Hello there,
I'm back with good news. That devastating period of my life -- the worst of it I think past, and the part where I thought another blow was gonna land, it didn't. I'm back to a calm normal. Nevertheless, I'm not getting rid of my method, and I still want to plan for dying within the next couple of years. I wanted to go before my 25th birthday, but kinda had the corny idea of joining the 27 club. I think it kinda sounded cool -- kinda fucked I know, because the people who ended up on such a list for the most part didn't choose to be there.
Anyway, I think my choice has been less made with distrught emotions, it's more calculated, more about choice and rights. The right to die, the choice to not want to live with the idea of a future filled with pain and suffering... well enough with the attempts to be edgy and cool. I feel like I'm embarressing myself.
On a positive note, I've been doing a good job of keeping my room clean, I don't want it to go back to me not doing it. It's so nice to have a clean room. I also have been getting back into my hobby of creatve writing, and am trying to get back into 3D modeling -- also reading things. I'm still trying to pursue getting politically active. I'm also been reading a fanfiction series, and been looking forward to the chapter updates and interacting with the author. I'm also trying to make a video game... Even through the worst period, I found joy in my creative pursuits.
As of right now I'm not considering ctb much, although when I have I've been stuck on what to say to my niece and nefhew. Especially my nefhew, I feel kinda guility with the idea that I would be leaving them behind -- they wouldn't have no one to protect them, but I know they would have one person less. Also, I really wanted to see my creative pursuits through... all in all. Life is at an up, and I'm gonna just enjoy it while it's here. I also been playing video games (sometimes I struggle to want to play them) -- and I'm excited about a new opportunity that opened up for me.
I'm back with good news. That devastating period of my life -- the worst of it I think past, and the part where I thought another blow was gonna land, it didn't. I'm back to a calm normal. Nevertheless, I'm not getting rid of my method, and I still want to plan for dying within the next couple of years. I wanted to go before my 25th birthday, but kinda had the corny idea of joining the 27 club. I think it kinda sounded cool -- kinda fucked I know, because the people who ended up on such a list for the most part didn't choose to be there.
Anyway, I think my choice has been less made with distrught emotions, it's more calculated, more about choice and rights. The right to die, the choice to not want to live with the idea of a future filled with pain and suffering... well enough with the attempts to be edgy and cool. I feel like I'm embarressing myself.
On a positive note, I've been doing a good job of keeping my room clean, I don't want it to go back to me not doing it. It's so nice to have a clean room. I also have been getting back into my hobby of creatve writing, and am trying to get back into 3D modeling -- also reading things. I'm still trying to pursue getting politically active. I'm also been reading a fanfiction series, and been looking forward to the chapter updates and interacting with the author. I'm also trying to make a video game... Even through the worst period, I found joy in my creative pursuits.
As of right now I'm not considering ctb much, although when I have I've been stuck on what to say to my niece and nefhew. Especially my nefhew, I feel kinda guility with the idea that I would be leaving them behind -- they wouldn't have no one to protect them, but I know they would have one person less. Also, I really wanted to see my creative pursuits through... all in all. Life is at an up, and I'm gonna just enjoy it while it's here. I also been playing video games (sometimes I struggle to want to play them) -- and I'm excited about a new opportunity that opened up for me.
