Being murdered or taking your own life before it comes to that?

[GoingMyOwnWay]

Hi All,

I'm in a situation where I've got enough evidence to believe that it is just a matter of time before I'm taken out in real life for some things I said online about an oppressive regime (you can probably guess which one) in 2018/2019. I would need literal pages to describe why I think my life has got to this point, so I will just ask that you believe me here.

Due to lack of financial resources and not wishing to cause myself any more issues I have decided against trying to compile evidence, besides professionals tend to not leave evidence that someone like me could use to prove they are being targeted.

In light of a hopeless situation, do you think I would be better off just taking my own life? I hate the idea of being taken out and murdered in some way. I do not want my last moments on Earth to be in a situation where I'm scared and afraid for my life. I would prefer to be at peace with everything before I pass over to the other side on my terms.

I get all of this sounds like I might have mental issues and a persecution complex, so before you go ahead and comment something along these lines I'm aware of how it all sounds. But I'd ask that you give me the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Idontrecognizemyself]

I have no idea what you're talking about I'm sorry!! But, looking at your username alone I think you know the answer. Do you have a desire to end your own life aside from this situation though? As much as I would agree with the "not being scared in your last minutes", it's not ideal to feel pressured into it either. I'm so sorry this is the reality you're facing.

 

[GoingMyOwnWay]

I have no idea what you're talking about I'm sorry!! But, looking at your username alone I think you know the answer. Do you have a desire to end your own life aside from this situation though? As much as I would agree with the "not being scared in your last minutes", it's not ideal to feel pressured into it either. I'm so sorry this is the reality you're facing.

Well I am starting to feel pressured into doing this (taking my own life).

There's been multiple instances now where family (parents, sister and her partner) and extended family (aunts, cousins) have indicated to me that they want me gone. I believe this is because they've been threatened in some way. I'm 31 and living with my parents and I know for certain that if I go and stay or live anywhere else that it would just be a matter of time before I met my end.

The worst part is that my family knows what is going on, but we are all too afraid or just can't face the truth to talk about it properly. Nobody knows what to do anymore.

I can understand why they would want me dead. Because everyone's problems would be gone with my death. But as the one who is being targeted, when I think about what I actually did versus what I've been subjected to it is hard to accept that this is to be my fate.

I have SN, but I would really prefer to have N to do the job. I will probably order some pretty soon.

 

[bored_user]

given the situation, I recommend not trying anything and waiting to see how you can proceed. If you're still not sure you're really in danger, you don't have to think about how to end your own life. If you see that you are about to be "murdered", it would obviously be more viable to end it all calmly than to end up being killed painfully and worse.

wait, repress the situation and wait to see how it continues.

 

[GoingMyOwnWay]

given the situation, I recommend not trying anything and waiting to see how you can proceed. If you're still not sure you're really in danger, you don't have to think about how to end your own life. If you see that you are about to be "murdered", it would obviously be more viable to end it all calmly than to end up being killed painfully and worse.

wait, repress the situation and wait to see how it continues.

Thanks for replying. To be honest the writing has been on the wall for a while. I'm not important enough to be shot dead in my sleep by a hitman. Only important enough to be taken care of out of sight of anyone and then some story fabricated to explain my disappearance.

I'm assuming that some kind of scene will be staged if I do end up getting caught out. I might just disappear never to be seen or heard of again.

Or I'll be found dead somewhere having "overdosed" on my previous drug of choice when I using 4 years ago. It is pretty hard to overdose on Meth, but it has been known to cause people's hearts to work to hard and stop or cause some other kind of cardiac issue.

Third situation is tampering with my car and some kind of road accident. As a result of this possibility I've barely driven over a couple of miles away from home in the past few months.

It's honestly so tiring trying to think ahead with everything I have to do in life. It would be easier just to drift off into a blissful forever sleep once I've ingested some N.

