I have really been trying to beat this, for my children, but no matter how hard I try, nothing gets better. I finally went to the hospital about 5 months ago, I am going to classes three times a week for five hours a day, I am seeing a psych doctor, seeing a therapist, still nothing has changed. When I was in the hospital I felt good, but once I am back in real everyday life, everything goes back to the way it has always been. This was my last ditch effort. I think today is the day, I am tired of fighting and I am tired of trying, I am exhausted, I have nothing left. I am going out to buy a large sized charcoal grill and a huge bag of charcoal, and go out as peacefully as I can. At this point, my children are better off without me. One is grown and doing very well and has his father, my youngest is young enough, yet old enough she will be okay, she will be with a loving and stable family she has known since birth. They hold a power of attorney so they will get custody of her, the document is iron clad. She will get my SS benefits too, and my other stuff such as property and a little savings, and her Godparents are well off so she will want for nothing. I just hope the method I have chosen works. She is going away for a sleepover tonight, I will leave a note on the front door to call 911 and to not enter. NO one will come until tomorrow afternoon so that should be enough time. I really wanted to live, and I worked so hard at trying to overcome this, but it just didn't work.
