Being triggered by people who are happy/have it all

[_Minsk]

i wonder how many can relate to this, for the most time i wasn't even aware of why it was so hard for me to not feel like breaking into tears all the time. whenever i'm around most people i feel like i can't connect, its just impossible and i felt awkward most times. today i realized that i'm constantly reminded of how much i hate my life (thanks to @Eren for that post about comparison), like i cant stand being around others who are having fun, i just cant relate and thus cant connect bcuz i'm not on the same page or wavelength at all. i don't hate others nor them having fun but i hate that it triggers me. i think this is why i preferred to be around people who are not exploding in terms of happiness and joy. Sadly, i never saw anyone who could just turn of that comparison trait so i think i will be stuck in this place till i'm ready to ctb. it just feels cruel, having to be around people who constantly enjoy life while you're sitting here and trying to cope or at least trying to not be always reminded of your situation.. i wonder if some people here can relate, basically most things trigger me, its the most basic things like being able to do sports, enjoying stuffs, or just having at least a quite moment of peace, without that horror of being reminded how bad life and health have gone..

 

[glittergore]

I relate to this. Not only do I feel alienated from them, I feel a sort of bitter confusion over it. What about them makes them so inherently different to me that they can reap joy and peace? How are their personal truths so radically removed from my own? Anyway, it's not a coincidence that my only friends right now are all also mentally ill.

I do think it's important to keep in mind that a lot of people put on a mask with others, so they may not be as happy as they project. Knowing this makes me feel less singular.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I can see where you're coming from, and empathise.

Personally, usually, I'm surrounded by unhinged odd losers, and by extension, I can't help but feel like I fit into that category. Sometimes I crave a bit of normality, just something other than odd chaos.

 

[mx5nb3]

i wonder how many can relate to this, for the most time i wasn't even aware of why it was so hard for me to not feel like breaking into tears all the time. whenever i'm around most people i feel like i can't connect, its just impossible and i felt awkward most times. today i realized that i'm constantly reminded of how much i hate my life (thanks to @Eren for that post about comparison), like i cant stand being around others who are having fun, i just cant relate and thus cant connect bcuz i'm not on the same page or wavelength at all. i think this is why i preferred to be around people who are not exploding in terms of happiness and joy. Sadly, i never saw anyone who could just turn of that comparison trait so i think i will be stuck in this place till i'm ready to ctb. it just feels cruel, having to be around people who constantly enjoy life while you're sitting here and trying to cope or at least trying to not be always reminded of your situation.. i wonder if some people here can relate, basically most things trigger me, its the most basic things like being able to do sports, enjoying stuffs, or just having at least a quite moment of peace, without that horror of being reminded how bad life and health have gone..

I can definitely relate. It sucks, because I want to be like them and enjoy life but im just.. different. And it seems the more I imitate and reciprocate their joy(despite it being synthetic) they just dont want to be around me. I work as a server and have to see families, couples, and/or friends laughing and enjoying their time together. I truly envy them. My job is really just a constant force in my life that serves to keep me on track for CTB, and to prevent me from falling for the illusion that things will get better for me. Anyways, I hope that things will improve, and whatever decision you make will end peacefully.

 

[Arrow]

yeah...but i think i've reached a point where i no longer care whether others are happier than me or not, or whether they have more than me or are more successful than i am. i've transcended depression and i simply don't care anymore.

 

[coldeyes]

Will tell you with 100% certainty 95% of those people aren't as happy as you think. Mostly it's a facade/pretense. Only people capable of having it all are kids. Believe me. You'd be surprised they think you're the happier one and they want to be like you! That's the irony of life

 

[clocktower]

definitely relatable. in fact this exact feeling has drained all my love and left me with nothing but resentment towards my family. i would give anything to be free from mental illness and have a normally functioning brain like them. i'm the token family fuck-up!