 

[bored_user]

i can imagine how difficult it is, but I recommend that you try to calm down a bit. It seems you've been in this situation since 2018, if you worry and show fear, everything will get worse. Study the steps, watch each situation carefully if there is really a possibility that someone is hunting your steps, investigate and work on it. Just running and ignoring is unfortunately not the best situation. If you continue in this way, each day you experience can be the most harrowing days of your life, always with the fear of something happening like it's already been happening. I've been through something like this before and it helped me step out of the shadows a bit and take control of the situation. Not that it really helps in your case, but for me it did, I recommend trying the same.

Live, but at the same time investigate. Do not restrict your actions for this reason.

 

[GoingMyOwnWay]

i can imagine how difficult it is, but I recommend that you try to calm down a bit. It seems you've been in this situation since 2018, if you worry and show fear, everything will get worse. Study the steps, watch each situation carefully if there is really a possibility that someone is hunting your steps, investigate and work on it. Just running and ignoring is unfortunately not the best situation. If you continue in this way, each day you experience can be the most harrowing days of your life, always with the fear of something happening like it's already been happening. I've been through something like this before and it helped me step out of the shadows a bit and take control of the situation. Not that it really helps in your case, but for me it did, I recommend trying the same.

Live, but at the same time investigate. Do not restrict your actions for this reason.

I would be interested to hear about your situation and how you got past it if you want to send me a P.M.

I feel like if I try and compile any evidence or do anything to improve my situation like fight back then I am just exposing myself and my family to more risk. Besides, short of attaching a go-pro to my head for when I go out and installing cameras in my car and around my house how am I supposed to compile any evidence of foul play. And you'd have to have some high level tech knowledge to install hidden devices

I had hoped that if I just keep my head down and avoid antagonizing the beast so to speak that I would eventually be left alone. That it would stop and they would realize that I am not a threat. I'm certain all my devices like phone, laptop etc are compromised so I've even avoided discussing this online as much as possible. Unfortunately, this does not seem to be the case. I either just face my fate and live my life until the hammer drops, try and run away (which I'm sure I won't get too far on my $8000 saved) or just order some N and hope that it gets through customs.

 

[Someone123]

Hi All,

I'm in a situation where I've got enough evidence to believe that it is just a matter of time before I'm taken out in real life for some things I said online about an oppressive regime (you can probably guess which one) in 2018/2019. I would need literal pages to describe why I think my life has got to this point, so I will just ask that you believe me here.

Due to lack of financial resources and not wishing to cause myself any more issues I have decided against trying to compile evidence, besides professionals tend to not leave evidence that someone like me could use to prove they are being targeted.

In light of a hopeless situation, do you think I would be better off just taking my own life? I hate the idea of being taken out and murdered in some way. I do not want my last moments on Earth to be in a situation where I'm scared and afraid for my life. I would prefer to be at peace with everything before I pass over to the other side on my terms.

I get all of this sounds like I might have mental issues and a persecution complex, so before you go ahead and comment something along these lines I'm aware of how it all sounds. But I'd ask that you give me the benefit of the doubt.

I definitely give you the benefit of the doubt, these things definitely happen- as a person who has gone through extreme persecution in a country where you wouldn't expect it (not from the government either) I definitely believe this (and my case is definitely not paranoia either). One rule of this site is to not encourage acts, so we have to be careful to go by this rule. I probably couldn't guess which country this is in because there are at least five that come right to mind where this could easily be the case. One factor I would consider is whether I thought torture would be a part of it to serve as a deterrent to others- I would be more likely to ctb in this case to avoid the risk of torture. But if their history is to just do a quick hit then it's a tougher call, I guess it's personal preference- I can see why your are considering this. What are the odds of this happening- 100%, 99% 90%, 75% - that would be a part of it too. If it looks pretty close to 100% chance of this happening then I can understand your reasoning, but it's still a judgment call. I hope you make the best decision for yourself.

 

[GoingMyOwnWay]

I definitely give you the benefit of the doubt, these things definitely happen- as a person who has gone through extreme persecution in a country where you wouldn't expect it (not from the government either) I definitely believe this (and my case is definitely not paranoia either). One rule of this site is to not encourage acts, so we have to be careful to go by this rule. I probably couldn't guess which country this is in because there are at least five that come right to mind where this could easily be the case. One factor I would consider is whether I thought torture would be a part of it to serve as a deterrent to others- I would be more likely to ctb in this case to avoid the risk of torture. But if their history is to just do a quick hit then it's a tougher call, I guess it's personal preference- I can see why your are considering this. What are the odds of this happening- 100%, 99% 90%, 75% - that would be a part of it too. If it looks pretty close to 100% chance of this happening then I can understand your reasoning, but it's still a judgment call. I hope you make the best decision for yourself.

