TheHatedOne
Death is salvation
- Sep 26, 2021
- 2,028
I'm talking here about experiences that would make one person even more suicidal, would make their life worse or even ruin it.
I had an experience that scarred me for life between 2016 and first half of 2017. I have a feeling that this changed my life and it's the thing that made it go downhill continuously.
Back then I was searching for friends on Reddit. I met this guy from one of the friendship subreddits and we started to talk. I felt a lot of sympathy for him because he was abused by his family and experienced many horrors under them, but thankfully he managed to move out and was only in contact with his sister.
Eventually we became close cause we understood each other and he was a pretty nice guy, we also had kinda similar interests. I liked his personality, and as I said before, I felt a lot of sympathy and compassion for him. I cared a lot and worried a lot for him.
At one point though I started to develop feelings for him. When I gathered the courage to tell him, it seemed that he had feelings for me too. And that's how my second relationship ever started. I remember we got together right one day before I started high school.
Things were going okay for a while. He was very loving and caring, despite his difficulties in life. We were also voice chatting sometimes. But after we started to argue pretty often, and once we had a tragic argument that resulted into something I'm not going to talk about.
After this event things calmed down and it went relatively normal up until November 2016. One day during that month it seemed that he suddenly vanished. Of course I waited cause I thought maybe he was busy or something. But then days passed. We were on good terms before this sudden leave. I started to worry.
I want to make a mention that he was Dutch and that he was 23 at the time. I know, I know, I wasn't aware back then that it wasn't okay age wise. I didn't know anything back then.
Days became weeks. I started to worry so much and kept spamming him messages wondering what the hell happened. I was crying every day. I wasn't eating too much and mostly just stayed in bed. Around that period I also have discovered self harming and started to cut myself. I also started, for the first times, to act on my suicidal thoughts.
I thought of him unironically that he was the one, that it couldn't be otherwise because we were so fit for each other. Oh god do I wanna slap my younger self so much.
Anyways, all this every day suffering and worry up until January. Then I received some messages from him. He told me that he has been and still was in hospital. I don't remember the reason but I felt that it was kinda, I don't know, it sounded suspicious. Then he said he would stay even more cause he fell on ice and hurt his, I don't know how to type the word sorry. He even sent me one photo but it was kinda vague.
He wouldn't message me that much after. I think he did it only twice while supposedly there. You'd think that maybe he wasn't allowed on phone that much, but I'd see him every single night active on the app we were talking, always around 5am.
That time I was still crying daily, not eating much, sitting in bed pretty much all day, self harming, acting on suicidal thoughts. My birthgivers eventually discovered (minus self harming and acting on suicidal thoughts) and of course they made it worse. They were shouting at me and even threatened me to stop it.
I kept suffering like this until February. I remember that night. He supposedly came out of hospital and we started to talk again more often. I started to calm down.
However, he seemed really changed. During this time he was very cold and distant to me, and most of the time straight out rude and aggressive. It scared me. He wasn't even saying much when I told him that my birthgivers kept on arguing and it was scaring me.
And then, on March 2017.... the worst happened.
Again he vanished like in November back then. But this time, it only lasted days.
However, when I got a message from him... it wasn't actually him. Or so I thought.
It was someone else, a person with malicious intents that appeared to have stolen his phone and called me all kinds of names and threatened me. This person then proceeded to block me on the main app we were talking.
I was.... shattered, devastated, confused, lost. I had no one to tell these things, all these weird ass things that were happening since November 2016. I began crying uncontrollably, then my ''mother'' saw me and started to threaten me.
I resorted to self harming again. I was self harming daily by that point.
I was looking at the other apps we would talk on and it appeared that he was active on one of them non stop.
After a week I spam him on there too.
It was that malicious person again, throwing awful insults at me and threatening me, destroying me mentally. As if I wasn't already destroyed. He then proceeds to tell me an offer. He said he would offer the e-mail of my partner in exchange for nudes. Me, being the desperate that I was at that time, I was intensely pondering over it. Under no way I was going to do such a thing, but I really want to get in contact with my partner at the time. So I just sent fake nudes from Google images.
