Venting Attempting Soon

[squareminus1]

Hey,
Just wante to speak my opinions, it's currently 8am Monday morning my time and I am thinking of attempting as soon as Tuesday night, I certainly want to attempt by Friday. I have to function normally until tonight as I have work. I can't just go dark on work like I can with uni unfortunately.

Tommorrow I won't be attending uni, I'll be working on my method. It's full suspension hangingn, it's not ideal but I have to try something. The only way I could very discretely get rope is picking up a towing rope in my local hardware store, which I took back to my parents house in my backpack and I am keeping in a pillow case in my tshirt drawer. I am worling off cutting the hooks off the rope. I bought some strong tape and taped the rope end and I can use a knife to cut through it relatively quick, one hook is partially cut off, it was all I could manage in the short time i had while initially procuring supplies, but it's proof the knife can cut the rope. I am gonna fuse the ends together with a lighter after cutting to ensure it stays together but I'll also just leave the tape on. I havent tested it yet with my weight but it's for towing cars, it surely has to work, if it doesn't idk what to do.

I am gonna sneak out late tuesday night. In my bag i'm packing the pillow case, tape, a torch, a couple beers for the road, and potentially a knife just incase for some reason I need to cut the rope more, maybe a bar of soap for the ligature. My plan hinges on me being able to sneak out quitely, but I may be ok either way cause I am going to run pretty deep into the woods. I have prepicked a tree to attempt to hang myself from. It has taken my weoght just hanging off it with my arms so should work nice. I am gonna put the pillpw case over my head when I hang myself, I seem someone say it's good for minimising rope cutting.

I know this is a really shitty method but it's really the best option I seem to have access too. I toyed with partial hanging, but it would take me too long to perfect, I really want to be dead by November. I am hoping that regardless of the probably high amount of pain that is going to come with this when I inevitably fuck it up because it's full suspension hanging with basically no chance I get found within an hour at least ,probably more, I should die, it's gonna be brutal probably, I think I low key deserve pain for all I have done. Maybe I'll get lucky and pass out quickly. I'll potentially talk to you guys on the night I try, like I said might be Tuesday if not within the next two days.

I am neevous but ready to try. Let me know if I am missing any obviouse equipment or potential ways to make a more streamlines plan. Thanks for reading if you did.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Sorry this dreadful world has brought you to this point.
I wish you peace in whatever you decide.

 

[j1yuuDA]

You and I are in a very similar situation, in terms of uni and method. What knot are you using for the full suspension? I'm trying to decide between a slip knot or the hangman's noose. Interesting about the pillowcase as well, I think I'll do the same. If you're comfortable saying, what are these bad things that you have done to "deserve" this end? I'm following a similar path myself so I wonder if we have even more in common.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck with your plans, I hope that when the time feels right for you to leave you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[squareminus1]

You and I are in a very similar situation, in terms of uni and method. What knot are you using for the full suspension? I'm trying to decide between a slip knot or the hangman's noose. Interesting about the pillowcase as well, I think I'll do the same. If you're comfortable saying, what are these bad things that you have done to "deserve" this end? I'm following a similar path myself so I wonder if we have even more in common.

Hey,
I got the hooks cut off the rope and I am experimenting. I think a slip knot is the proper knot to use but if your long dropping a hangmans knot might work, i might need to the rope I have seems to be a bit tempromental with the slipknot, i think the hangmans knot looks a little tighter. But I encourage you to look into it yourself, the reccommendation is deffinetly a slipknot.

As for your other question I think I need to die and potentially deserge pain for a couple of reasons. I had a school mate who died at the end of 2021 from cancer, he didn't even make 21 years old he'd been fighting the cancer for 2 going on 3 years. We were best mates all through school but as soon after school we drifted a little because I moved away but stayed in touch. As soon as I heard about his cancer though I let me stupid depression get in the way of me being there for him. I figured whod want to be around me when they are dying, whod want me to be bothering them if they should be enjoying thier life to the fullest extent. I know its silly but those feelings meant I only really seen him like 4 times in the whole time he was ill, I have never really forgiven myself for not being there for him enough. I genuinely think it should have been me, shoes on the other foot hed have been there for me in my last few year, he wouldnt have let his mental state get in the way. I feel like I need to take my life as a consquence of not being there for him.

Another reason is that I have been told before I am a problem.to other people. Both in terms of regular life, I have been sober about month now trying to make sure my suicide wasn't an impulse decision but when I drank I constantly acted stupidly out with my mates. Either putting myself in damger and causing them grief, or breaking up others friendships by talking about people and spreading rumors behing thier back. I have been described as an unloyal friend and problem. I also have been told by my mother that she has previously been suicidal due to my actions, she told me shes thought about killing herself because of how I feel and she doesn't understand why it's happened. Shes told me me before I am going to end up giving her a heart attack. My girlfriends also put loads of ultimatums on the relationship like telling me I cant keep having these depressive episodes cause she cant take it, or that if her friends ever found out what I was really like it's be game over for us because they would make her leave me. She told me if I start drinking again she's not letting me stay with her.

there is a couple other things but thats the just. Being told your a problem and that your going to cause people to die really makes you think you deserve any pain that comes your way.

Also i think i am going to try bite down on a cloth or something too. It might help woth the initial drop as i will have something soft there so hopefully my teeth dont clatter together and it could ptoentially mean i am less likely to break my jaw.

Hope this helped you!