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through something similar. But hopefully you are clear of it now? Though you are on this website which is usually a sign things are not a bed of roses!

The bizarre thing is that I'm in a separate country, and the things I spoke about were very insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It is a long story but there was a catalyst to this whole chain of events to where I find myself now and it is the most unfair and unjust thing to happen to someone. Nobody deserves this and I struggle to come to terms with it. I kept my mouth shut and tried to get on with life, but it does not seem to matter to these assholes.

I do not think there is a risk of torture, but they have made my life almost like torture by fucking with every single aspect of it. I do not have any information or anything they need.

When your devices are compromised, you cannot make a single plan or move or do anything without them knowing it. This is one of the most frustrating parts of the whole mess.

If I stay where I am it is just a matter of time. I cannot run away from something that has unlimited resources at it's disposal. I guess posting this is a way of venting how I'm feeling. I have nobody to talk to about this in real life.

 

[deleted]

Mind if I ask who you're running from? police? drug dealer? I'm not an angel I've done some bad things when I was younger that if they were found out I would probably be murdered or arrested, aside from the thoughts I've been having lately

 

[Pluto]

When I was in high school I got death threats from a couple of bullies who happened to be twin boys. At one point, every day I was waiting for them to pull up outside the house with their shotguns, but it never happened. It was more of a 'mock execution' (which is a form of torture).

What did happen is about 10 years worth of frequent nightmares, always involving running desperately and being chased by those guys. And all just because they were sadistic and I was unprotected and vulnerable; they had absolutely no grievance with me whatsoever.

I know how stressful this sort of situation can be. Obviously it would be preferable to CTB before being murdered, but I can't help also feel a healthy skepticism regarding the threat. If you are able to access methods for home defense, that would be good. Though statistically, most firearm deaths (at least in the US) are actually suicides.

 

[Someone123]

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through something similar. But hopefully you are clear of it now? Though you are on this website which is usually a sign things are not a bed of roses!

The bizarre thing is that I'm in a separate country, and the things I spoke about were very insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It is a long story but there was a catalyst to this whole chain of events to where I find myself now and it is the most unfair and unjust thing to happen to someone. Nobody deserves this and I struggle to come to terms with it. I kept my mouth shut and tried to get on with life, but it does not seem to matter to these assholes.

I do not think there is a risk of torture, but they have made my life almost like torture by fucking with every single aspect of it. I do not have any information or anything they need.

When your devices are compromised, you cannot make a single plan or move or do anything without them knowing it. This is one of the most frustrating parts of the whole mess.

If I stay where I am it is just a matter of time. I cannot run away from something that has unlimited resources at it's disposal. I guess posting this is a way of venting how I'm feeling. I have nobody to talk to about this in real life.

I am actually not clear of the long term effects of the situation and I won't be until I leave this world, even though the original situation was over a long time ago. There were other things that also really went wrong- I really just had terrible luck, though I also made some mistakes on the path of trying to fix things. It will have to be your own judgment call what to do and when. If you do choose to ctb (catch the bus = commit suicide), the method matters. For example, one post I was looking at earlier today was from a person who previously had been a prison guard for years- he said in the prison that attempted suicide by one of two means- partial hanging or cutting. He said that cutting never worked but that partial sometimes did- for the partial attempts that worked they were all in a seated position and leaning forward with a knot at the back of the neck. The guard, after he left the prison, has tried to do this the same way that they did- he has tried to duplicate this as closely as possible 25 times and he has not been able to get this to work. So if you do decide to try to ctb choosing a method that has more chance of success matters. Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[GoingMyOwnWay]

Mind if I ask who you're running from? police? drug dealer? I'm not an angel I've done some bad things when I was younger that if they were found out I would probably be murdered or arrested, aside from the thoughts I've been having lately

CCP.

