Attention Seeking?

[SnarkyPuppy2002]

How exactly do I know if my desire to CTB is based off of attention-seeking behaviors? Is that even a thing? Often times when I consider CTB or even getting help I feel like I'm just trying to get people to notice/care/feel bad for me. I've even been outright told by people like my own mother that my mental & physical health issues are fictitious and I'm trying to test if the people around me actually love me. If this is the case, is my behavior not outright ruining the few relationships I have? Wont the people I care about inevitably get sick of me for continuing to feel the way I do?

 

[90starve]

i feel like an attention seeker in the eyes of everyone around me, although attention isn't what i'm looking for - i have definitely also been told that i'm "making it all up", which is very hard to hear and come to terms with - but the reality is that we haven't chosen to have these mental/ physical issues, and rarely have control over them.

the reactions i get from people on the outside are often hostile because people just don't ever seem to understand - which has brought me to the mindset that they don't need, nor want to know. it's no longer helpful for me to reach out to my peers, which is what pushed me to this site. here, i am able to express my thoughts and fears without being brushed off as just an attention seeker.

while my issues continue to, and have destroyed every relationship and friendship i've ever had, it's not my fault or choice - just as it is not your fault or choice either <3

of course everybody has different levels of severity with these sorts of things - so perhaps you can't relate to what i've just said! but i hope i can help <3

 

[CarambaAlbum]

How exactly do I know if my desire to CTB is based off of attention-seeking behaviors? Is that even a thing? Often times when I consider CTB or even getting help I feel like I'm just trying to get people to notice/care/feel bad for me. I've even been outright told by people like my own mother that my mental & physical health issues are fictitious and I'm trying to test if the people around me actually love me. If this is the case, is my behavior not outright ruining the few relationships I have? Wont the people I care about inevitably get sick of me for continuing to feel the way I do?

Ah yes, that nasty, piercing phrase. "Attention seeker".

My definition of an attention seeker, when it comes to what we are all dealing with, is someone who uses their suicidal feelings or intentions to manipulate and deliberately cause the mental suffering of those around them for superficial attention that they feel they don't receive enough of.

Now I don't think a lot of people on this forum are guilty of that but even if they are, is it not a problem in the first place that they have to resort to extreme provocation in order to get a shred of understanding about their situation? How many times have people said "I never knew they were suffering for so long"?

It definitely boils my blood, it's such a horrid way of dismissing a suicidal person's feelings. Regardless of how intensely they're feeling about it or how serious their plans are, there's a problem there.

 

[angel31]

I believe it might be the other way around. That you arent thinking about cbt because you seek attention, but that you seek attention because you arent feeling well and it is kind of a cry for help. But I have the same concerns I have to admit.
Does that make sense?

 

[Coin]

I doubt there's any way to be 100% sure if it's "attention-seeking" or "legitimate" (for lack of a better term). I often wonder the same thing and believe that even if it's attention-seeking, is this not a mental issue in itself? In any case, it really is troublesome when there are constant battles of truth or fiction within one's own mind.

 

[soft-flower345]

I doubt you're being "attention seeking" if you've gone so far as so seriously consider ctb. I think most of us who are dealing with really dark and serious issues internally only ever begin to wonder if we're attention seeking because we've been painfully invalidated(your mom telling you your mental and physical problems are fictitious is a good example of invalidation and neglect, and I'm sorry you had to go through such a painful experience) or shamed for feeling the way we do by people we care about or depended on for care.

 

[delusionalgirl]

I hate that phrase however I do know people that say that all the time. They aren't. They just are always after attention and have said that. Then you have those that when they say they want to die in a full break down because they need help. Honestly for them the others listen or they don't. And things changes or don't. Then you have the rest of us, that don't ever tell. We say the right words to appease everyone. Some celebs I was shocked when they did. Even people I've known. And forgive me but your mom sucks. Mental illness is real.

 

[luisamanequim]

I believe it might be the other way around. That you arent thinking about cbt because you seek attention, but that you seek attention because you arent feeling well and it is kind of a cry for help. But I have the same concerns I have to admit.
Does that make sense?

Yes! You don't want exactly to die but you want people to realise that you are in severe pain and you need help and trying to cbt may be the only way they will notice that and make you feel like you are important to them, but that only lasts for a little while after they get used to it and don't care as much (my experience).