how many kilocalories it is and then put it back. It sounds kinda stupid but it made me think about how much garbage I was consuming

ALSO it didnt work for me but I've had people tell me that getting a calorie tracking app was great for them. But thats probably for after you fix binge eating and want to stay on track.

 

[StarryEyed]

Now that I really think about it I don't have anything like that. I really only get SI when I think negatively but it's really rare. It's been a couple years since it last happened though. Really I just kinda get sad and it goes away. I don't have any long term gripes or issues.

I see alot of people get mad at things they can't change. Things I can't change I don't really get upset about.

Oh I wish I could be like you. I freak out about almost everything. When I'm not freaking out, I'm working on not freaking out. Often I'm doing both simultaneously. I'd say you and I are polar opposites.

I do binge-eating. Less nowdays, last time two weeks ago. A lot of chocolate covered nuts. The day after i had "hangover".

OMG I adore anything with chocolate, but chocolate covered nuts are definitely one of my faves. And ice cream. Pretty much any flavour of ice cream, but especially those with chocolate. Oh yeah baby!!!

Humbling? I don't know if I'd look at it that way personally but I'm not a native English speaker so maybe I'm missing some context for the word.

I don't know if it would work for you but I've realized more recently that what made me stop binge eating wasn't going to the gym like I initially thought but the fact I was weighing myself before and after going. I don't know if you have a scale at home but for me just having one visible at most times was a good first start.
Second thing I'd recommend is grabbing a coke zero whenever you get the feeling for something sweet. I am not a healthcare professional but from everything I've seen about aspartamine and whats actually in a Coke Zero its better than 99% of the other sweets you can buy. I've been blessed by my genetics where aspartamine to me tastes exactly like sugar and I can't taste the difference between normal and zero coke. Since it's zero calories and (dare I say) basically water just with bullshit added, to me it's made my cravings go down a lot. What I did after I won that fight of lowering my cravings is everytime I would go get groceries I would actively go through an isle with sweets, pick something up, look at the label in the back where it says how many kilocalories it is and then put it back. It sounds kinda stupid but it made me think about how much garbage I was consuming

ALSO it didnt work for me but I've had people tell me that getting a calorie tracking app was great for them. But thats probably for after you fix binge eating and want to stay on track.

Those are all excellent suggestions! Thank you so much for taking the time and for making the effort to write all that.

I think the best way to explain humble is..... Arrogance is one extreme and humiliation is the opposite extreme. Both are unhealthy. Humble is in the middle of arrogance and humiliation. So being humble is a healthy emotion. That's how I see it anyway.

Actually I have binge-eating disorder, so I obsess about calorie tracking and weighing myself. It's only a few years ago that I learned the binging, obsessive food tracking, obsessive weighing and extreme calorie restriction are all part of the disorder. So I'm a little better with all of these now, as I've worked on these problems, but I'm still not healthy. I've struggled with binging since I was a kid.

One of your great ideas that works for me is the diet drink. I did that in the past to lose weight and to decrease the binges. So I'll do that. Thank you!! Thank you very much!

 

[literallynoone]

Actually I have binge-eating disorder, so I obsess about calorie tracking and weighing myself. It's only a few years ago that I learned the binging, obsessive food tracking, obsessive weighing and extreme calorie restriction are all part of the disorder. So I'm a little better with all of these now, as I've worked on these problems, but I'm still not healthy. I've struggled with binging since I was a kid.

Oh I'm sorry I didn't know that. Don't know anyone with a binge eating disorder. I definietly never got to that point. Good luck I hope you can beat this.

 

[StarryEyed]

Oh I'm sorry I didn't know that. Don't know anyone with a binge eating disorder. I definietly never got to that point. Good luck I hope you can beat this.

Thank you for your well wishes. It's possible you do know someone with binge-eating disorder but they haven't talked about it. It's quite a secretive disorder. Kind of like we don't typically tell people were suicidal. Right? Also, it only became an official diagnosis in the DSM in 2013. So prior to that I was just told I had a binging problem. A lot of people still don't know about this diagnosis. Everyone knows about bulimia and anorexia, but not binge-eating disorder. I'm going to have a pop tonight that's kind of like Fanta Lemon Zero, and I will send you a cheers and a thank you.

 

[literallynoone]

Fanta Lemon Zero,

Fanta has always been my favourite soda, shame they dont sell a zero version over here. Take care.