Venting Awesome! It's official! I've been banned from literally EVERY single internet website/forum/app ever except for Sanctioned Suicide!

[ConfusedHurting2632]

TL;DR At the bottom.

Any internet website/forum/app you can name I've been banned from. Reddit? BANNED! YouTube comments? BANNED! Instagram? BANNED! Discord? BANNED! Facebook? BANNED! WhatsApp? BANNED! Twitter? BANNED! TikTok? BANNED! Telegram? BANNED! Kik? BANNED! Snapchat? BANNED! Deviantart? BANNED! Tumblr? BANNED! Newgrounds? BANNED! 4chan? BANNED! And that's all the ones I can think of in this moment, but basically, any internet platform you can think of, I've been banned from it. Also including very obscure, unpopular niche ones that barely anyone knows.

They're also permanent IP bans that can't be gotten around using VPNs or Tor or whatever. Believe me I've tried. Platforms are becoming way more strict about IP bans and VPNs. But honestly I wouldn't really wanna go back anyway, as it already didn't work out and I don't wanna keep forcing it.

With the way things are going it's probably only a matter of time before I get banned from Sanctioned Suicide as well, though I really fucking hope not. This place is my only safe space outside of talking with my therapists. I already lost all my other safe spaces.

And honestly, I don't know if I can blame all those platforms for banning me. I'm extremely ill with several mental illnesses that make me act out. Bipolar, schizophrenia, and autism being some of the main ones, though there are certainly more. I definitely have many manic and psychotic episodes, and am often extremely delusional. I also have severe anger issues that I'm not proud of. What got me banned from these platforms is a combination of things.

For example, I'd say something stupid or creepy or whatever, someone would (probably rightfully so) call me out and insult me, and I'd then go into detail about how much I wanna torture them, rape them, kill them, shit all over their dead bodies, find and rape and kill all their family members and friends, etc. Those are usually the most extreme examples. Though some other times I'd just say really weird and really creepy stuff that usually no one else would say, often sexual in nature...like when women would post photos of themselves I'd go on and on about how soft, smooth and sexy their skin looks and how I wanna touch it so bad; and even though I wasn't threatening their life or anything people would still report me and then I'd get banned. Even if the mods/admins gave me a 2nd, 3rd, 4th chance or whatever, I'd still end up blowing it.

The mental illnesses are a big part of it, though honestly I'm not sure if they're 100% to blame. There are other people who share all these mental illnesses at once and are great and pleasant people. Even as a toddler I was already angry and violent and always getting into fights with the other kids. And I haven't changed a bit to this day.

Don't get me wrong, I've been taking many, many medications, seeing many, many therapists and psychiatrists, and have been to the mental hospital many, many times...BUT NONE OF IT IS WORKING!

All this to say, I'm 100% sure the world would be better off without me. I wish I could say this was just an online thing, but I'm just as bad in real life as I am online. So online or in real life, I'm insufferable.

So I deserve to die...and I WANT to as well. So makes for a good combo, eh? I'm too lazy and dumb to find a proper technique or method to die, but I just hope I either die in my sleep, get hit with COVID or another disease that'll kill me, get shot in the head by some sort of robber/mugger/gangster/serial killer/whatever, get hit by a car or bus passing by, etc.

TL;DR I really am a worthless piece of shit and an asshole. Both in real life and online. Literally everyone I've ever known hates me. Suicide is a favor for both me myself and the world around me, so people don't have to deal with my toxicity anymore. And I want to die anyway as I hate this planet.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Getting banned from those places is honestly a win rather than a loss due to how annoying those places can be

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

Getting banned from those places is honestly a win rather than a loss due to how annoying those places can be

I mean you're not wrong, lol. Interent websites/apps/forums or social media in general are just toxic places. People in real life are toxic as well, so even in real life most places are just toxic.

Besides my therapists Sanctioned Suicide is basically my only safe space, since I don't really have any friends or family members who don't hate me. Like anywhere else Sanctioned Suicide can be toxic, sure. But compared to most other places, both online and in real life, as a whole it's way less judgemental. At least here people can be honest about what they're feeling and not pretend to be something they're not.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

Out of all the groups I been on. I feel the people here are actually real. Reddit is a shit show echo chamber and the people there are the worst I've come across. Their "Suicide Watch" sub reddit is a joke. They do the usual "I love you, don't do it" Mother fucker, you don't love shit and don't know me and as soon as I am grounded you'll pat yourself on the back and ignore me. I hate people that say "I love you, I care, you mean something" No, Our dads nut in our mom and we come out 9 months later, THAT.IS.IT! . No miracle, No blessing, Just "Welcome to hell, dick head".

