not anymore.. actualy im desesperate and rotting internaly, and the only thing im able to exprress in art is.. that im desesperate and rotting internaly ?Im mean, at the beginning , it helped me to express my dark thoughts in art, it was obviously cathartic,and also you create something, you can valorise yourself, and you can create connection with others upon this base... in a certain way, art is not only make pretty things, it is an echo chambers of thoughts , feelings, introspection, i think express pain and darkness in art, can be stunning, and more, it can help, because it is a intimate road for evolution; a road of you questions through a difficult/painful path, but its not for nothing, you evolve, .. but at a certain point, i saw myself.. not evolving at all, make dark things because i needed art to keep a tiny meaningful actituvy in my existence, but it give me more pain, and fueled it ..? at this point i realized that , in my case, i will not evolve anymore in this road of pain, and it lost its part of light ?But it helped me before, i think , there is other parameter to take in account, i was so much into art, like a religion maybe imao, that it became disguting all this suffering that art had the mission to transform , when i was still sad, more and more...But i still can sometimes enjoy listening or viewing art, now, but everything seems to have lost their bright now.. and the rare time i make art, i m repulsed by ( im no pro, by the way, but i had the ambition, and if were able to meet the good personns-places at the right moment, it could have bring me in other place, than where im stuck now), it is void, it reflect me a cruel world, it reflct my own shards botrlen mirrors , and i hate it.How can you said fuck to life, and express your pain or revolt more than make it a ruin.. and im not able to make anything else of me or dealing with life in positive" way.. "
( writing , like i was encouraged , in my own native langage i mean, never helped me , and was destructive, i think about illustration vuquals art and music for the benefits of art in my life)