AVPD perspectives

[matt1968]

I had a psychiatrist suggest I might have a type C personality disorder and when I looked, avoidant seemed the obvious one.

I've not really legislated my life for it. Just pushed myself and was pushed out there.

I was a shy and anxious kid but could play sports well so that helped and hindered.

Adult life brought an injury that stopped a lot of the sports. Shamed and depressed, I withdrew and avoided after not being able to cope at uni.

I have tried lots of different jobs and hobbies but it ends up in me withdrawing.

Alcohol got me through close to my 40s then I stopped that as I thought it wasn't helping.

I've got to 55 and around 18 months ago the roof started falling in on my life again.

I've been withdrawn again but this time feels terminal and here I am.

From a 'normal' perspective, I've made a real stuff of things - materially good background and a roof over my head, intelligent and good at sports and have blown it. People refer to this who knew me at school including my parents.

From an AVPD perspective, I was brought up in an environment made tense by my dad's outbursts, emotionally immature parents, no support after emotional outbursts, family bereavements, not wanting to go to ni, failing uni, having these periods of depression and withdrawal.

I don't know whether I'm just feeling sorry for myself, should have done better or have done well to get to this age, albeit really damaged.

Happy for any type of response.

 

[spectraltease]

I think you're missing something that holds you together. Maybe you are interested in something else or there are other sports. Alcohol will never be a way and I advise you never to do it again because your situation will only get worse. I think you can really be proud of not drinking alcohol anymore. Do what you enjoy, ask yourself what you enjoy. Maybe cars, art, nature, etc. its okay to withdraw, just keep doing things.

 

[matt1968]

I think you're missing something that holds you together. Maybe you are interested in something else or there are other sports. Alcohol will never be a way and I advise you never to do it again because your situation will only get worse. I think you can really be proud of not drinking alcohol anymore. Do what you enjoy, ask yourself what you enjoy. Maybe cars, art, nature, etc. its okay to withdraw, just keep doing things.

Thank you.

I wish this were not the case but I am struggling to feel enjoyment. I do / have done outdoor swimming, get out to the countryside, watch sports, cinema. I was part of a Buddhist community.

But I am struggling tbh to keep doing things - energy and anehdonia - and thinking about ctb is one of the only things at the moment.

It sounds unrealistic but I almost need a friend to take a month or 6 weeks to be with me most of the time and get me back into life. I am really struggling to do it by myself with being alone and in the state I am.

It's kind of unrealistic - I mentioned it to a few people but I think it's an uncomfortable request and I get that.

Thanks once again for your reply - it will be food for thought.

 

[spectraltease]

Thank you.

I wish this were not the case but I am struggling to feel enjoyment. I do / have done outdoor swimming, get out to the countryside, watch sports, cinema. I was part of a Buddhist community.

But I am struggling tbh to keep doing things - energy and anehdonia - and thinking about ctb is one of the only things at the moment.

It sounds unrealistic but I almost need a friend to take a month or 6 weeks to be with me most of the time and get me back into life. I am really struggling to do it by myself with being alone and in the state I am.

It's kind of unrealistic - I mentioned it to a few people but I think it's an uncomfortable request and I get that.

Thanks once again for your reply - it will be food for thought.

For myself, it's also really hard to feel fun. I've always had the feeling in my life that I don't like anything. I think hobbies are an important thing even if you have the feeling. I know I can't die, that's why I always try to improve my life so that it's livable. Maybe you can talk to your friend and tell him that you sometimes depend on him. Without the person who helps me all the time, I would already be dead. Its okay to get help.

 

[matt1968]

For myself, it's also really hard to feel fun. I've always had the feeling in my life that I don't like anything. I think hobbies are an important thing even if you have the feeling. I know I can't die, that's why I always try to improve my life so that it's livable. Maybe you can talk to your friend and tell him that you sometimes depend on him. Without the person who helps me all the time, I would already be dead. Its okay to get help.

Yes, I would not be alive too! I do talk to him and I have reached out to others, in the first time for ages, for help and connection.

It's just in my heart I feel so entrenched that it's going to need a lot to get me out.

 

[spectraltease]

Yes, I would not be alive too! I do talk to him and I have reached out to others, in the first time for ages, for help and connection.

It's just in my heart I feel so entrenched that it's going to need a lot to get me out.

He will get enough to get you out. It will get better!