 

[ZardozOmega]

Yes, happens to be all the time. Earlier today I was looking up this sentiment, and I read it was possible that I'm a narcissist, but of the covert type. I would always look up this problem, this pathological envy, and google would always spit results involving narcissism. I'd deny it, since I don't think I'm better than everyone, and I don't brag, but today I learned about this type of narcissism and it clicked with me. I did a test (and yes, I know internet tests are not accurate), and I scored 100. The test said if the person scored more than 97 then it is certain you are a covert narcissist.
It was this one: https://blogs.scientificamerican.co... tended,anxiety, and delusions of persecution.

 

[Lunarhour]

Yeah, its called depression and it sucks.When you feel totally empty all the time and alone, you sense of humour which is an important and healthy part of your humanity, goes down the drain.

Long time ago Me and my friend where having a smoke outside and we overheard the party next door and we heard people laughing and it triggered me. My friend said in a calm accepting voice "Oh they must be having fun " When he said that it kinda snapped me back to reality andi kinda my negative thoughts to the side and said to myself "Yeah, there having fun, that's a good thing, the street is peaceful, no bullets are flying...so whats my f!@#$ing problem?"

Yeah i can relate to this, depression sucks and lets face it, it can kinda turn you into an asshole. I try to laugh outloud at funny videos and practice not to keep my feelings constantly bottled up inside, to not feel to constrictive and loosen up once in a while (And trust me, this is very difficult for a person who is contemplating suicide). Swimming with the sunshine and joking around with friends is the best medicine, but unfortuanetly many of us don't have the luxury or the motivation to seek that out anymore.

I appreciate your thoughts _Minsk

 

[coldeyes]

Yes, happens to be all the time. Earlier today I was looking up this sentiment, and I read it was possible that I'm a narcissist, but of the covert type. I would always look up this problem, this pathological envy, and google would always spit results involving narcissism. I'd deny it, since I don't think I'm better than everyone, and I don't brag, but today I learned about this type of narcissism and it clicked with me. I did a test (and yes, I know internet tests are not accurate), and I scored 100. The test said if the person scored more than 97 then it is certain you are a covert narcissist.
It was this one: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/23-signs-youe28099re-secretly-a-narcissist-masquerading-as-a-sensitive-introvert/#:~:text=While the "overt" narcissists tended,anxiety, and delusions of persecution.

There's nothing wrong being narcissistic, a potato or anything else. Just as there is nothing wrong with wanting to ctb. Psychology, etc are control tools to make you like every body who is "normal", which is actually the real sickness, ie being "normal", trying to be happy, etc.

 

[ZardozOmega]

There's nothing wrong being narcissistic, a potato or anything else. Just as there is nothing wrong with wanting to ctb. Psychology, etc are control tools to make you like every body who is "normal", which is actually the real sickness, ie being "normal", trying to be happy, etc.

The problem is that I can recognize that what I have is pathological and immoral. Wish bad things to happen to a person because they're good looking is wrong. Envy someone so bad it ruins your day and can leave you in tears is also wrong. I don't want to be like that, and if psychology can help me change, then I'll take it. Being like this is painful for me and for anyone who has to interact with me, so I wanna change. I don't know if I can tho, it's very hard.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

For the longest time, I hid my depression and anxiety very well. My ex boyfriend told me he never would have thought I had either one. I could be suicidal, but at the same time, able to laugh and joke around with friends. It wasn't even on purpose, really. I just don't naturally show negative feelings around people. It makes me uncomfortable to do so and I also don't want to be the kind of person to bum other people out. Even I get worn out by people who are constantly complaining and dragging me down with them, even when I feel the same. So I don't want to be that person either, even though I get it. I guess I prefer people more like me, honestly.. miserable but not completely focused on it.
That being said, these past few months, my true state of mind has shown through much more than usual. So I've been avoiding social situations even more than I already was. The point is, I'm sure a lot of people thought I was happy even when I wasn't. So now, when I see someone seemingly happy, I don't automatically assume they are because I know it doesn't really mean anything.
I can still relate though. Whenever I see people post about achievements or this and that on Facebook, it does sometimes upset me, make me a bit envious. I mean, I genuinely do want my friends and family to be happy, but I'd be lying if I said I still didn't feel left out of that world. Now it's gotten to the point that I have no desire to hang out with anyone and I'm only around others when I'm at work. I'm new to my current job, but I think they will be surprised to find out I killed myself. I'm not exactly the same funny, sociable person anymore but I'm still very nice and laid back and they have no idea the hell I'm living in. I guess that's what helps me when I start feeling envious of other people's happiness. I think, ah maybe they're miserable too or will be in the future. I can't help but feel like that's a bit messed up, but it's true. After all, misery does love company.

