Being poor and wanting to die bc of it

[GummyBear!>.<]

Being poor is literally the biggest reason I want to ctb, that and all of the abuse I've endured from literally everyone in my family and when I used to go to school

I've been homeless for over a year now and it's not getting better. I thought it would when I finally got a job, but it pays around 500 a month and that's nothing... I've been saving everything just to try and get a tiny room or apartment, but it's never enough every landlord I talked to wants at least three months of rent upfront or some type of guaranty and I can't afford that

Right now I'm crashing at an old high school friend's place, but not for long, I have maybe a month before I'm out. My job is literal hell. They force me to stand 9 hours straight with no break, even eating while standing. My head feels like it's going to explode. Everyone at work hates me no matter how hard I try to be nice. Maybe it's because I'm autistic and miss social cues, but I'm honestly trying so hard to make friends there to at least have a reason to go T.T

It took me a year to EVEN get this job and I hate it. I'm terrified I won't find another one if I stop going to this one, but I'm severely burnt out. I have no money, (no bitches??? Lol) the only food I eat is the one meal they give me at work. Outside of that, it's been weeks since I had a real meal So, I'm down to one meal a day and I'm losing so much weight, and I can't stand it anymore. I can't afford groceries and the only condition to let me stay where I'm staying is to buy my own things and clean the house

My whole life is just sleep, wake up, cry, go to work, come back at 2 am, cry again, sleep, repeat. I hate this routine I HATE EVERYTHINGGG AND EVERYONEE I fkuging envy rich people so much. Im so exhausted.

I just want a decent job I just want to afford food, rent, and clothes That's it. Nothing more AND STILL IT SEEMS ITS TOO MUCH TO ASK and with the Inflation of my country and the rising price of USD it's even worse, I want to die so bad, I just want to be safe, I feel like every waking moment is just me being anxious and scared or overstimulated

I've been self harming again, I had stopped that years ago and now I do it almost daily, I can't even wear short sleeves and it's so hot here rn every thought I have is about dying, I have no one, I have nothing, I
am nothing

 

[R. A.]

hello, sorry you're here.
inequality is a blight on the earth; there are people dying in the streets of hunger while grocery stores pay waste disposal companies to get rid of food they don't sell, much of it totally fine.
i fucking hate what the elite have done to the world.

 

[EternalShore]

I'm really sorry to hear about how you're homeless and that even tho you have a job now, it's still awful~ :((( I honestly hate that standing part so much too~ >_< some of the time, you don't even need to stand, but they still want you to because it makes you look better for the customers~ :/ but it's painful! :( I'm really sorry to hear that your coworkers don't like you either~ :( it's just neat that at least you have friends like your irl friend even in spite of that~ and that schedule sounds sooo awful too~ :((( I've had schedules like it before, and it just feels so awful~ :( it's just an endless grind with no reprieve~ :( I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with one rn too~ >_<
and the world truly is so awful~ :( the rich get richer~ we and everyone else else get poorer and have to bare the brunt of all this inflation and lack of jobs~ :/