Venting Being ugly makes me even more hopeless

[cupcakesandmilk]

Ever since childhood, I've never really been comfortable with my face; I remember fantasising about how nice it would be if I looked like one of my friends instead of me. I don't know if God was high when creating me or just had a really bad day because I definitely have the most unapproachable (for lack of a better word) face I've ever seen; my eyes look like those of a former drug addict, and when I smile, it either comes off as being disingenuous or gives off some serial killer vibes.

I really feel like I got the short end of the stick when it comes to genetics; both my mom and dad look good, yet I look nothing like them. I think I'm genuinely the ugliest person in my bloodline; add acne to that (which thankfully seems to be going away, but I'm sure I've somehow jinxed it now), and it just makes me so envious of others...

I hate how much effort I've got to put in just to look presentable in front of others, and yet I still end up feeling inferior because I'm just bad-looking at the end of the day. I swear people could show up with a bedhead and still end up looking miles better than me. I wish I had something to compensate for for my appearance, but nope, my build, my voice, and my hairstyle are all generic at the very best. It's not even that I'm looking to date anyone that I'm so pissed about my appearance; nope, I just wish I looked decent; maybe then I wouldn't be so harsh on myself. Right now, I just feel a sense of pity, anger, or unease(?) (I can't seem to find a word for that) when looking in the mirror.

Does anyone else relate? Feel free to vent below.

 

[Al_stargate]

Yeah I understand, I had huge confidence issues even as a little kid. I saw myself in the most distorted way and the abuse I received from my parents and the environment made it even way worse. It lead me to obsessive behavior and being super conscious of every little thing about me. To some point that helped me because I learned about nutrition and lost weight and worked on aspects of my appearance I didn't like, if it could be fixed. I got in very good shape and looked healthy and my face wasn't resembling weirdly shaped blob of nothing anymore.

I started to like my facial features. Face is more than just dimensions and ideal angles, I think face tells a lot about someone's personality too. Character reflects on someone's face sooner or later. There are natural things you can do to improve your face like mewing and face yoga. Might sound weird but it really does work. It can make a huge change, I can testify to that. I did this mewing program and my face improved noticeably. My asymmetries went away, I got a better-developed jaw, and my cheekbones got more prominent and gave me more of a hunter-eyes look.

I was quite happy with my face but the subconscious remnants of low self-esteem and self-doubt still remained inside and that manifested itself in my increasingly distorted view of my nose. Insecurities built up over two decades finally exploded and it made me have an impulsive decision to get a nosejob to reduce hump on my nose. One thing I didn't know was that cosmetic surgery industry in general and especially rhinoplasty is a complete scam and that surgeon I picked gonna willingly scam me and botch me just because what I wanted was not achievable. And that landed me here on sasu. And I would tell anyone considering going the surgery route to not do it in a million years because you will likely get botched or end up looking super weird and that feeling is a billion times worse than any insecurity about your natural appearance.