 

[coldeyes]

The problem is that I can recognize that what I have is pathological and immoral. Wish bad things to happen to a person because they're good looking is wrong. Envy someone so bad it ruins your day and can leave you in tears is also wrong. I don't want to be like that, and if psychology can help me change, then I'll take it. Being like this is painful for me and for anyone who has to interact with me, so I wanna change. I don't know if I can tho, it's very hard.

There's nothing wrong with being envious and wishing people dead. Everybody feels it. It's OK. So you don't have to feel bad because of that. No need to cry. Accept it's who you are and how all people are, otherwise psychology has brainwashed you that you have to be nice and if you're not, you somehow you have a problem. Go on, feel envy. Wish the world blows up and all happy people die. It's OK. Really. So don't let it bother you anymore. I'm old, my job is dealing with people for decades. I'll tell you you're perfectly OK.

 

[ZardozOmega]

There's nothing wrong with being envious and wishing people dead. Everybody feels it. It's OK. So you don't have to feel bad because of that. No need to cry. Accept it's who you are and how all people are, otherwise psychology has brainwashed you that you have to be nice and if you're not, you somehow you have a problem. Go on, feel envy. Wish the world blows up and all happy people die. It's OK. Really. So don't let it bother you anymore. I'm old, my job is dealing with people for decades. I'll tell you you're perfectly OK.

I don't like it. It genuinely impairs my ability to work and to have meaningful, healthy relationships. I am sad being like that. It is obviously wrong and diseased.

 

[coldeyes]

I don't like it. It genuinely impairs my ability to work and to have meaningful, healthy relationships. I am sad being like that. It is obviously wrong and diseased.

It's OK. But seems you prefer it when you consider it a problem. Nobody can read your mind. So that shouldn't interfere with your work or relationships. Just smile, pretend to be happy and be very agreeable. Everyone will love you and think how great you are. Especially if you're agreeable. Agree with whatever they say, smile and laugh. Try and see. Even if deep down you want to strangle them. Try and see. You're not being phony, you are being human, that's all.

 

[ZardozOmega]

It's OK. But seems you prefer it when you consider it a problem. Nobody can read your mind. So that shouldn't interfere with your work or relationships. Just smile, pretend to be happy and be very agreeable. Everyone will love you and think how great you are. Especially if you're agreeable. Agree with whatever they say, smile and laugh. Try and see. Even if deep down you want to strangle them. Try and see. You're not being phony, you are being human, that's all.

It is a problem. Objectively so. Reading or hearing about someone's success should not make me feel like this. It is obviously destructive and very painful, why wouldn't it be a problem?

 

[dysfunctional]

I can definitely relate. Because of my bipolar depression, I'm incapable of smiling or laughing. When I see people laughing and smiling, its a strong reminder of where I am. My town is full of outdoor recreation, so lots of people with bikes, boats, camp trailers moving around. It reminds me of how much joy I used to get in the outdoors and no longer can.

 

[coldeyes]

It is a problem. Objectively so. Reading or hearing about someone's success should not make me feel like this. It is obviously destructive and very painful, why wouldn't it be a problem?

Why is it painful? It's ordinary human nature. Don't believe what psychology tells you. Wishing people evil or hating them is OK. It's only bad if you take steps to hurt them, ie put your wishes in action. Try wishing all successful and happy people dead and see whether it kills them. If they die, then it's wrong. If nothing happens, then rethink

 

[ZardozOmega]

Why is it painful? It's ordinary human nature. Don't believe what psychology tells you. Wishing people evil or hating them is OK. It's only bad if you take steps to hurt them, ie put your wishes in action. Try wishing all successful and happy people dead and see whether it kills them. If they die, then it's wrong. If nothing happens, then rethink

Now you're just being silly.

