I self-injure to punish myself and to try to make my family who severely mistreats me see and grasp how much they hurt me!!!!!! Instead of learning any lessons and changing their behavior, they emotionally abuse me more and scapegoat me!!!!!! Last Saturday, my brother and I got into a huge argument over the color of meat, which led to a several hour blow-up and afterwards, i injured myself by cutting my wrists, beating myself in the head, and ripping my hair out!!!! To try to make him see just how deeply hurt I was and to try to teach him a lesson, after I cut my wrists, i smeared my blood on a piece of paper and stapled my ripped out hair to the paper as well!!!!!! Just tonight, he yelled at and scapegoated me over that!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just thinking about it is making me injure myself more!!!!!!!! I am beating myself in the head now!!!!!! I just clawed my wrist again!!!!!!!!! I am convulsing and feel like I am having a seizure!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sobbing hysterically!!!!! I can barely breathe!!!!!!!! I just want to die sooooo badly!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to die!!!!! I want to die!!!!! I want to die!!!!! I want to die!!!!! I want to die!!!! I want to die!!!!!! I want to die!!!!!! I want to die!!!!!!!
