At what age did you have your first real suicidal thoughts?

[PeacefulTonic]

Suicidal thoughts? Only during dark times of depression, probably around over a decade ago. But I've lived a happy life between now and then, and for most of my life in general. I only started to have ideations a few months ago after I fucked my life up

 

[irememberinnocence]

Since age 12, am now almost 30. Have had a few impulsive attempts over the years triggered by varying things, but my wish to die came and went. Only in the past month or so have I actually planned my suicide. That's because physically things are all downhill for me from now on and I'm not going to put myself through that.

 

[UnemployedMD]

Probably about 19. It was right at the time where I probably crossed the threshold of depression and my life circumstance started to override my coping abilities. At that point they were never serious thoughts, and I remember feeling really guilty about them afterwards. They became more frequent over the following years but finally crossed the line into active ones within the past 3 years. Even at that point they came in waves depending on what I was dealing with at the time, but for the past 7 months they have been continuous and are basically all I think about when I wake up and go to sleep. The worst part about it is that this time they aren't going away and there is no way I can see things anymore that don't lead me to believe that this is the only way out.

 

[reachingtheend]

I had some intentions to ctb for the first time in my life when I was probably 10 or 11. Tried to suffocate myself with a pillow while crying in my bed. But I've real thoughts since I turned 17, I guess. Now I'm 23, finally catching my last bus soon.

 

[miserableforever]

11, when I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

 

[Ankou]

I first tried to cbt by eating a screw when I was 6. Probably not a proper attempt but I was too dumb to think of another way

 

[Josuyo]

11

 

[Lotus1818]

i want to say when i was 15 years old. it was probably because i didnt have a lot of friends back then. now im 28 and my suicidal thoughts have only become worst.

 

[blueclover_.]

11 years old or 7th grade. It was my first day of middle school (Asia) and i had no friends. I got social anxiety for a little while. Many of the kids didn't like me already because i got the highest score in 6th grade's exam in the whole town. The school i went to was very academically competitive, so the students didn't get jealous over the popular kids, they were obsessed with exam scores. But i've never been ambitious since i was a kid, i just loved learning and my IQ helps in the way. I got subtly bullied by a bunch of jealous nerds.

 

[medicinenightmares]

I was very young, probably like 8 or 9. I grew up with a neglectful and mentally ill mom.

 

[Banshee]

I remember when I was 8, I had to share a bedroom with my brother. I had a dinosaur tie and I thought about tying it around my bed frame and then putting it around my neck so that I'd die in my sleep. My way of thinking was that when my parents would find me dead, they'd think my brother did it when I was sleeping and that way they wouldn't think I killed myself.

Also, when I was 10 I made a pact with my dog (lol) that when he died I'd kill myself.