But then, the creepier part comes in. The person realized they were fake and told that the nudes should have a paper on which the real name should be written on it and three fingers up. Then I searched fake images with these requirements.
It was also then when I started to regain my senses and my full rationality and I was thinking ''man, if this fucker took over his whole phone, how the fuck will I be able to message him through the email if the fucker has his email?''. The person told me again that those are fake. To which I just replied to him: go fuck yourself. And blocked him everywhere.
I was shattered. But also proud that I didn't actually gave in to that terrifying shit. After this somehow I managed to find another Dutch person on Reddit and I told the guy my situation to which he said he would help me and investigate into it. he told me that such crimes, and crimes overall in The Netherlands are low.
But the help didn't arrive in the end, probably he didn't want to get into shit to which I completely understand. Nevertheless, I was thankful that I at least could talk about it.
At first I thought that indeed there was a malicious person who stole his phone. But after approximately one week... I was thinking.... If that was the case, wouldn't the guy who was my partner, try to contact me somehow? Through PC, through his sister, there were many solutions. But he didn't. And that's when it clicked. That fuck pretended he had his phone stolen so that he could, how to say, I don't know, lure me into something sinister? All those 6 months together were only a scam. I'm not fully certain 100% that this could've happened, but it seems very likely.
Since this happening my life went downhill, no break ever throughout these years. It all went to shit and my personality also changed. I think that this is the happening that turned over my life. This got me into self harming and acting on suicidal thouights. It's during and after this that I started to become a ruin.
This whole happening might seem controversial, or, I don't know. I'm not looking for any solve or something, I really don't want to spend more time on this as the effects can clearly be seen. I just wanted to vent and bring some awareness that, appearances, especially on the internet, deceive. And this, if not taken into account, can destroy lives. Appearances deceive, it's the biggest lesson I have learnt in my life. Anyways, stay safe and beware of any person you meet on the internet. I realized I made a novel, but if you made it so far and read the whole thing, a big thank you.
If anyone else had bad experiences on the internet and would like to share, don't hesitate to do it.
I had an experience that scarred me for life between 2016 and first half of 2017. I have a feeling that this changed my life and it's the thing that made it go downhill continuously.
Back then I was searching for friends on Reddit. I met this guy from one of the friendship subreddits and we started to talk. I felt a lot of sympathy for him because he was abused by his family and experienced many horrors under them, but thankfully he managed to move out and was only in contact with his sister.
Eventually we became close cause we understood each other and he was a pretty nice guy, we also had kinda similar interests. I liked his personality, and as I said before, I felt a lot of sympathy and compassion for him. I cared a lot and worried a lot for him.
At one point though I started to develop feelings for him. When I gathered the courage to tell him, it seemed that he had feelings for me too. And that's how my second relationship ever started. I remember we got together right one day before I started high school.
Things were going okay for a while. He was very loving and caring, despite his difficulties in life. We were also voice chatting sometimes. But after we started to argue pretty often, and once we had a tragic argument that resulted into something I'm not going to talk about.
After this event things calmed down and it went relatively normal up until November 2016. One day during that month it seemed that he suddenly vanished. Of course I waited cause I thought maybe he was busy or something. But then days passed. We were on good terms before this sudden leave. I started to worry.
I want to make a mention that he was Dutch and that he was 23 at the time. I know, I know, I wasn't aware back then that it wasn't okay age wise. I didn't know anything back then.
Days became weeks. I started to worry so much and kept spamming him messages wondering what the hell happened. I was crying every day. I wasn't eating too much and mostly just stayed in bed. Around that period I also have discovered self harming and started to cut myself. I also started, for the first times, to act on my suicidal thoughts.
I thought of him unironically that he was the one, that it couldn't be otherwise because we were so fit for each other. Oh god do I wanna slap my younger self so much.
Anyways, all this every day suffering and worry up until January. Then I received some messages from him. He told me that he has been and still was in hospital. I don't remember the reason but I felt that it was kinda, I don't know, it sounded suspicious. Then he said he would stay even more cause he fell on ice and hurt his, I don't know how to type the word sorry. He even sent me one photo but it was kinda vague.