 

[_Minsk]

Yes, happens to be all the time. Earlier today I was looking up this sentiment, and I read it was possible that I'm a narcissist, but of the covert type. I would always look up this problem, this pathological envy, and google would always spit results involving narcissism. I'd deny it, since I don't think I'm better than everyone, and I don't brag, but today I learned about this type of narcissism and it clicked with me. I did a test (and yes, I know internet tests are not accurate), and I scored 100. The test said if the person scored more than 97 then it is certain you are a covert narcissist.
It was this one: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/23-signs-youe28099re-secretly-a-narcissist-masquerading-as-a-sensitive-introvert/#:~:text=While the "overt" narcissists tended,anxiety, and delusions of persecution.

i have read somewhere children become narcissistic when they don't get the love from their parents, so they learn how manipulate in order to get their needs met. not sure if this is true but its kinda interesting, do you think this is true?

 

[coldeyes]

Now you're just being silly.

OK. Seems you enjoy feeling bad because you're feeling bad. Enjoy.

 

[selfhater]

i relate alot to every word u said, i have unusual triggers from almost everything and having happy/successful/normal/pretty ppl around me makes me collapse and it happened before it was embarrassing that i couldn't tell them "i collapsed cuz u all are happy and having fun and i am in agonizing pain and suffer" it gets worse with time:(

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Ive been tru alot of situations. I was extremely poor. Had nothing. Then got situated, steady jobs. Husband. Pets. Family.foid and bills paid. Had everything. Then lost it all again in a day.

Trust me, its never perfect, rich or poor. Everything brought different strugles.

The only thing that triggers me is people that held grudges against family or loved ones. I lost dad, and it hurts me when people speak ill of their parents, hating them when they just want to help in any way. Or just hang out. It hurts me when people wish their spouses to die as well, cuz my husband died as well. Agreed separation is better choice.

It just hurts me when others hate what they have, and i would love it even in shitty situation, poor and sick, just to have them back with me again. Im sorry

 

[ERASED]

You mean all that fake happiness but deep down they know this world and life its self is a fucking joke and lie.?

 

[Eren]

I understand you perfectly, the same thing happens to me.

 

[Bct]

I definitely can relate with you. At my last job, most people around me are from well-off family while I'm just a middle-lower class. I can't truly relate with them because they were talking things that out of my reach, especially not with my low wage. If bad things happen to them, most likely they're still able to afford to live. Not for me. I was just screwed badly when my wage haven't been paid for months, so I decided to quit.

 

[RedShoes]

Bingo. I used to think I have BPD, I've since realised I was quite abused as a child and have grown up to really find it impossible to be around happy people (particularly as I've met a few people over teh past years that I've made me feel bad for being quiet). So I'd fall out with the people who were happy who didn't understand why I was 'miserable' and I'd genuinely like better my more misfit friends with issues who I'd fall out with because I felt like they expected too much from me and I needed to save them (when I couldn't save myself). Taken over a decade to realise this and I have no friends left as a result. I don't really know how to make friends anymore as I can't trust myself. :/ Sad..

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Triggers me hard when I see people actually pull off self improvement, like they look at their flaws and make them better. I can't do that.

 

[FluffyDove]

I relate to. I get so angry at people who are happy, i cant stand to be around my old friends and their children anymore since i cant be with mine. There is no rationality to my anger and that annoys me even more. I hate what's left of my life so much.

 

[ERASED]

Ive been tru alot of situations. I was extremely poor. Had nothing. Then got situated, steady jobs. Husband. Pets. Family.foid and bills paid. Had everything. Then lost it all again in a day.

Trust me, its never perfect, rich or poor. Everything brought different strugles.

The only thing that triggers me is people that held grudges against family or loved ones. I lost dad, and it hurts me when people speak ill of their parents, hating them when they just want to help in any way. Or just hang out. It hurts me when people wish their spouses to die as well, cuz my husband died as well. Agreed separation is better choice.

It just hurts me when others hate what they have, and i would love it even in shitty situation, poor and sick, just to have them back with me again. Im sorry

Yeah but when they are the reason you are fucked up then what? All I know is most people shouldn't be able to have kids.