When I was in high school I got death threats from a couple of bullies who happened to be twin boys. At one point, every day I was waiting for them to pull up outside the house with their shotguns, but it never happened. It was more of a 'mock execution' (which is a form of torture).

What did happen is about 10 years worth of frequent nightmares, always involving running desperately and being chased by those guys. And all just because they were sadistic and I was unprotected and vulnerable; they had absolutely no grievance with me whatsoever.

I know how stressful this sort of situation can be. Obviously it would be preferable to CTB before being murdered, but I can't help also feel a healthy skepticism regarding the threat. If you are able to access methods for home defense, that would be good. Though statistically, most firearm deaths (at least in the US) are actually suicides.

Sorry to hear you had to go through that and have the associated trauma afterwards. Just another example of how cruel people can be towards each other. I'm proud of how humans have advanced as a species, but there's still so many savages out there who take enjoyment out of other people's suffering.

Unfortunately I wish I could share your skepticism, but there's been too much happen lately that would tell me my days are numbered. The walls are closing in and if that is the way it's going to be I do not want my last moments to be in panic or fear. I wish I could have access to a firearm, something to defend myself with would at least provide some comfort. Unfortunately gun control is tight where I live, unless you're part of a gang. The gangs seem to have all the guns in my country and they have been shooting each other a lot lately.

I am actually not clear of the long term effects of the situation and I won't be until I leave this world, even though the original situation was over a long time ago. There were other things that also really went wrong- I really just had terrible luck, though I also made some mistakes on the path of trying to fix things. It will have to be your own judgment call what to do and when. If you do choose to ctb (catch the bus = commit suicide), the method matters. For example, one post I was looking at earlier today was from a person who previously had been a prison guard for years- he said in the prison that attempted suicide by one of two means- partial hanging or cutting. He said that cutting never worked but that partial sometimes did- for the partial attempts that worked they were all in a seated position and leaning forward with a knot at the back of the neck. The guard, after he left the prison, has tried to do this the same way that they did- he has tried to duplicate this as closely as possible 25 times and he has not been able to get this to work. So if you do decide to try to ctb choosing a method that has more chance of success matters. Good luck whatever you decide.

I can relate to you my friend. I did make a couple of poor decisions. But I had no way of knowing how things would snowball out of control so quickly. I got pretty unlucky for sure. However I do think there is a higher power out there that really does try to intervene and help those who might be persecuted, because I really should be dead already. I have had a couple of close calls.

I have SN, I have tested it and my blood went brown so it should hopefully work if I really need it. However I am quite hesitant of using it because it does not seem a peaceful way to CTB. I want to CTB with N which you might be familiar with? It is the ultimate peaceful pill and hopefully I will be able to get it into the country without it being taken away by customs.

 

[Someone123]

CCP.



Sorry to hear you had to go through that and have the associated trauma afterwards. Just another example of how cruel people can be towards each other. I'm proud of how humans have advanced as a species, but there's still so many savages out there who take enjoyment out of other people's suffering.

Unfortunately I wish I could share your skepticism, but there's been too much happen lately that would tell me my days are numbered. The walls are closing in and if that is the way it's going to be I do not want my last moments to be in panic or fear. I wish I could have access to a firearm, something to defend myself with would at least provide some comfort. Unfortunately gun control is tight where I live, unless you're part of a gang. The gangs seem to have all the guns in my country and they have been shooting each other a lot lately.



I can relate to you my friend. I did make a couple of poor decisions. But I had no way of knowing how things would snowball out of control so quickly. I got pretty unlucky for sure. However I do think there is a higher power out there that really does try to intervene and help those who might be persecuted, because I really should be dead already. I have had a couple of close calls.

I have SN, I have tested it and my blood went brown so it should hopefully work if I really need it. However I am quite hesitant of using it because it does not seem a peaceful way to CTB. I want to CTB with N which you might be familiar with? It is the ultimate peaceful pill and hopefully I will be able to get it into the country without it being taken away by customs.

N is something that many people can not access, including myself. For SN there is Stan's Guide, on this website, to improve the chances of it working. Good luck whatever you decide.