Kokonoe
Worthless
- Apr 20, 2023
- 29
Had a mental health crisis over this weekend while on a trip with friends, ended in my entire social life being destroyed because they all abandoned me. The most painful part has been how differently they started treating me when they realized I am ill, and they wouldn't focus on anything else. They wouldn't listen to me at all, won't tell me anything, keep their distance, pretend I'm not there, tell me "You need help from a professional, I can't do anything for you." It all feels so dehumanizing and it hurts so much, I'm sick of it. And the doubt they have over everything I say even makes me doubt myself. It makes me feel more ill than I know I am. It makes me want to cry.
I don't know why I'm posting this other than to get my thoughts somewhere? Maybe others can relate to how much it hurts to be treated like this. I don't know.
My former best friend has distanced herself from me greatly after witnessing me in crisis. Went from supporting me in desperate times, insisting that I'm too important of a part of her life for her to lose me. To keeping so much distance, not acknowledging me, treating me almost with disgust, and no issues with losing me at all anymore. It hurts a lot. She even had the audacity to somehow slip a note to my parents when dropping me off back at home..? I don't even know when she found the chance and I'm still so confused, she never answered me when I asked. But she did this behind my back, knowing full well my parents treat my poorly, and that this could end up hurting me more (and it did). But essentially she told them everything that happened, and is now in contact with my (somewhat abusive) parents, and they're all treating me like I'm some sick child...it hurts so much, and I'm not being told anything so I'm extremely confused, and I'm being treated like I have to be taken care of, it's so reluctant, it's not like they care and want to support me because they care at all. It feels so strange. I told her everything I've been struggling with for the last 6 months, all my struggles I couldn't talk about out of fear, because I trusted her, and she just didn't believe me, brushed it all of it aside, just used it to treat me like I'm insane..it really hurt.
I'm still remembering so much of what happened that weekend and it felt so confusing, it hurt a lot. I couldn't remember that she had been to my house before, and she was very alarmed by that, and that's immediately when she started to treat me so differently. It felt like I didn't know her at all, I felt very uncomfortable. She kept telling me it's not my fault, it's out of my control, that there's just something "chemically wrong" with me and that I need to seek professional help. She kept saying that a lot and it upsets me so much. I have professional help, I don't like being told there's something "chemically wrong" with me..and why is she so insist it's something that needs medicine? What does she know that I don't?? Anyways, I remember her taking the time to bandage up some of my wounds that were still bleeding, and saying things to me like, "I know you don't know me now, but in better times we're very close." All of it made me very uncomfortable. It does feel like I never had known her very well? So having her say all these confusing things, and act so friendly with me like she knew me made me feel very uncomfortable. She has been treating me differently like that since, but she's been more cold and distant, which hurts a lot. The fact that she ignored me telling her to not involve my parents because they would cause problems for me if they knew, and talked to them anyways, hurt a lot. It hurt that she would betray me like that, treating me like I don't know any better...being treated like that is so frustrating. None of this feels real still. I really want to go back to how things used to be with everyone. I miss everyone. Please. This hurts too much.
I don't know why I'm posting this other than to get my thoughts somewhere? Maybe others can relate to how much it hurts to be treated like this. I don't know.
To explain more of what's been happening to me, at least for my own sake..
My former best friend has distanced herself from me greatly after witnessing me in crisis. Went from supporting me in desperate times, insisting that I'm too important of a part of her life for her to lose me. To keeping so much distance, not acknowledging me, treating me almost with disgust, and no issues with losing me at all anymore. It hurts a lot. She even had the audacity to somehow slip a note to my parents when dropping me off back at home..? I don't even know when she found the chance and I'm still so confused, she never answered me when I asked. But she did this behind my back, knowing full well my parents treat my poorly, and that this could end up hurting me more (and it did). But essentially she told them everything that happened, and is now in contact with my (somewhat abusive) parents, and they're all treating me like I'm some sick child...it hurts so much, and I'm not being told anything so I'm extremely confused, and I'm being treated like I have to be taken care of, it's so reluctant, it's not like they care and want to support me because they care at all. It feels so strange. I told her everything I've been struggling with for the last 6 months, all my struggles I couldn't talk about out of fear, because I trusted her, and she just didn't believe me, brushed it all of it aside, just used it to treat me like I'm insane..it really hurt.
I'm still remembering so much of what happened that weekend and it felt so confusing, it hurt a lot. I couldn't remember that she had been to my house before, and she was very alarmed by that, and that's immediately when she started to treat me so differently. It felt like I didn't know her at all, I felt very uncomfortable. She kept telling me it's not my fault, it's out of my control, that there's just something "chemically wrong" with me and that I need to seek professional help. She kept saying that a lot and it upsets me so much. I have professional help, I don't like being told there's something "chemically wrong" with me..and why is she so insist it's something that needs medicine? What does she know that I don't?? Anyways, I remember her taking the time to bandage up some of my wounds that were still bleeding, and saying things to me like, "I know you don't know me now, but in better times we're very close." All of it made me very uncomfortable. It does feel like I never had known her very well? So having her say all these confusing things, and act so friendly with me like she knew me made me feel very uncomfortable. She has been treating me differently like that since, but she's been more cold and distant, which hurts a lot. The fact that she ignored me telling her to not involve my parents because they would cause problems for me if they knew, and talked to them anyways, hurt a lot. It hurt that she would betray me like that, treating me like I don't know any better...being treated like that is so frustrating. None of this feels real still. I really want to go back to how things used to be with everyone. I miss everyone. Please. This hurts too much.
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