Yellow_Water620
Member
- Jan 27, 2025
- 9
TL;DR got face fucked by my family, dumped on the street and now secretly live with them as a proverbial ghost
_____________
TW:SA Mentioned
Hi,
I am 18yo and graduated HS this year. And basically this whole year has been a clusterfuck haha.
This summer,
I was in the process of packing my things as my mom was going to be moving away the following day, leaving me behind. No money, No shelter, NADA. I guess my older sister(25) thought that wasn't enough so she felt the need to kick me while I was still down. I suppose she wanted to expedite the process of me leaving, so she purposely sat in my room, and she knows all my triggers and just kept talking and wouldn't leave my space because she knows I need time alone to grieve. That's how I always dealt with things. I hate feeling vulnerable in front of others. I know I probably should have removed myself but I was stubborn and I knew it was unfair how I was being treated. We had a back and forth until she said I was just like my father. We are estranged;a morally reprehensible husk of a man I never want to become. I suspect she resents me because he was molesting her all the while she was being parentified into taking care of my siblings and I. I was deeply offended and siked her out on throwing a small plant vase(hardly a vase, you could fit the damn thing in the palm of your hand) to get her to leave my room. I broke my composure and yelled at her to leave and asked her why she would say such a thing. She still wouldn't leave and decided to call the police, saying I hit her?? (Sounds about white
)
My older sister decided to then tell me that she would rather I had died instead of my brother. Which led to me becoming a disgusting, snotty, blubbering mess. The kind of crying where you have to inhale before each word. Because I knew. I knew no one expected anything from me, yet paradoxically I was supposed to fill the hole he left when he died. The only reason I was born was for that very fact. I knew they hated me, but there is a kind of dissociation that occurs when its your own intellectual understanding. I wasn't ready to actually hear it.
Oh but it gets better!
She then went on to record my meltdown and confession of past suicidal ideation. For which I then was forcibly taken to a hospital by said police. Beautiful work, really.
I sat in a hospital bed being a complete waste of resources. For hours I sat there until I said the right things to avoid being put in a psych ward like my younger sister was. Then, I was discharged and they told me I had to clear the room out for the next person. I had to walk all the way home at 3am Yippee!!! You guys are real heroes!!! On the bright side, I have a newfound understanding for why people never ask for help when they're suffering. Your autonomy is stripped away and you're treated like fucking scum.
My sister has BPD among other things and if you've never dealt with a mf with BPD bless your soul.
//no offense if you have the condition//
We have to really analyze the play-by-play, that combo she got me with. Instant replay! lol
I just felt so violated because I had a whole plan to CTB in the past. It was more so a coping mechanism if anything. My ultimate escape hatch if things got unbearable. That's what made what she said particularly horrible.
It was hard not to go back to that dark place.
I wont get into my mother because I genuinely could write a book just about how vile she is alone. All you need to know is she produces children on the kind of whim you buy that counterfeit labubu on temu and thinks men have 24k gold cocks or something the way she puts them on a pedestal while her children are treated like bottom echelon.
My current situation
↓
Anyways, I became a ghost these past months. I initially went to a youth homeless shelter. They were at full capacity. No one cares. You never really understand this in highschool because everyone is paid to care about you but once you're an adult shit really hits the fan, huh. And I know it might be crazy to say but my being saved from homelessness kind of ruined me. I will explain. Basically I realized oh shit i will really die out here.The homeless shelter was nice enough to offer me an uber and I ubered my way to my moms new apartment and ive been sneaking around like a rat ever since. That's right, i didn't spend a single night outside. I live in a closet of my younger siblings' room(15,16) im pretty short so its a actually quite comfortable, im able to charge my phone in here, i play video games all i want, they think im dead or worse, i can eat whatever i want and most of the day i am able to roam around the place until my mom comes home. Sometimes i wake up from this coma in a cold sweat, hyperventilating because life just doesnt feel real. I feel like ive been dead all these months. I know this isnt right, i know i have to grow up and be a functioning member of society. I so, so want that. I want to work hard for my dreams, i still have those surprisingly enough. I never in my 18 years of living expected id end up like this LMAO. My friends have no idea im living like this, i text them and pretend everything is smooth sailing because it is so damn embarrassing, really. They are in college and im so fucking proud of them because they also escaped a problematic household, I can't burden them with my bs. Soooooo yeah. I dont plan on killing myself anytime soon, i really just laid everything ass cheek bare out for all yall to see, hopefully someone takes solace in it, gets a laugh, i dont fucking know. Only i am responsible for my own happiness, only i can get myself out of this rut, i know that much. If anyone wants to throw their two cents my way in any capacity im all ears. Ciao
_____________
TW:SA Mentioned
Hi,
I am 18yo and graduated HS this year. And basically this whole year has been a clusterfuck haha.
