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What value is there to a life that wants to end?
Jul 5, 2023
a friend of mine in a server brought up the topic of islamophobia, and while it wasn't targeted towards me, considering how i've been doing recently it definitely made me feel like shit. maybe it was targeted actually, considering i've mentioned how uncomfortable religion makes me. but i digress.

being an ex-muslim in a muslim country is one of the worst feelings imaginable. at least when it comes to being a lesbian or such, i can always turn to the internet for comfort. but i can't talk about this when online thanks to how heavily the internet centers around the west, and how different things are there. the only place i've felt like i can talk about this is on here, it's laughable that the only place that feels accepting of me is a suicide forum of all places. guess that speaks volumes of how my life is meant to conclude.

it's just so tiring. i know i shouldn't think this way, but when i hear the same thing that's been used to ruin my life in every way imaginable as something innocent and undeserving of any criticism of any kind it makes me want to throw up. it's not that i even want to be like this, if i could just be dumb and oblivious, i'd want nothing more than that. but i just can't, it's difficult to say. it's like i freeze up when i even hear that sort of thing.

i wish i were dumb and oblivious. it's like if you managed to finally leave a cult, but almost everyone in the world supports said cult and the idea that you deserve to die. i don't even mind, i just wish dying was easier.


One of These Nights
Aug 9, 2023
Hello wristcutangel. All of that is very sad. I wish you could escape from there and maybe your sorrow will end. I wish you the best in your personal decision and in what you believe.
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Sep 28, 2022
Religion also makes me uncomfortable - it always has, ever since I was a child. I'm not in the same horrible position as you are, but I've always had to hear horrible and hateful stuff from the religious side of my family.

I don't have any problem with people believing all sorts of things, even if I couldn't get myself to believe in it at all. The terror of religion is when those beliefs take shape in reality; making grand claims about the nature of things, and judging between right and wrong without anything of substance to show for it. Most belief systems are guilty of this, even those that are non-religious in nature.

As humans, we find comfort in ideas, and we shape the world according to it. But most often than not, those ideas restrict us and our way of living - and it gets worse when other people's ideas of how things are and ought to be are imposed onto us.

The people who would bring harm to you for being a lesbian, or an ex-muslim, are imposing their beliefs and restricting your experience in this world - but they are also imposing and restricting themselves of different experiences, just because of their ignorance, lack of understanding, and also arrogance. They are arrogant in thinking that their way of seeing things should apply to anyone else.

Praying to a God, however imaginary it may be, brings harm to no one - but doing awful things in the name of said God... Well, only a fanatical person would do such thing, and sadly, the world is full of them.

Just the other day I had a talk with a family member - he preached and recited verses of the Bible to me in order to convert me to his belief system. He didn't seem to pick up the fact that I wasn't interested, so he rambled for almost two hours while I asked some questions in between. Soon enough, he started to spew hateful things, mostly anti-LGTB rethoric and lies - not knowing that he was talking right then to someone that fits like a glove with the people that they hate so much. My point is that, because of the way of thinking that has been taught to him since very little, he limits himself and his experiences in regards to gender and sexuality, and even other things such as philosophy, literature and science, since he believes that the bible contains all the truths of this life, so he doesn't need to explore anything else. Not content with limiting himself, he seeks to impose those limits onto others as well; in the country I'm from, religion only has a minor power, if any at all, so he cannot impose his will onto others, but if he could, he would do the same thing as it is done in your country.

It is hard, if not impossible, to live in a world that wants you to suffer for who you are, for no good reason at all.


Jun 20, 2023
I'm an ex-muslim too— fortunate enough to live in a secular country but with conservative parents, the support of whom I'd lose if I came out, so to speak.

I understand your frustration surrounding the mainstream western (liberal) perception of Islam. Morally it's far worse than Christianity— but it's since it's typically thought of as a brown people's religion, criticism of it is often met with accusations of racism or prejudice. The word Islamophobia is a semantic atrocity and worsens the situation— it conflates discrimination against Muslim people with valid ideological criticism— criticism of Islam's misogyny, homophobia, and treatment of apostates, among other things.

One good thing that Musk's Twitter/X did was bring back ex-muslim accounts previously suspended for Islamophobia (or something). There are also tons of people in similar situations on the exmuslim subreddit (it's not the best place to go if you're looking for optimism but it is a good place to go if you want to feel understood, or talk to people who can relate to you).

Islamic states are horrible in their treatment of women, queer people and apostates, and I'm truly sorry that these are your circumstances. I really do hope that you manage to emigrate one day and live without fearing prosecution just because of who you are. Feel free to dm if you ever want to talk/vent <3
empty sighs

empty sighs

deserves to die “しがみつくな”
Feb 14, 2022
I’m sorry you’ve had such difficulties. Have you seen the YouTube channel TheraminTrees? He’s a therapist and an atheist, I’ve found his videos can be very affirming in regards to atheism; he talks a lot about Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.

There’s a lot of people who identify as atheists in the world, you’re not alone, my father was in a cult so I understand what it’s like. According to the Pew Research Center 1 in 6 people identify as non-religious, of course I can see how it would be difficult living in a place where religion is high density, instead of a place like China where half the population identifies as atheist.
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Mar 9, 2023
MFW an SJW tells me that me being an "islamophobe" makes me a bigot... I feel for you.
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Dormies sicut stellae luceant
Aug 18, 2023
I too am an ex-muslim originating from a muslim-majority country from a muslim family but I cannot escape the psychological guilt of leaving islam. I’m currently lucky to be in a position where I live and work abroad, away from my family, so I can enjoy drinking and eating whatever I want, but my visa will expire next year and I’ll be forced to return to my hellhole muslim country, unless I could get a job with visa sponsorship or ctb here.

Religion is being weaponized as a political agenda in my country, along with race. Technically my country is diverse and quite peaceful, which results in a beautiful multicultural country, but politicians are creating unnecessary barrier to keep everyone separated to get votes by fear mongering.

And also during my primary school years, my parents forced me to go for extra religious classes everyday on top of my already exhausting day at school. The education system here is broken and unnecessarily difficult, so I’m out getting education for almost 10 hours per day when the extra 3.5 hours is just for the extra religious classes at the mosque. Then my parents wonder why I’m doing poorly academically, as I have more load than I can handle, it’s just a broken system.

I’ve also grown to resent the religious people because they’re sociopaths. I was sabotaged by a religious muslim housemate, and that forced me to miss out on a lot of job opportunities that would have me end up in a better place than my dead end job which unfortunately I still work at. He also reads the koran loudly in his room and came from a religious secondary school. He sabotaged me, then went to Saudi Arabia for an umrah, as if god would forgive him and grant him immunity after screwing with me for no reason (I keep myself out of trouble from everyone in general). My parents meanwhile, wants me to believe that being sabotaged is a ‘good thing’ and that it’s a ‘challenge from god’ and the cliche response you can hear from religious people. I snapped and made it clear to my parents that I gave up on ‘god’s challenge’ and I may soon give up on my life.

I could write more but I’ll leave it as it is, just sucks for me to be born a muslim, surrounded by sociopaths and hard to psychologically exit the religion because it has taught me from the youth that I cannot exit or I’ll face getting a major sin and stoned to death.
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