Venting Being kidnapped by some creep who likes me seems better than my life.

[greyblue_bian]

Honestly, I am aware that my thoughts and fantasies of being kidnapped by someone who is attracted to me and wants to care for me are because of my insecurity, family, and my inability to handle it but I'm desperate and couldn't care less if the experience traumatized me more than I already am.

In my mind, it seems nice to be able to just all of sudden, have a new life with someone new that cares for me more than anyone I've ever met has ever before. I'd be able to just be at peace and maybe even happy. However, I also know that I would regret this as I get scared of the idea of romantic relationships because of all the commitment I will have to put into it.

I know this sounds sick but I have no one. There's been nobody who has genuinely cared about my well-being. Not even myself, really. But, I am also physically unattractive and not the most ideal female someone would want to be in a relationship with so I'm not really sure why I would think these things. Like I said, I'm desperate. And the last time I let my desperacy be known to someone, they took advantage of it and it hurt me even more when we stopped speaking.

I wouldn't care if they raped me because I'm already sexually abused and I deserve it and I wouldn't care if they hurt me because I deserve it. I just want to feel cared for. It doesn't even have to be true care or love. I just want to feel cared for. That's all.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

this is a bit disturbing. sorry you are going through this but you definitely do not 'deserve' this. i hope you can learn to take care of you and not rely on some 'creep'. relationships come and go. it can be argued that some leave you worse off than if you never met that person in the first place. do you have activities you enjoy?

 

[Arachnid_Antichrist]

I've felt this way before. Sometimes I fantasize about some sort of stalker or someone being obsessed with me to the point of following me everywhere. Sometimes I wonder to myself "Maybe I would be less lonely if someone was following me everywhere. Because so there was always someone watching me then I wouldn't be alone all the time. Maybe someone would finally love me for who I am. Maybe I am lovable and I'm not a burden on everyone around me".

It also sounds kinda romantic to me, too. Just having someone tell me that they love me and are absolutely enthralled with me even being in their presence would send me soaring. But idk really what I'm saying.