At my limits

[TheHatedOne]

I've been told yesterday that I'm at my limits mentally, I think that I've long gone that phase and that I'm beyond my limits but now I'm at the end of the ends if you get what I mean. It's all unbearable. On one side is the bullying I faced here, apparently it's still me and my friend who are the insane ones, not the other way around. On the other side is university and the whole situation with the horrifying teacher coming back and having classes tomorrow with her. I dont know what to do, I'm dizzy from all these situations. I'm alone and scared. I'm scared to quit university and reapply next summer (at least my mother started to agree that I should quit), but I'm also scared to remain and go through that. I'm in general scared to go on with living, everywhere I go, no matter what I do, I'm hurt and have to suffer.

Today I was in such a sinister state that I can't even describe. I didn't go to classes, I slept a big part of the day away. Now I find myself shaking again and having a strange feel in my stomach. I can't go on like this. I simply can't. I've been thinking a lot about the rope since yesterday. I can't go on.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, after all we are all human and there is only so much we can take. Life really is horrible and there is no limit as to how bad things can get. I am scared of life as well, knowing that things could get worse is such a dreadful feeling. I wish you the best, whatever happens.

 

[Hans Voralberg]

Do you want to talk with me about how you feel? Teachers can be very emotionally draining and toxic I know this pain very well. Bulling is the worst of all I was bullied nearly all my life til high school and I was very scared of people in general after all of this. I'm here for you if you want to talk. You are not alone.
In my country you can move to another exercise group at university with another teacher. I don't know if your educational system have this mechanism. May I ask why this teacher is horrifying?

 

[TheHatedOne]

Do you want to talk with me about how you feel? Teachers can be very emotionally draining and toxic I know this pain very well. Bulling is the worst of all I was bullied nearly all my life til high school and I was very scared of people in general after all of this. I'm here for you if you want to talk. You are not alone.
In my country you can move to another exercise group at university with another teacher. I don't know if your educational system have this mechanism. May I ask why this teacher is horrifying?

Copy pasteing what I wrote in another post cause it's a long story. I have no idea why she does the things she does, but it seems nothing can stop her:

The department of the minor language I'm studying used to be run by a horrible, horrible teacher. She used to scream at students in class, used to insult them, threatened them and overall be plain abusive and harsh with them. Some students ended up in hospital because of her. The stories I heard last year were horribly awful. I don't know, since when higher education ended up a shit experiment to see how much you can fuck up innocent people who just want to learn more and have a chance at getting a job that isn't bullshit? This whole country is a fucking jungle, a boxing ring.

Things were hopeful at first when the university managed to dismiss her and a process between the university and that teacher started. The case also made the news, that's how it was even posssible in the first place to dismiss her, that's how you manage to do something in this country, by trying to get something appear in the news cause otherwise no one gives a fuck and no one would help.

But, all this hope broke down instantly because the teacher... won the process. Yes, someone who plain abused and destroyed others lives won the fucking process. Wouldn't be shocked, or even surprised, actually that's probably how it happened, to hear that she probably bribed the judges. Bribery is the norm here, it's how assholes manage to get ahead and enjoy the good stuff. They get ahead while everyone else is stupidly working hard to survive for another day.

It doesn't even stop here. You know what else happened? She is officially back and will start teaching again next week. I'm speaking seriously. A teacher who abused students and destroyed their lives, a teacher who operates on terror and abuse of power, can now freely teach again. As if nothing happened. As if we didn't do our best to take measures, as if we never managed to make this case appear on the news, as if nothing, nothing ever happened. Worst part is that I'll have classes with her. No, I'm not tolerating any of this. I was already screwed up regarding my minor language, this is only a confirmation. I don't see any other option than giving up. Giving up because of that horrible teacher and because of the stupid drama that spanned for over a year in the department, with teachers being changed like socks and not understanding anything anymore. When I saw that email where she proudly announced she's back I fucking heavily cried. Students are mere tools for bullying and amusement here.

The only solution here would be to quit then wait for the summer to apply again to something else. You can change your minor language here in the first year during a very short period of time. It's fucked up, but it doesn't surprise me anymore. To think 1 year and a half was wasted.

 

[Hans Voralberg]

You are right this is fucked up to the squere. If your parents support your decision I personally think it's a good idea to change enviroment abuse in university by a teacher and CTB tendences is a very risky mixture. What are you studing?Can you do some jobs during this gap in learning? Stable source of money is essential. Discuss this aspect with your parents.If I were you I would stay and fight against all odds but this is my nature I don't know yours. If teacher would stand between me and my dreams I would intellectually beat the living shit out of her and pass her subiect with B and A to just humiliate her.I did that once at my biology classes in High School.I understand that your condition probably is very complex and bonded with medication. You have to answer the question is this teacher, her behaviour can lead you to CTB, accelerate process? This is crucial to make decision in my opinion.

 

[TheHatedOne]

You are right this is fucked up to the squere. If your parents support your decision I personally think it's a good idea to change enviroment abuse in university by a teacher and CTB tendences is a very risky mixture. What are you studing?Can you do some jobs during this gap in learning? Stable source of money is essential. Discuss this aspect with your parents.If I were you I would stay and fight against all odds but this is my nature I don't know yours. If teacher would stand between me and my dreams I would intellectually beat the living shit out of her and pass her subiect with B and A to just humiliate her.I did that once at my biology classes in High School.I understand that your condition probably is very complex and bonded with medication. You have to answer the question is this teacher, her behaviour can lead you to CTB, accelerate process? This is crucial to make decision in my opinion.

I'll CTB anyway because it got too much to handle(not talking on;ly about uni). And about standing up and fighting, we, all students, did it once. It didn't work, even with that appearing on the news. We're just piss for them, nothing more. It's pointless to keep fighting.

 

[Hans Voralberg]

If I were you I would stay and fight but my psyche is probably much more immune to mental abuse than yours due to my father abusive behaviours in past.
So just quit and save yourself
Consult this with parents and find a better place. I think they are supportive type if your mom encourage you to quit. What are you want to do as a work in future?