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

Out of all the groups I been on. I feel the people here are actually real. Reddit is a shit show echo chamber and the people there are the worst I've come across. Their "Suicide Watch" sub reddit is a joke. They do the usual "I love you, don't do it" Mother fucker, you don't love shit and don't know me and as soon as I am grounded you'll pat yourself on the back and ignore me. I hate people that say "I love you, I care, you mean something" No, Our dads nut in our mom and we come out 9 months later, THAT.IS.IT! . No miracle, No blessing, Just "Welcome to hell, dick head".

This 100%! I would give you a thousand likes if I could, lol. You're right, our dads nutting in our moms doesn't mean shit. Heck, a lot of times people are born out of rape! What the fuck kind of "miracle" is that?! Not to mention people who are born into abusive homes or who live in poverty and can't even afford to eat.

If a random guy on a whim decided to nut in a random woman, consensual or not, he totally could do it and if the woman was against getting an abortion, voila, a child would be born! A "miracle" that happened on a whim with no thought or planning! Not to mention when accidents happen or when condoms break.

And of course, Reddit is just bad. Say even the slightest non-harmful thing people disagree with, like "I prefer vanilla" in a sub-reddit that prefers chocolate? Bam, 100 downvotes and the mods ban you from that sub! And admins might take it even further and ban you from the site altogether for having too many downvotes and/or sub-reddit bans. And yeah, the "Suicide Watch" is horrible as well, for the reasons you already explained.

All in all...people just suck, and we never asked to be born. Lol.

 

[sevennn]

yeah well. intent is hard to get online even between two friends texting each other. unfortunately no one can reach through the screen and see that you are being psychotic. so the bans are understandable. who blocked your IP i never heard of this.

 

[promapicide]

Being banned because of an episode is real. Ironically, since it's been mentioned, SuicideWatch got me banned cause I recommended someone a method when it was clear things wouldn't get better for them

 

[PlannedforPeru]

Which ones were the easiest and hardest to get banned from?

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I've reported you to help keep your streak going. What you've managed so far is impressive, but I think we can do better.

 

[Chinaski]

Interestingly, SS remains the only website I've been banned from

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

yeah well. intent is hard to get online even between two friends texting each other. unfortunately no one can reach through the screen and see that you are being psychotic. so the bans are understandable. who blocked your IP i never heard of this.

Yeah...I have massive trouble in real life as well, but in real life there are a bit more social ques than online at the very least.

And yeah, no one can really tell I'm psychotic as they're not mental health experts. So the bans are understandable on that front. They might even think I'm trolling or being an asshole on purpose, trying to shock people as much as possible.

And all the ones I mentioned above banned my IP. Reddit and Instagram were the first ones I noticed, though all the rest did as well.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

I do the same, online as irl. I just can't help myself. Hope you won't get banned here!

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

Being banned because of an episode is real. Ironically, since it's been mentioned, SuicideWatch got me banned cause I recommended someone a method when it was clear things wouldn't get better for them

Yup. I've literally even lost all my friends and family members (except my parents) several times due to episodes!

But yeah. SuicideWatch is garbage, as is the rest of Reddit in general. How dare you say something they don't agree with? 100 downvotes and a sitewide IP ban coming your way!

Which ones were the easiest and hardest to get banned from?

Um...somewhat hard to say, but I feel Reddit was the easiest because of the massive downvotes and bandwagon effect against me, where the admins saw my massive downvotes and gave me a permanent IP ban based on that line. Hardest would probably be ones like Discord or WhatsApp since they're mainly just message based and have no public posts. Though I still managed to get banned anyway due to me being a psychotic asshole when having a manic episode.

I've reported you to help keep your streak going. What you've managed so far is impressive, but I think we can do better.

Hmmm...can't tell if you're joking or serious. If I lose Sanctioned Suicide as well, then my therapists will be my only support system. Which probably will inevitably (but I hope not) happen at some point after a psychotic manic episode or two. Either way, not sure what to do with this information, lol.

Interestingly, SS remains the only website I've been banned from

Hmmm really? I guess you and I might just be very different people then, lol. Either that or just different types of "luck."

I do the same, online as irl. I just can't help myself. Hope you won't get banned here!

