Hello all, this is my first post. I thought I'd start with my story of how I regrettably failed in my attempt to cut my radial artery. For context I am a 37YO M, ex-police with PTSD, MDD and GAD. I tried this without any prior planning. So if you're here, you've already planned more than I did.
1/ I set a warm bath and took some drinks I like with me. I lit some candles to put me at ease.
2/ Though I was not drunk having had 2 drinks, I still felt committed. I took a fresh razor blade out of the wax paper.
3/ I started with some experimental cuts on my thighs and forearms. No significant bleeding but I felt alive for the first time in a long time.
4/ I decided I needed to make a serious cut. I set my mind to it. I remember thinking that once I do it, I'll just have to commit for 1-2 minutes and then I'll pass out and it will be over (arterial bleed).
5/ I placed the blade over the outside of my wrist and pressed hard, then cut inwards. I saw my insides but no arterial bleed.
6/ I paused to take stock of the situation. Having been a cop I knew I'd missed my radial artery. But the bleeding was significant.
7/ I laid back in the bath, that feeling of "I've done it now" sunk in.
8/ Then I changed my mind. I called for help and thus I live to tell the tale.
The end result was a 3/4 severed tendon and plastic surgery to try to restore feeling to my hand. It was successful. I remember the doctors looking at me with pity. I am very fortunate, in that I can still feel most of my right hand. I have very limited permanent nerve damage.
I determined to get a positive tattoo to cover the scars. If anyone asks I will post a picture. It is a phoenix, the words are in latin, from a poet by Ovid and they mean 'Someday this pain will be useful to you'. I still wait for that day.
1/ I set a warm bath and took some drinks I like with me. I lit some candles to put me at ease.
2/ Though I was not drunk having had 2 drinks, I still felt committed. I took a fresh razor blade out of the wax paper.
3/ I started with some experimental cuts on my thighs and forearms. No significant bleeding but I felt alive for the first time in a long time.
4/ I decided I needed to make a serious cut. I set my mind to it. I remember thinking that once I do it, I'll just have to commit for 1-2 minutes and then I'll pass out and it will be over (arterial bleed).
5/ I placed the blade over the outside of my wrist and pressed hard, then cut inwards. I saw my insides but no arterial bleed.
6/ I paused to take stock of the situation. Having been a cop I knew I'd missed my radial artery. But the bleeding was significant.
7/ I laid back in the bath, that feeling of "I've done it now" sunk in.
8/ Then I changed my mind. I called for help and thus I live to tell the tale.
The end result was a 3/4 severed tendon and plastic surgery to try to restore feeling to my hand. It was successful. I remember the doctors looking at me with pity. I am very fortunate, in that I can still feel most of my right hand. I have very limited permanent nerve damage.
I determined to get a positive tattoo to cover the scars. If anyone asks I will post a picture. It is a phoenix, the words are in latin, from a poet by Ovid and they mean 'Someday this pain will be useful to you'. I still wait for that day.
