Venting back to nightly anxiety attacks this is huge

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i started this episode at around 6pm, and now it's 1am. i'm so lightheaded and i'm so nauseous. i've been panicking off and on for hours, i'm so exhausted and i just want to sleep. my head hurts so bad and i cant stop trembling, i feel too exhausted to even move. all i can do is cut but i feel too tired to even lift my arm, just typing this feels like a struggle but idk what else to do. these blades are so cheap anyway ive gone through three just tonight. i ahev no one to reach out to and i never will. i have no kne to talk to i have no friends. everyone just left and now i'll have to deal with this alone every night again. no one cares. even if everyone realized how horrbble i feel and these awful nightly breakdowns , they wouldn't care. no one cares about me, i'm not worth being cared about apparently. everyoen knows about my struggles. all of my friends who left me at my worst knew about my struggles.
i jsut want to pass out snd sleep i cant do this. ive trieid everything and so mant resources and i cant get a single message back, there's no point because im just too repulsve to be csred about, i guess?