Glad I'm not the only one! And you, I hope so too! Without this site my only support system are my therapists. And while it's great to have therapists it's nice to have other support systems as well, lol. My parents help me to an extent but they know zero about mental health. So they can't really help me on that front, or emotionally.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

Yup. I've literally even lost all my friends and family members (except my parents) several times due to episodes!

But yeah. SuicideWatch is garbage, as is the rest of Reddit in general. How dare you say something they don't agree with? 100 downvotes and a sitewide IP ban coming your way!

Um...somewhat hard to say, but I feel Reddit was the easiest because of the massive downvotes and bandwagon effect against me, where the admins saw my massive downvotes and gave me a permanent IP ban based on that line. Hardest would probably be ones like Discord or WhatsApp since they're mainly just message based and have no public posts. Though I still managed to get banned anyway due to me being a psychotic asshole when having a manic episode.

Hmmm...can't tell if you're joking or serious. If I lose Sanctioned Suicide as well, then my therapists will be my only support system. Which probably will inevitably (but I hope not) happen at some point after a psychotic manic episode or two. Either way, not sure what to do with this information, lol.

Hmmm really? I guess you and I might just be very different people then, lol. Either that or just different types of "luck."

Glad I'm not the only one! And you, I hope so too! Without this site my only support system are my therapists. And while it's great to have therapists it's nice to have other support systems as well, lol. My parents help me to an extent but they know zero about mental health. So they can't really help me on that front, or emotionally.

Unfortunately I treat my therapists the same….so I've "banned myself" from them too.

 

[sevennn]

I've reported you to help keep your streak going. What you've managed so far is impressive, but I think we can do better.

this is the most diabolical reply on sasu i've ever seen. i'm dead lol (i wish)

 

[maniac116]

Have you been diagnosed with those mental illnesses by a psychiatrist or is that what you feel is wrong with you?
Man, that's a lot of sites to be banned from but if you ask me it's a blessing lol.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

I've reported you to help keep your streak going. What you've managed so far is impressive, but I think we can do better.

Don't do this. We broken people need a place and this one have the most of all sane and like minded people I've been to. It's really not fair...even if it's just for LULZ, That's pretty shitty. Unless someone is intentionally being hurtful and hateful no one should be banned.

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

Unfortunately I treat my therapists the same….so I've "banned myself" from them too.

Damn...sorry to hear. Having no support system must be rough.

To a smaller extent I can relate to this though. Like when I saw my therapists and psychiatrists while having an episode. It's not like they stopped working with me, but they were just like "what in the absolute fucking hell?" And then I was sent to the mental hospital.

To be fair I can't really blame them for the mental hospital part. I was making death threats and rape threats to people, both online and in real life. I was breaking shit around my home, like walls, TV, windows, everything. I had even thrown some weights at my parent's cars! And I was also hurting myself as well, hurting myself using my teeth and my nails, and cutting myself with knives and razors and shit.

At that rate I probably would've killed either myself or someone else if left unchecked. Killing others would be bad, yes. As for killing myself, even though I want to die I can't blame others for trying to take preventative measures. Especially since if I kill myself while viewing a certain therapist or psychiatrist the blood will probably be on their hands, and they could lose their job. And it could also complicate things for my parents with the law, the police force knowing I killed myself while under their roof. Not that I can really move out anyway since my mental illnesses make it impossible.

It's an unfair system for sure, but those are explanations (not necessarily good ones) for why things are the way they are!

TL;DR Damn, sorry to hear. It's never easy. Wish we could all have support systems.

this is the most diabolical reply on sasu i've ever seen. i'm dead lol (i wish)

Yeah, it certainly is something. And I can relate to "I'm dead," both literally and figuratively. I was it was literal. Lol.

Have you been diagnosed with those mental illnesses by a psychiatrist or is that what you feel is wrong with you?
Man, that's a lot of sites to be banned from but if you ask me it's a blessing lol.

For better or worse, yes, I have actually been officially disagnosed. I met basically all the criteria for all of them.

This means the illnesses are actually a part of me and I'm not just making them all up. If I were just making them all up I think it'd probably be easier, as all it would take is a change in mindset. But no, when I actually have illnesses (and literally do) it's literally just how my brain is wired and the natural occuring hormone imbalances that cause mental illness. Much harder (though not necessarily impossible...for most people anyway) to change.

And yeah. The vast majority of places on the internet are really toxic anyway. So I'm not missing out on much.

Most places in real life are really toxic too, but at least in real life people might treat you with a SMIDGEN of respect, even if they don't respect you at all and are just faking it. But people online don't really have any reason to fake it. So they tell you how much they hate you with no filter.

