Become religious or ctb an update

[Volatile]

I made a post recently about whether I should become religious or ctb. Well, I recently started attending daily mass. I've done 2 days and it's already soul-crushing. I haven't converted but I feel so alone when I'm sitting in the church. It's physically painful. Also the act of putting on a suit each day and leaving at the same time just drives the knife in deeper, I hate monotony. No wonder I always lose jobs.

The only interaction with others is saying "peace be with you." It's empty and meaningless.

I still don't want to die but life is torture. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

[typx]

Give it some time if you want to give it an honest shot.

 

[Volatile]

Give it some time if you want to give it an honest shot.

My mind is so broken. I hate all of this. It's truly a diabolical punishment to be forced into this world.

 

[typx]

My mind is so broken. I hate all of this. It's truly a diabolical punishment to be forced into this world.

I know all those feelings, man. Especially the broken mind.