Being Found

[Flutter Girl]

I don't know how to plan on being found…I need someone to rescue my dog so she doesn't go hungry and thirsty, but I need enough time to go by in case it takes a while to CTB (methylation issues, etc). I also have issues with time blindness, so I'm sure I won't be able to go forward at whatever exact time I decide on.

The big problems here are that:
- No one cares about me, and I could go without getting found for a long period. I don't know how to change this without raising suspicion.
- I can't give her away, ppl would automatically know something was up, and what if I failed? She's all I've had in this life, & she helps with my disabilities…I need her for survival, & I'm still worried if my SN is legit.
- I don't have the money for a hotel or boarding, and a cruel ex sabotaged her leash and public access training to keep me from independence, before things got even worse with Long COVID. I use a chair in public, and am afraid of her escaping her harness again if I tried to move her on my own.

I'm way more concerned about her safety than about my own CTB. I'm also sad that I can't die with her at my side (vomit would be dangerous to her because she would try to revive me, so despite being mostly bedbound I'd need to move to an area where she couldn't access me).

I'm more than sad, actually…I'm angry. If MAID was allowed here, I could go peacefully with N, with her at my side, and could at least maybe get some people to come, so I wouldn't have to die alone.

If I knew that life's "success" and, hell, SURVIVAL, was so dependent on lies, manipulation, and the twisted things people will do in the name of capitalism, maybe I would've stood a chance.

Instead, I stupidly believed in hard work and being a good and honest person. And that's what's gotten me here (and I can't change it either…it's just how I'm wired). It didn't help that I wasn't taught to protect myself, as my mother is a malignant narcissist/puppeteer, and my birth father was a pedo. It sure as hell didn't serve them to teach me how to protect myself, or how to function. I see portrayals of "normal" families on TV, and it's still shocking to me to think of the life I SHOULD'VE had. I was just an innocent, naive kid.

I fought so hard to have a good & generous life, to have a good job…and late in life disabilities forced me right back where I started. Miserable, alone, and with little independence (which is waning quickly). I wish I'd known that the "just world hypothesis" was a load of shit ages ago.

::sigh::

But anyway…yeah. I need to find a way to ensure my dog is safe, so I can just be done with all this. It crushes me to know how much it will upset her, but the physical and emotional pain, the history of abuse, the poverty, and more…it's all just too much.

(Edit: this is way longer than anticipated…I've never been able to speak out on all this, and it just came spilling out. Thanks to anyone that took the time to read)

 

[jackodonnell]

Could you schedule an email to send? Or you could post a letter to someone? It would take at least a day to get to them. Then at least someone will know to come and get your dog. Is that an option?

 

[gottablast888]

Could you schedule an email to send? Or you could post a letter to someone? It would take at least a day to get to them. Then at least someone will know to come and get your dog. Is that an option?

i second this and leave plenty of food out and maybe get one of those large water dispensers so ur dog always has clean water

 

[°Celsuis_Caesar]

-Delayed E-Mail
-Comically large Bowls of Dog food/Water, etc.

They have a two weeks supply of emergency food on Air Force One, so if possible adopt that strategy with how much food/water the dog would need

Also stay tuned for some better information from other members

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really stressful what you are going through and I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I do wish we lived in a world where our right to die is respected and then we could pass away peacefully at a time of our own choosing. I wish you the best in whatever happens and I hope you find relief from your pain.

 

[Hollowman]

I've thought about leaving a note in my mailbox asking them to contact the police.

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

I'd definitely look into scheduling an email -- that way you can stop it if by chance you change your mind or you don't succeed. I know that you can schedule emails easily with Gmail and Outlook, so I imagine that there are likely other email providers that also give that option.

 

[Cathy Ames]

My plan is for there to be no pets in the house at my time of death (unless I die naturally prior to CTB).

With no animals there, it won't matter how long it takes for my body to be found. But it sounds like you are unable to do that.

 

[MementoMori81]

Depending on what sort of size your dog is (I'm assuming something like a Labrador off the type of my head?), You could get your hands on one of those programmable automatic dog feeders. Fill it, program it in to dispense the food for however many days/portions per day etc. They're really reasonably priced as well a lot of them. Then there are the automatic water dispensers for dogs, and these too seem very reasonable.

Regarding getting yourself found so that someone can come and collect your dog, I would send a few letters out. That'll give you a day or two leeway. But I'd definitely send out a few so that you can be sure of getting help over for your dog. I would even add in scheduled emails just to triple proof things for your dog's sake.
Hopefully that helps a little.