Overall though I'm best just staying home and not talking to people online either. Cuz both in real life and online I always inevitably end up pissing people off with something I say.

TL;DR Yes, I have actually been been diagnosed with all those mental illnesses by a psychiatrist. And yeah, most places on the internet (and in real life too actually) are just toxic garbage. I kind of do better when I just keep to myself. Lol.

 

[nattys5thtoenail]

WhatsApp?? Isn't that an app where you send your parents pictures and they respond back with ""?? How do you even get banned from that…

And discord of all places, where I've seen people upload child porn and Nazi imagery, you got banned from??

You must be tripping dawg…

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

Don't do this. We broken people need a place and this one have the most of all sane and like minded people I've been to. It's really not fair...even if it's just for LULZ, That's pretty shitty. Unless someone is intentionally being hurtful and hateful no one should be banned.

To be fair, I'm not exactly certain if they're joking or serious. It's kind of hard to tell with people online, lol. But yeah, I do agree with you! Even if they did report me though it doesn't mean the mods would actually ban my profile, thankfully, lol. They'd probably have to review things first.

WhatsApp?? Isn't that an app where you send your parents pictures and they respond back with ""?? How do you even get banned from that…

And discord of all places, where I've seen people upload child porn and Nazi imagery, you got banned from??

You must be tripping dawg…

Honestly I kind of wish I knew...it's like I become possessed by a demon or something when having an episode. Even for WhatsApp and Discord I kept threatening to rape, torture, and murder people and then proceed to shit all over their dead bodies. I kept saying I would hack and track down their address and that me and my accomplices would break into their house and kill them. That I was going to dox and swat them. And then just for shock value I said that I raped children and tortured animals for fun. So yeah. Basically all the worst shit you can imagine, even for WhatsApp and Discord standards.

And even with my parents on WhatsApp I kept sending them death threats both through the app and in real life. After I was done threatening to kill and rape them in real life I would go to my room and keep doing the same thing through WhatsApp. To the point where even my own parents reported me so I don't have access to the app to keep threatening people, themselves or other people.

For the record, I don't endorse any of this shit. But my mental psychotic manic episodes are no joke. I've been to the mental hospital many, many times. During those episodes I'm so delusional that I even start believing I have superpowers or that I'm God or whatever and that I can kill people in a bloody and gruesome way just by snapping my fingers.

TL;DR Not 100% sure, but I somehow managed to do it. From sending so many death threats and rape threats to so many people (including even my own parents) when having psychotic manic episodes it eventually all caught up to me. Even on WhatsApp and Discord I can't keep threatening people forever.

 

[athiestjoe]

I've reported you to help keep your streak going. What you've managed so far is impressive, but I think we can do better.

LMAO

Both in real life and online. Literally everyone I've ever known hates me.

Well not everyone hates you as we certainly do not, you always have us no matter what you decide.

Any internet website/forum/app you can name I've been banned from

As to the banning from those sites, maybe it is a blessing in disguise who knows, sounds like a badge of honor. Although I definitely do not go out of my way trying to get banned and understand if I said or did certain things they probably would. So I filter what I say and where...of course. But probably one-off wild or extreme stuff wouldn't even result in a ban but a suspension first so I am not sure exactly what you did, for how long, how many reports, etc it took for that to happen. I guess some things could lead to instant bans though for sure.

To be fair I can't really blame them for the mental hospital part. I was making death threats and rape threats to people, both online and in real life. I was breaking shit around my home, like walls, TV, windows, everything. I had even thrown some weights at my parent's cars!

Sounds like you understand that sort of conduct is likely to result in some ramifications and precautions. Hopefully you are feeling better now a bit from that experience. So sorry you went through all that.

At that rate I probably would've killed either myself or someone else if left unchecked. Killing others would be bad, yes.

As for killing others, please do not do that. While we have the right to make our own decisions we shouldn't extend that into others and maybe you were being extreme and not serious, I hope so anyways.

Don't get me wrong, I've been taking many, many medications, seeing many, many therapists and psychiatrists, and have been to the mental hospital many, many times...BUT NONE OF IT IS WORKING!

As for all the pain and struggling you've gone through with doctors and medications and life experiences, I am truly so sorry to hear about all of that I wish I could wave a magic wand and take it all away from you. No one deserves to be in pain and suffering and I wish I could do something for you.


With whatever you decide, I hope you find everything you are looking for and get whatever peace & serenity you seek.