This summer,
I was in the process of packing my things as my mom was going to be moving away the following day, leaving me behind. No money, No shelter, NADA. I guess my older sister(25) thought that wasn't enough so she felt the need to kick me while I was still down. I suppose she wanted to expedite the process of me leaving, so she purposely sat in my room, and she knows all my triggers and just kept talking and wouldn't leave my space because she knows I need time alone to grieve. That's how I always dealt with things. I hate feeling vulnerable in front of others. I know I probably should have removed myself but I was stubborn and I knew it was unfair how I was being treated. We had a back and forth until she said I was just like my father. We are estranged;a morally reprehensible husk of a man I never want to become. I suspect she resents me because he was molesting her all the while she was being parentified into taking care of my siblings and I. I was deeply offended and siked her out on throwing a small plant vase(hardly a vase, you could fit the damn thing in the palm of your hand) to get her to leave my room. I broke my composure and yelled at her to leave and asked her why she would say such a thing. She still wouldn't leave and decided to call the police, saying I hit her?? (Sounds about white
)My older sister decided to then tell me that she would rather I had died instead of my brother. Which led to me becoming a disgusting, snotty, blubbering mess. The kind of crying where you have to inhale before each word. Because I knew. I knew no one expected anything from me, yet paradoxically I was supposed to fill the hole he left when he died. The only reason I was born was for that very fact. I knew they hated me, but there is a kind of dissociation that occurs when its your own intellectual understanding. I wasn't ready to actually hear it.
Oh but it gets better!
She then went on to record my meltdown and confession of past suicidal ideation. For which I then was forcibly taken to a hospital by said police. Beautiful work, really.
I sat in a hospital bed being a complete waste of resources. For hours I sat there until I said the right things to avoid being put in a psych ward like my younger sister was. Then, I was discharged and they told me I had to clear the room out for the next person. I had to walk all the way home at 3am Yippee!!! You guys are real heroes!!! On the bright side, I have a newfound understanding for why people never ask for help when they're suffering. Your autonomy is stripped away and you're treated like fucking scum.
My sister has BPD among other things and if you've never dealt with a mf with BPD bless your soul.
//no offense if you have the condition//
We have to really analyze the play-by-play, that combo she got me with. Instant replay! lol
I just felt so violated because I had a whole plan to CTB in the past. It was more so a coping mechanism if anything. My ultimate escape hatch if things got unbearable. That's what made what she said particularly horrible.
It was hard not to go back to that dark place.
I wont get into my mother because I genuinely could write a book just about how vile she is alone. All you need to know is she produces children on the kind of whim you buy that counterfeit labubu on temu and thinks men have 24k gold cocks or something the way she puts them on a pedestal while her children are treated like bottom echelon.
My current situation
↓
Anyways, I became a ghost these past months. I initially went to a youth homeless shelter. They were at full capacity. No one cares. You never really understand this in highschool because everyone is paid to care about you but once you're an adult shit really hits the fan, huh. And I know it might be crazy to say but my being saved from homelessness kind of ruined me. I will explain. Basically I realized oh shit i will really die out here.The homeless shelter was nice enough to offer me an uber and I ubered my way to my moms new apartment and ive been sneaking around like a rat ever since. That's right, i didn't spend a single night outside. I live in a closet of my younger siblings' room(15,16) im pretty short so its a actually quite comfortable, im able to charge my phone in here, i play video games all i want, they think im dead or worse, i can eat whatever i want and most of the day i am able to roam around the place until my mom comes home. Sometimes i wake up from this coma in a cold sweat, hyperventilating because life just doesnt feel real. I feel like ive been dead all these months. I know this isnt right, i know i have to grow up and be a functioning member of society. I so, so want that. I want to work hard for my dreams, i still have those surprisingly enough. I never in my 18 years of living expected id end up like this LMAO. My friends have no idea im living like this, i text them and pretend everything is smooth sailing because it is so damn embarrassing, really. They are in college and im so fucking proud of them because they also escaped a problematic household, I can't burden them with my bs. Soooooo yeah. I dont plan on killing myself anytime soon, i really just laid everything ass cheek bare out for all yall to see, hopefully someone takes solace in it, gets a laugh, i dont fucking know. Only i am responsible for my own happiness, only i can get myself out of this rut, i know that much. If anyone wants to throw their two cents my way in any capacity im all ears. Ciao
