Being treated like a clueless baby in therapy

[everydayiloveyou]

So I have a bad case of social anxiety disorder, I've been in and out of therapy but every time I go, I can't escape from psychs who seem to be totally lost on how to help me and treat me like an idiot who has never thought about social interaction.

My last session went really badly, we focused on school, and how I'm worried people will judge me because I don't drink or do drugs. My therapist told me to think up a scenario where people ask me to go out and party with them. Then she said, "you can reply, 'no thanks, but would you like to go <insert nerdy thing I'm into> with me instead?'"

I was so shocked and frustrated that I started tearing up, like first of all how would I even end up in that situation? Also what kind of partier would be into doing nerd shit with me? Do you want me to get bullied or something??? LMAO

I told her that it would be a stretch to say that irl, and we eventually worked out something else, but still. This always happens in therapy! Only my first therapist was more realistic and focused on the basic components of my fears rather than asking me to say ridiculous things that I know they would never say themselves. Like focusing on walking by the places I'm afraid of and getting used to that before actually going in and trying new activities.

I get that I'm having distorted thoughts because of the anxiety, but I'm a grown woman, I know what's socially acceptable and what kinds of things are awkward and strange. I always mention that I was bullied over my awkwardness, weird hobbies, and looks in my intake sessions yet somehow the therapists think it's totally cool to set me up for failure as if I haven't already dealt with plenty of that.

I feel like they treat me like a baby who is simply overexaggerating people's negative judgements of me, but people called me fat, weird, ugly, dumb, annoying, etc., to my face! And this was multiple times with multiple people, at different ages in my life. I don't think I'm being delusional or unreasonable. Ideally I want help to accept that this is my reality and get real social skills advice. Like actual advice that the psychs themselves use, not what they think will work out in Carebear Therapy Land.

Anyone else with similar experiences? How have you handled it (without offending your therapist lol)?

 

[timf]

It can be a shock to unexpectedly discover the intellectual or professional limits of those of whom you had much higher expectations. These sort of encounters can actually increase social anxiety.

If you have a desire to have social encounters but would like to limit them to those who can refrain from making hurtful comments, you may have to consider that you are looking for a increasingly small minority of people. Like water in a dessert after the rainy season, people who are kind are harder and harder to find.

If you are looking for someone that represents a 2% distribution in society, you may have to put up with 50 unkind people to find one who is kind.

There are groups of people that used to represent a higher percentage of kind people.

Christians, Jews, and even some Muslims and Buddhists used to have members that had a sincere desire to live their faith and show kindness to others. Sadly, even this pool is drying up.

In the secular world there were those who saw themselves as cultured and civil who would at least extend courtesy to others.

Those whose employment is to show kindness like nurses and elder care works.

Those who ridicule those who are different solely for their own amusement are somewhat similar to those who find amusement in torturing small animals. Since this is a growing part of our society, it can be advantageous to avoid encounters with them.

It sounds like your therapy encounters are a microcosm of the larger social world. It can be advantageous to identify those situations more likely to yield positive results so that the less likely encounters can be avoided or quickly dispensed with.

If you can reach a point where hurtful or useless encounters produce a critical and dismissive assessment rather than feelings of hurt, you may begin to take control of these events and more quickly move on to greener pastures.

 

[mossyfox]

So I have a bad case of social anxiety disorder, I've been in and out of therapy but every time I go, I can't escape from psychs who seem to be totally lost on how to help me and treat me like an idiot who has never thought about social interaction.

My last session went really badly, we focused on school, and how I'm worried people will judge me because I don't drink or do drugs. My therapist told me to think up a scenario where people ask me to go out and party with them. Then she said, "you can reply, 'no thanks, but would you like to go <insert nerdy thing I'm into> with me instead?'"

I was so shocked and frustrated that I started tearing up, like first of all how would I even end up in that situation? Also what kind of partier would be into doing nerd shit with me? Do you want me to get bullied or something??? LMAO

I told her that it would be a stretch to say that irl, and we eventually worked out something else, but still. This always happens in therapy! Only my first therapist was more realistic and focused on the basic components of my fears rather than asking me to say ridiculous things that I know they would never say themselves. Like focusing on walking by the places I'm afraid of and getting used to that before actually going in and trying new activities.

I get that I'm having distorted thoughts because of the anxiety, but I'm a grown woman, I know what's socially acceptable and what kinds of things are awkward and strange. I always mention that I was bullied over my awkwardness, weird hobbies, and looks in my intake sessions yet somehow the therapists think it's totally cool to set me up for failure as if I haven't already dealt with plenty of that.

I feel like they treat me like a baby who is simply overexaggerating people's negative judgements of me, but people called me fat, weird, ugly, dumb, annoying, etc., to my face! And this was multiple times with multiple people, at different ages in my life. I don't think I'm being delusional or unreasonable. Ideally I want help to accept that this is my reality and get real social skills advice. Like actual advice that the psychs themselves use, not what they think will work out in Carebear Therapy Land.

Anyone else with similar experiences? How have you handled it (without offending your therapist lol)?

Carebear Therapy Land lmao

 

[mossyfox]

> I mean honestly it kind of just is that way with most therapists, to some degrees of better or worse. They don't have the answers. There are some who have good advice that you might find by random chance, maybe chance and money or in a book if they wrote it down for everyone's benefit lol.

You sound smart. When they make suggestions, you already know its something that won't work. I think you are able to think through this logically yourself with better exercises to try and lay out for yourself. Maybe just use them for accountability. After making your own plans, the actual issue you would be dealing with, I think, is going through with the exercise.

So with all big tasks, you break it down into smaller components. If you still cant't do that, it means it was still too big, so break it down again until you were uncomfortable but managed to do it.

Not too different from physical exercises, where in order to make progress you are supposed to start easy and small, and work you're way up. But it should always feel difficult, if exercising feels comfortable and easy, then you are not progressing towards your goal anymore.

 

[callme]

I suggest Thomas Szasz's The myth of mental illness.