 

[Whale_bones]

They might even think I'm trolling or being an asshole on purpose, trying to shock people as much as possible.

Noo. Why would they think that?

And then just for shock value I said that I raped children and tortured animals for fun.

 

[Diogenetic Ruse]

Man that's hard to hear

 

[We Are Angels]

Which ones were the easiest and hardest to get banned from?

I think reddit is the easiest to get banned from. You can make a joke, someone takes it literally and you're gone. Also, the people there are so toxic that it is easy to get angry and start cussing them out or insulting them, and boom, banned.

I would say Youtube is on the harder side unless you are posting copyrighted material.

 

[Unspoken7612]

While you seem to understand why your behaviour during episodes gets you banned, I also want to acknowledge that it really sucks for you and understanding the reasons probably doesn't make it easier. You deserve to have some sense of human connection and it sucks that your episodes are making that so much harder for you.

 

[lilah]

i know this is serious but i almost died laughing

 

[Mooseanonsky]

Bruh.

That's some self-sabotaging, manic shit. I have schizoaffective disorder - bipolar type, autism, bpd, and adhd. I push people away by saying fucked up shit so I can justify me deserving to suffer and die. You're on a goddamn "get everyone to hate me" speedrun. Maybe therapy and meds aren't helping because there's something else wrong with you. I'm not a psychiatrist so idk. But it kinda feels like you're doing this to motivate yourself into ctb.

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

i know this is serious but i almost died laughing

Honestly...as hard as it is to hear, I don't know if I can totally blame you. Since I've completely given up on everything and don't give a shit about anything in this world, be it other people or myself, I kind of do the type of things that "normal" people or even anyone in general (including really mentally ill people) wouldn't ever dream of doing (in a bad way obviously). Like the type of thing people would be like "no no fucking way he didn't really do that did he?" Or "holy shit, the kind of things he does I couldn't make up if I tried."

Like the type of things you have to see for yourself, you wouldn't believe if people just told you. And if I was a character in some book or TV show people would be complaining that "I'm too unrealistic to be representative of a real person." The type of things about me that if you shared online people would be like "wow that's so fucking fake no way that's a true fucking story, stop lying you fucking troll!"

I am extremely mentally ill with several mental illnesses, yes, but I think my mental state goes beyond just mental illnesses. There are probably darker, more sinister things at play, as well. Because even other extremely mentally ill people wouldn't go as far as I do with the things they do. Including the other people I saw at the mental hospital when I had to go there.

Bruh.

That's some self-sabotaging, manic shit. I have schizoaffective disorder - bipolar type, autism, bpd, and adhd. I push people away by saying fucked up shit so I can justify me deserving to suffer and die. You're on a goddamn "get everyone to hate me" speedrun. Maybe therapy and meds aren't helping because there's something else wrong with you. I'm not a psychiatrist so idk. But it kinda feels like you're doing this to motivate yourself into ctb.

Yeah...everything you said is 100% correct, basically. Maybe I'm secretly hoping that one day one if these people I'm pissing off (both online and in real life by the way) will be pushed beyond their limits with anger because of the things I'm saying to them, and they'll end up killing me. Since I'm just one person all it takes is one really pissed off person to kill me.

I have had my ass beat and landed in the hospital several times, though unfortunately I was never killed. I was just in a lot of pain with stuff like black eyes, broken bones, injured teeth/bloody teeth/missing teeth, broken nose, swollen lips, etc. I have an extremely low pain tolerance but I thought perhaps it was worth it if I at least got to die like I wanted. One of the easiest things to say to piss people off is say a bunch of racial, sexist, or homophobic slurs (assuming the person fits into a category), or just say I'm a child molestor or animal abuser or whatever. Basically just the most sensitive topics that piss people off the most and envoke a strong visceral angry reaction.

Unfortunately though, no one wants life in prison or the death penalty, so it's unlikely they'll kill me. If someone online calls the SWAT team to my house or I try to attack a police officer there's a greater chance of death, though it's not that simple. Police aren't allowed to just kill people willy nilly like that. At most they'd just use minimal force to stop me from hurting anyone but they can't just kill whoever they want.

Even if I was in a dangerous prison with lots of lifers they probably wouldn't want even more consequences for their actions.

But yeah. What you said about therapy and meds not helping me because there's something else wrong with me, I'm inclined to agree. This seems to be beyond just mental illness. There seems to be something darker and more sinister at play. Lots of people have several debilitating mental illnesses at once and they don't do the shit that I do.