He wouldn't message me that much after. I think he did it only twice while supposedly there. You'd think that maybe he wasn't allowed on phone that much, but I'd see him every single night active on the app we were talking, always around 5am.
That time I was still crying daily, not eating much, sitting in bed pretty much all day, self harming, acting on suicidal thoughts. My birthgivers eventually discovered (minus self harming and acting on suicidal thoughts) and of course they made it worse. They were shouting at me and even threatened me to stop it.
I kept suffering like this until February. I remember that night. He supposedly came out of hospital and we started to talk again more often. I started to calm down.
However, he seemed really changed. During this time he was very cold and distant to me, and most of the time straight out rude and aggressive. It scared me. He wasn't even saying much when I told him that my birthgivers kept on arguing and it was scaring me.
And then, on March 2017.... the worst happened.
Again he vanished like in November back then. But this time, it only lasted days.
However, when I got a message from him... it wasn't actually him. Or so I thought.
It was someone else, a person with malicious intents that appeared to have stolen his phone and called me all kinds of names and threatened me. This person then proceeded to block me on the main app we were talking.
I was.... shattered, devastated, confused, lost. I had no one to tell these things, all these weird ass things that were happening since November 2016. I began crying uncontrollably, then my ''mother'' saw me and started to threaten me.
I resorted to self harming again. I was self harming daily by that point.
I was looking at the other apps we would talk on and it appeared that he was active on one of them non stop.
After a week I spam him on there too.
It was that malicious person again, throwing awful insults at me and threatening me, destroying me mentally. As if I wasn't already destroyed. He then proceeds to tell me an offer. He said he would offer the e-mail of my partner in exchange for nudes. Me, being the desperate that I was at that time, I was intensely pondering over it. Under no way I was going to do such a thing, but I really want to get in contact with my partner at the time. So I just sent fake nudes from Google images.
But then, the creepier part comes in. The person realized they were fake and told that the nudes should have a paper on which the real name should be written on it and three fingers up. Then I searched fake images with these requirements.
It was also then when I started to regain my senses and my full rationality and I was thinking ''man, if this fucker took over his whole phone, how the fuck will I be able to message him through the email if the fucker has his email?''. The person told me again that those are fake. To which I just replied to him: go fuck yourself. And blocked him everywhere.
I was shattered. But also proud that I didn't actually gave in to that terrifying shit. After this somehow I managed to find another Dutch person on Reddit and I told the guy my situation to which he said he would help me and investigate into it. he told me that such crimes, and crimes overall in The Netherlands are low.
But the help didn't arrive in the end, probably he didn't want to get into shit to which I completely understand. Nevertheless, I was thankful that I at least could talk about it.
At first I thought that indeed there was a malicious person who stole his phone. But after approximately one week... I was thinking.... If that was the case, wouldn't the guy who was my partner, try to contact me somehow? Through PC, through his sister, there were many solutions. But he didn't. And that's when it clicked. That fuck pretended he had his phone stolen so that he could, how to say, I don't know, lure me into something sinister? All those 6 months together were only a scam. I'm not fully certain 100% that this could've happened, but it seems very likely.
Since this happening my life went downhill, no break ever throughout these years. It all went to shit and my personality also changed. I think that this is the happening that turned over my life. This got me into self harming and acting on suicidal thouights. It's during and after this that I started to become a ruin.
This whole happening might seem controversial, or, I don't know. I'm not looking for any solve or something, I really don't want to spend more time on this as the effects can clearly be seen. I just wanted to vent and bring some awareness that, appearances, especially on the internet, deceive. And this, if not taken into account, can destroy lives. Appearances deceive, it's the biggest lesson I have learnt in my life. Anyways, stay safe and beware of any person you meet on the internet. I realized I made a novel, but if you made it so far and read the whole thing, a big thank you.
If anyone else had bad experiences on the internet and would like to share, don't hesitate to do it.
