Being eligible for VAD doesn't give me any relief

[unluckysadness]

I was expecting some relief after my approval for VAD, but it seems to be the opposite. My brain seems to disagree this idea and my symptoms are increasing.

If anyone else is eligible for assisted suidide / euthanasia / MAID, could you tell me how do you cope with it ?

Is your family aware of your plans ? Does it give you some relief ? Or does it make you feel sadder because it's becoming real ? I feel really guilty for my family if I decide to go to Switzerland alone. I know we cannot avoid suffering for those who stay, but for some reason, I would feel a little less guilty if I decide to go with SN at home or in a hotel.

 

[hevnsfall]

Did you get you final greenlight from the docs? What is the most concerning issue at the moment? Having to go alone overseas or the aftermath of the family grief and them having to deal with the remain afterwards? This too i feel is an issue for me aswell because on one hand, i live in another city and my family crypt is in my hometown, yet i do not plan to CTB by SN in a hotel in my hometown to not trigger any bad memories for them.. tho it would make the funeral arrangements easier.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I'm sorry to hear that. IMO, in this situation you should be entitled to put yourself first.

 

[unluckysadness]

Did you get you final greenlight from the docs? What is the most concerning issue at the moment? Having to go alone overseas or the aftermath of the family grief and them having to deal with the remain afterwards? This too i feel is an issue for me aswell because on one hand, i live in another city and my family crypt is in my hometown, yet i do not plan to CTB by SN in a hotel in my hometown to not trigger any bad memories for them.. tho it would make the funeral arrangements easier.

Yes everything is okay, they agree I have enough serious health issues to have the right to die. Dying with strangers in a foreign country really bothers me. I wish I could talk about my plans with my family but I know they will judge me and they will never accept my decision. If only I had a good friend irl who wouldn't judge me and could accompany me, it would be much easier for me to go to Switerland. There are advantages and disadvantages of both solutions but for the moment I'm just lost in my thoughts.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

I understand what you're saying about dying alone but also not being able to talk to your family. I'm sorry you're going through that.

Are you sure you can't have a friend go with you? I really feel like people have the right to die comfortably (ie not alone), and it would be an honor for someone to do this for you. If you can afford it, you could look into a death doula too. That would help me a lot if I were in your shoes.