Venting Avoidant Traits

[Seered Doom]

Avoidance, the thing that both brings comfort in the seclusion of safety and the loneliness of forced isolation. I don't even know where to begin with this other than saying that holy fucking shit, it's getting so much harder to talk to people both irl and online. I already know my irl reasons because I'm in a hellscape of the United States conservatism in a midwest state of nowhereville but along with that, being autistic really hindered me growing up so I got a cavalcade of other mental disorders on top of my already existing ones as well. Great, fantastic! So what else do I add? Oh yeah, lets mix in childhood trauma including emotional, psychological, and sexual abuse because just having a chaotic household when I was younger wasn't enough trauma to sit with, let's also toss in a confusing ass divorce my parents went through that I blamed myself for which Autism Speaks helped NONE with given the rhetoric it was spreading around the TV and radio at the time as well as deaths, more pressure to be perfect in school when it wasn't feasible for me to do so thanks to dickhead teachers, more sexual abuse from peers. More emotional and psychological abuse. Then hospital stuff and being in an adolescent ward, a bucket load of trauma from there, parents saying that I should be grateful for have been there.

You get the point yet?? Humans were dicks to me, doing all of that shit, but you know what did NONE OF THIS? Animals and robots. Fantasy books, video games, tv shows, comics. All the media gets the blame for it and so does being on technology, but none of it is being taken responsible by the people who have hurt me. Oddly convenient for them. Purely disgusting for me.

 

[matt1968]

I'm pretty sure I'm avoidant too. Just been stuck at home a year now after sevral years of getting myself out there.

It just sucks.

Sending you my best wishes.