StrawberryRed
🌺🌺
- Oct 16, 2024
- 38
When I was younger I never talked , even when spoken to. I think I was selectively mute. I also moved alot, and have a very disconnected family. Because of this I missed out on a lot basic milestones, and socializing, stuff like that. I also think I'm autistic. I am fully convinced my brain is behind developmentally, that I'm operating below average. Like this cant be the same brain everyone else is working with, in fact I know it not, I don't learnto spell my name until I was like 9. That's not normal. Im have to be stunted mentally or smthn. I cant procces emotions or think as critically or just shut the fuck up for once. My self control is basically nonexistent. I cant ever just act fucking normal. I try but it never seems good enough. People always tell me I can off strange or scary or intimdating or offputting. Idk what to do about it , I'm trying really. It just never works. The rejection makes me feel so bad that I've gone so far as to just avoid other people completely. I cant handle living the same cycle over and over again. I was thinking abou this because I'm realizing these people I'm friends might just be pretending to like me. Before it goes any further I just want to shut it done, cut them off and everyone else too just to make sure. I wish I could live on island or smthn never have to speak ( or force someone to listen to me ) again.
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