Autism

[MidnightDream]

Autism is so fucking hard.
Speaking for female autism, because.. I'm a female.
If anything, that makes it somewhat harder, because society doesn't understand how autism presents in females nor do they understand how deep the mask can go.
Going undiagnosed until adulthood, I've gotten incredibly good at masking, so good, that you wouldn't even think I had autism unless you truly paid attention. There's some signs that can't be hidden, mine being stimming and general hyperfixation I learnt today. Otherwise, I'm pretty good, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
It's a good thing, because I can generally function within society providing I schedule enough down time to do so. The panic attacks in the morning are a mere side effect.
It's a bad thing, because it's exhausting and pressuring and despite how good that mask stays up, there's no way of changing how your brain actually works underneath all that, and so it turns into nothing more than a fat game of 'let's pretend'.

Today, for example, I found out I failed an exam. Why, you might ask?
Because the marking criteria stated simply 'tell us xyz.' So I did, I put on the mask and I told them xyz. Turns out, I should have explained 93 additional details and gone off on a tangent about 140835 other semi related topics to actually pass the section. So I failed the section. And thus failed the exam. And it's such BS - My austistic brain took it as black and white, because that's how it was stated. How tf was I supposed to know to say all the extra stuff they wanted when it literally wasn't asked? Are neuros really able to think outside of the question like that?
So, it really doesn't matter how good I get at masking, I'm always going to be different. I'm always going to fail. Because I'm NOT neurotypical, and I never will be. And the world isn't built for people like me. And it fucking sucks.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it's really true that autistic people are not meant for this world, at least it's that way for me, I believe it's a reason as to why I've always hated existing so much and never wanted to be here. It really doesn't surprise me that so many people with autism want to ctb.

 

[MidnightDream]

I think that it's really true that autistic people are not meant for this world, at least it's that way for me, I believe it's a reason as to why I've always hated existing so much and never wanted to be here. It really doesn't surprise me that so many people with autism want to ctb.

Thank you so much for the support <3 It's appreciated a lot. It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way

 

[Archness]

I'm autistic too, and I hate masking. In school I was actually well liked and known... or rather the mask was. It's only a mask, no depth or nuance. I didn't really think about questions but what the other person wanted to hear. In the end I had no real friends, because it was all mask (couldn't even do that well tbh).

It's been a while, and even right before graduation, I couldn't be bothered to keep the act up. I just can't do it anymore, I don't give a shit even. I'm truly worthless, outright incapable of forming bonds, or socializing normally, and should kms.

 

[CandyCane]

I think that it's really true that autistic people are not meant for this world, at least it's that way for me, I believe it's a reason as to why I've always hated existing so much and never wanted to be here. It really doesn't surprise me that so many people with autism want to ctb.

I think autism is the future

 

[CTB Dream]

Vry sry autisti neuro diverge know how understandn socuety no want,,Many type divrgee illne thss life cruel. Know how autisti diverge neuro etc depress anhedon all differ other socuety, me befr injury damage alien galaxy now add injury damage alien out universe space time

 

[MentalStefan]

I'm a male self-diagnosed autistic. Currently I'm trying my best to receive a professional diagnosis but it's very hard to do in my provincial town. (Obviously I will be speaking for male autism...).
Having autism is a nightmare. Not being able to understand social cues, making weird body movements, being oversensitive make life much harder. I'm bad at masking - I never do this as well as I expect. I always know in my gut that I'm perceived as a weirdo no matter how hard I try. I can hide stimming only partially. Social events cause a lot of stress for me. Make me feel very angry with myself and people who pick on me just because I'm acting a bit differently. It's hard to relieve that anger afterwards. Or maybe it's sadness I feel? It's often hard to distinguish these two emotions. Maybe mix of these 2 emotions? I don't know. It's a very exhausting feeling. I've been depressed for most of my life. I tried to CTB a few times but as you might notice I'm unfortunately still alive. I vacillate between life and death. Once I was very determined to do this and I took drugs because 'I will die anyway so why bother?'. I underestimated the power of addiction which unexpectdly turned into a 'reason to live'. I didn't consider that drugs can f**k up my brain so badly.

 

[spinningship]

Yeah autism fucking sucks. Not even being able to go for a walk in public without getting stared at like I'm some freak at a circus. People say that autism is invisible disability but I think there's something wrong with my eyes or the way they appear to others because it seems that people can clock it instantly.

One of the worst parts for me is executive functioning where I have a hard time planning out tasks and executing them so I'll end up spending 5 hours doing nothing but staring at a wall before I can get say a 10 minute shop done.

I try to keep to myself and make friends with other neurodivergent people as they are the only people I can feel close to.

 

[Anonymus]

I don't mind having ASD, what hurts me is the incomprehension of others. ASD is not the reason I have to do the CTB, the reason is that the majority forces me to live a life to which I cannot adapt.
If all the ASDs on the forum got together and founded a city from scratch that took into account our peculiarities, wouldn't we be happier?...(or something similar to what happiness must be for a neurotypical).

//

A mi no m'importa tenir TEA, el que em fa mal és la incompressió dels altres. El TEA no és el motiu que tinc per fer el CTB, el motiu és que la majoría m'obligui a viure una vida a la qual no em puc adaptar.
Si ens ajuntessim tots els TEA del fòrum i fundessim una ciutat de zero que tingués en compte les nostres peculiaritats, no seriem més feliços?...(o una cosa semblant al que deu ser la felicitat per a un neurotípic).

 

[Dark Moon]

I'm also an autistic, I can't fit into the society I have bad social skills can't maintain eye contact its terrible, I don't know much about masking. Also the unemployment rate for autistics is around 80% and die earlier deaths. I myself don't belong in this neurotypical world and want to leave into the sunset.

 

[Misfit72]

This is from the grandfather of Callie Lewis, known to people here as @Zanexx -