four_walls_girl
En-BEDded in reality
- Nov 18, 2024
- 62
Somehow every time I'm almost about to have my scars/ cuts exposed to someone the universe always intervenes in some way.
It's sort of a rush actually, I've been taking more risks, walking from the shower to my room in a towel with my arms out while there's people in the house. Leaving my blades pretty much in plain sight and nobody being suspicious. Leaving bloody wipes in a trash bag and nobody even noticing or at least saying anything.
It's a little sad too I guess, I've had my arms on show while I was drunk or as an 'accidental' wardrobe malfunction with my sleeve rolling down and nobody has noticed or said anything they either. So they're either genuinely blind, or just do not care. That or my scars are too small and I need to go deeper.
One half of my brain wants someone to notice, but it has to be the right time. When I'm skinner and looking sickly then I'll be allowed to be cared for and looked after. But then the other half of my brain needs it to be kept secret until I ctb, because obviously it'd be a lot harder to do it when someone knows you're already harming yourself.
It feels hella stupid, but I'll let the universe decide on what'll happen until my expiration date next year.
It's sort of a rush actually, I've been taking more risks, walking from the shower to my room in a towel with my arms out while there's people in the house. Leaving my blades pretty much in plain sight and nobody being suspicious. Leaving bloody wipes in a trash bag and nobody even noticing or at least saying anything.
It's a little sad too I guess, I've had my arms on show while I was drunk or as an 'accidental' wardrobe malfunction with my sleeve rolling down and nobody has noticed or said anything they either. So they're either genuinely blind, or just do not care. That or my scars are too small and I need to go deeper.
One half of my brain wants someone to notice, but it has to be the right time. When I'm skinner and looking sickly then I'll be allowed to be cared for and looked after. But then the other half of my brain needs it to be kept secret until I ctb, because obviously it'd be a lot harder to do it when someone knows you're already harming yourself.
It feels hella stupid, but I'll let the universe decide on what'll happen until my expiration date next year.
