Be careful what you wish for

[Echo]

Been suicidal for a good few years now, it's slightly eased up in the last month for some reason.
During dark days I've wished for a serious illness to take over me. Well I might have just got that wish.

I've had an urgent doctors appointment and xray done today. I have a high white blood cell count, way above normal levels that the doctor is concerned about.

I'm possibly being referred to a specialist as blood cancer is a possibility. I'm just awaiting more tests.
I always thought if I got ill I'd be glad but I've got a headache from the stress of worrying. I told a family member and they asked me if I'm worried I just said its maybe a mix up at the lab as I dont want them fretting that I'm worried. I should find out next week what's going on.

 

[bleakwinter]

Sorry! There's a YouTube video about a cancer expert in his 80s saying cancer is dependent on glucose.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It could be a lot of things, many benign. I hope you don't have any cancers. Wait on the test to know for certain. Good luck!

 

[Echo]

^ thanks guys

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't understand those who wish to have a serious illness. Honestly, most methods of ctb is far better than dying naturally through cancer or some other illness. The only natural death which I think is relatively okay to die from is a cardiac arrest (note that this isn't the same as a heart attack). Otherwise, the ways to die naturally are awful and brutal. It surprises me that, with how brutal dying is overall, euthanasia isn't legalised.

Hopefully you don't have cancer

 

[whywere]

I am praying and keeping you in my heart and mind.

You are a wonderfully kind and caring person and all my love, and thoughts go out to you.

We are all family here and family looks out for each other.

Vibrant blue skies and a beautiful sunrise to you to enjoy.

Walter

 

[BlackDoor]

I wish everything goes as well as it can for you and that you are able to have whatever it is that you desire at this time; don't feel down about experiencing passive ideation before if it's not what you want for yourself now. Just take care of yourself. May everything goes as you wish.