being gay ruined my life

[starboy2k]

went from being confused about being gay, to accepting it, to loving being gay, back to being confused about it, to downright hating it.

so many years of being bullied for being something I didn't even know I was. years of being neglected AND sheltered because I wasn't the straight child my buffoon lesbian of a mother wanted me to be, and she thought bird-caging me in a depressing apartment would prop me up for the cruel world I would have to face one day.

will NEVER find true love because I definitely dont think that exists ESPECIALLY for gays like me. had to resort to constant sex to feel something…yet just walked away with the reality that Im nothing but a hole.

being gay, autistic, adhd, bipolar, black, poor, AND stuck with a fucking autoimmune disease, there is literally no "hobby", or "therapy session", or "flunky medication" i could do or use, that could convince that I should and will live a long healthy life. that bullshit is clipped lol. i know i sound like a damn broken record at this point, but death is literally the only option for me.

now sashay away lol

 

[claracatchingthebus]

went from being confused about being gay, to accepting it, to loving being gay, back to being confused about it, to downright hating it.

so many years of being bullied for being something I didnt even know I was. years of being neglected AND sheltered because I wasnt the straight child my buffoon lesbian of a mother wanted me to be, and she thought birdcaging me in a depressing apartment would prompt me up for the cruel world I would have to face one day.

will NEVER find true love because I definitely dont think that exists ESPECIALLY for gays like me. had to resort to constant sex to feel something…yet just walked away with the reality that Im nothing but a hole.

being gay, autistic, adhd, bipolar, black, poor, AND stuck with a fucking autoimmune disease, there is literally no "hobby", or "therapy session", or "flunky medication" i could do or use, that could convince that I should and will live a long healthy life. that bullshit is clipped lol. i know i sound like a damn broken record at this point, but death is literally the only option for me.

shanté, sashay away lol

Sorry things have been so difficult.

 

[pomie]

curious, why do you think there is no true love for you? if you're ok with answering. Im just wondering what you meant with "gays like me"

 

[starboy2k]

curious, why do you think there is no true love for you? if you're ok with answering. Im just wondering what you meant with "gays like me"

•because mostly ive been in situations where sometimes the love/affection that I gave scared people away.
•some people see me as weak, so cheating or disrespecting me is fair game.
•considering not only me being gay but also black that makes me bottom of the totem pole when it comes to desire or attraction.
•"true love" never finds me, companionship, tolerance, and the need to use me to get their rocks off however does.

I could go on and on but you get the gist

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

YOU HAVE SUMMONED, THE ASTOLFO

 

[pomie]

•because mostly ive been in situations where sometimes the love/affection that I gave scared people away.
•some people see me as weak, so cheating or disrespecting me is fair game.
•considering not only me being gay but also black that makes me bottom of the totem pole when it comes to desire or attraction.
•"true love" never finds me, companionship, tolerance, and the need to use me to get their rocks off however does.

I could go on and on but you get the gist

That's so saddening to read. You sound like someone so genuine who just wants to give love and get love in return.
You've been through a lot. Most men are so cruel no matter their sexuality, I suppose. It's no surprise that you stopped believing that true love is out there, I don't blame you. I wish I could say something to convince everyone of the opposite, but that's not how reality is and it doesn't help anyone to just keep regurgitating the same meaningless positivity.

There's a lot of peace that comes from being content with yourself though, even alone. That way it gets a little more bearable. And I don't mean like "omg, i love myself" it's more like "Other people are the problem. I have myself to rely on". Especially in this modern era people are weird as hell about love for some reason. it's like everyone is fckn brain damaged
Sorry if I ramble weird shit btw i'm esl and autistic as hell lmao. shantay u stay

 

[brighteyesfan144]

•because mostly ive been in situations where sometimes the love/affection that I gave scared people away.
•some people see me as weak, so cheating or disrespecting me is fair game.
•considering not only me being gay but also black that makes me bottom of the totem pole when it comes to desire or attraction.
•"true love" never finds me, companionship, tolerance, and the need to use me to get their rocks off however does.

I could go on and on but you get the gist

honestly im not gonna say them but there are worse things in the gay community than being black. you sound like you are cute probably and you're not "nothing but a hole" but you do need to take care of yourself ... i hope you're not still living in that apartment