Venting Being truly suicidal is agony

[lwlaiet8887]

Sharing a thought. I'm in so much pain

 

[hmskms]

One need not hope to undertake, nor succeed to persevere. - William the Silent

We're all putting up a fight right now despite how we feel. It doesn't feel great and that's cause it's not supposed to. Anyone already happy with themselves doesn't have "changing their life for the better" as a concern. Hope that explains the struggle, at least.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

We're all putting up a fight right now despite how we feel. It doesn't feel great and that's cause it's not supposed to. Anyone already happy with themselves doesn't have "changing their life for the better" as a concern. Hope that explains the struggle, at least.

I don't know if think my life is the grimest it can be it can't get better I'm in literal hell. Seriously my suffering is horrible... I'm pretty much trying to stop myself from crawling out of my own skin and stomping my brain to bits all whilst I have to prepare for CBF again (I failed and I think it has given me Intensital problems) my body is a literal corpse/I'm a genetic failure, body is wasting away from lack of any mass, 5 years of intense suffering behind me (illness/ self inflicted torture to "fix" my body) and trying to cope that I can "overcome" my infallible problems, all failed, extreme loneliness, complete lack of love for life, unstable and have to fight constantly to distract myself, had to deal with dozens of mental health retards who are trying to stop me from CTB despite my 1/10 QOL, no substantial income all which I need to CTB, Angel of mother (I don't care but it's tragic) Typing on here is cathartic but painful. Even as a kid I had a distaste for life (I literally tried to hibernate) and always had this bitter taste in my mouth. Little did I know that'd hit me in the mouth like a sledgehammer. Even CBT is too much fucking effort, truly wish I was never born because the only highs I ever had I life were when I was young, naive, and delusional. Psychologically I'm delving into the depths of darkness (ugliness of the world) to find some hope in death liberation even though I'm just really unlucky.

My CBT is out of dignity at this point. Love your post anyway very insightful. It's so bad that I get envious of the lives of so
many people which has killed my interst in media it's like PTSD.

Yes I might sound overly edgy but my life is seriously fucked... F tier character in a video games that no one plays.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really dreadful what you've had to go through, I hope you eventually find freedom from your suffering.