blackorchid
Facing the brink.
- Mar 27, 2026
- 11
So, I recently found DSL and considered SN to be a possible way to CTB... but then SA appeared.
For context, I live in a very toxic household where every one of my moves is looked at. Every package I receive must be opened by my family before I can touch it, and there's almost always someone in the house, so no chances to for me to receive it before anyone notices. I study and work part time. I leave early in the morning and come back late at night.
I guess there's no convincing enough excuse to receive (if it even gets here) a weird packaged white powder all the way from U, to a parent who already suspects from my suicide tendencies. I'm also concerned about the whole process. Does DSL ships (and is it even possible) that SN gets to Latin America? I found almost no information.
I was still thinking if it was worth the risk as I was doing my research on inorganic salts, and then SA appeared. Seemingly, I can just fucking order it online and receive it on the post office after a week. Is that... it?
I'm certainly not ready yet, but I want to stop suffering as soon as possible. Shoud I make the right thing, take the risk, and order SN despite everything could go wrong? Wait for as long as it takes to arrive while sorting everything else out, and trying my best to receive it myself? Or should I kiss goodbye my dreams of a peaceful death and just use SA? I've read everything I need to know and I'm aware of all the downsides. That it is just way more brutal than SN, handling it is difficult, and I know my body and everything will be a hazard but, as I'm already being selfish, should I top it all off with this one last act?
Yes, of course I'd be cautious & considerate and make sure no one gets harmed and CTB in a hotel...
I'd try my best, but antiemetis seem almost unobtainable for me and, as I know that decreases my chances, then I might just put it all in and succumb to the scary but certain arms of SA.
Accesibily over time, pain over peace, toxicity over humanity.
What breaks my heart the most is that, if my pet is still arround when I die, she won't be able to sniff me one last time.
Any advice on this?
Thanks for reading...
For context, I live in a very toxic household where every one of my moves is looked at. Every package I receive must be opened by my family before I can touch it, and there's almost always someone in the house, so no chances to for me to receive it before anyone notices. I study and work part time. I leave early in the morning and come back late at night.
I guess there's no convincing enough excuse to receive (if it even gets here) a weird packaged white powder all the way from U, to a parent who already suspects from my suicide tendencies. I'm also concerned about the whole process. Does DSL ships (and is it even possible) that SN gets to Latin America? I found almost no information.
I was still thinking if it was worth the risk as I was doing my research on inorganic salts, and then SA appeared. Seemingly, I can just fucking order it online and receive it on the post office after a week. Is that... it?
I'm certainly not ready yet, but I want to stop suffering as soon as possible. Shoud I make the right thing, take the risk, and order SN despite everything could go wrong? Wait for as long as it takes to arrive while sorting everything else out, and trying my best to receive it myself? Or should I kiss goodbye my dreams of a peaceful death and just use SA? I've read everything I need to know and I'm aware of all the downsides. That it is just way more brutal than SN, handling it is difficult, and I know my body and everything will be a hazard but, as I'm already being selfish, should I top it all off with this one last act?
Yes, of course I'd be cautious & considerate and make sure no one gets harmed and CTB in a hotel...
I'd try my best, but antiemetis seem almost unobtainable for me and, as I know that decreases my chances, then I might just put it all in and succumb to the scary but certain arms of SA.
Accesibily over time, pain over peace, toxicity over humanity.
What breaks my heart the most is that, if my pet is still arround when I die, she won't be able to sniff me one last time.
Any advice on this?
Thanks for reading...
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