wishiwasalittlecool
title here
- Nov 10, 2025
- 16
School. Tests. Work. Family.
I just cut myself because I can't balance anything. No matter what I have upcoming, I act like it doesn't exist. At least, not until it makes me cut myself. I want out. There's nobody in this world who can help me. If I'm the only one who can save myself I'm better off dead. I consider every week day/work day as a bad day. Therefore my only good day is Sunday. I called in sick on Saturday so I was able to have 2 good days. Now I will pay the price when I wake up today, Monday. I will pay the price of 3 bad days. I will cut myself. Sometimes I wish I listened to my "friend." She told me to just kill myself since it's this bad. She also has spread private things I've only told her. If she finds my account she'll just tell everyone but fuck it. If she finds out I'll CTB. At least I'll get some motivation to CTB ASAP. I know my final moments won't be peaceful. I only have access to a razor and recently found a rope. Before I found SaSu, I was considering slitting my wrists. Luckily I didn't. I am considering partial hanging or the ligature method due to my limited access to materials, although I find it very scary. I just want to take something and doze off into nothingness. I have no way to come into access with SN or chemicals like that. I didn't know I had this rope. I hope, as an only child, my parents will suffer minimally with my suicide. It's not my responsibility to live for anyone but, if I were them, I'd kill myself if my only child commit suicide. Imagine working hard, slaving away, just for your only son to kill himself before he even hits 20.
I was on call with a friend. We share the same religion. I told her that I wish God wasn't real because I'm 100% convinced he is and our religion is the truth. Dying and becoming nothing feels so much better than suffering again. I cut myself on call. I need help. Help that I can't get. I'm intimidated by my family doctor and apparently I can't get access to a therapist/psychiatrist unless I open up to her. Fuck that. There's nothing left for me anyways.
Nobody deserves this. Not me, not my family, not my friends. But just because we don't deserve it doesn't mean we have a free pass. We all have to suffer, some more than others. I am suffering. I need help. Every cut is a cry for someone to come and save me. I cannot rely on myself, not even to CTB in an accurate way. I'm scared of entering a vegetative state.
I just cut myself because I can't balance anything. No matter what I have upcoming, I act like it doesn't exist. At least, not until it makes me cut myself. I want out. There's nobody in this world who can help me. If I'm the only one who can save myself I'm better off dead. I consider every week day/work day as a bad day. Therefore my only good day is Sunday. I called in sick on Saturday so I was able to have 2 good days. Now I will pay the price when I wake up today, Monday. I will pay the price of 3 bad days. I will cut myself. Sometimes I wish I listened to my "friend." She told me to just kill myself since it's this bad. She also has spread private things I've only told her. If she finds my account she'll just tell everyone but fuck it. If she finds out I'll CTB. At least I'll get some motivation to CTB ASAP. I know my final moments won't be peaceful. I only have access to a razor and recently found a rope. Before I found SaSu, I was considering slitting my wrists. Luckily I didn't. I am considering partial hanging or the ligature method due to my limited access to materials, although I find it very scary. I just want to take something and doze off into nothingness. I have no way to come into access with SN or chemicals like that. I didn't know I had this rope. I hope, as an only child, my parents will suffer minimally with my suicide. It's not my responsibility to live for anyone but, if I were them, I'd kill myself if my only child commit suicide. Imagine working hard, slaving away, just for your only son to kill himself before he even hits 20.
I was on call with a friend. We share the same religion. I told her that I wish God wasn't real because I'm 100% convinced he is and our religion is the truth. Dying and becoming nothing feels so much better than suffering again. I cut myself on call. I need help. Help that I can't get. I'm intimidated by my family doctor and apparently I can't get access to a therapist/psychiatrist unless I open up to her. Fuck that. There's nothing left for me anyways.
Nobody deserves this. Not me, not my family, not my friends. But just because we don't deserve it doesn't mean we have a free pass. We all have to suffer, some more than others. I am suffering. I need help. Every cut is a cry for someone to come and save me. I cannot rely on myself, not even to CTB in an accurate way. I'm scared of entering a vegetative state.
