K
kaleisgreatinsalad
Member
- Mar 17, 2025
- 6
I have posted about PSSD before but not in the context of accompanied suicide. I have tried everything I can think of to try and fix this condition. I have tried Ketamine Therapy, CBT, EMDR, Trauma Therapy, and talking to friends and family. I have tried B vitamins, vegan diets, working out. I no longer have the ability to experience emotions, I cannot feel anything sexually. I view my family and my own mother as complete strangers. I look at them and no longer know who they are. They could die and I would be unable to cry or feel sadness. This condition is a sentence of a living death. I often feel some form of sadness I guess deep inside my mind that the old me is dead. Even if I had all the money in the world it wouldn't change the fact that I cannot enjoy anything. Nothing can fix this despair that I feel daily, my family is sick of me complaining but I think maybe if they knew the gravity of this condition they would feel more sorry for me. I gave up on trying to educate them on this condition because they do not care about my suffering. While they feel sorry for me they do not understand. I guess when the time comes and I tell them if they want to attend they will realize the extent of my suffering. I am posting this to vent my feelings. I want a death that doesn't leave me disabled or in a worse position. I think as a human being I can say when I have suffered enough. I have tried everything that I possibly can to try and get better that is reasonable. There are potential medications I could try but they could leave me off worse and most don't have proof they could help me. I cannot bear to suffer more through experimenting with medications that could cause me to crash. I experience a long list of side effects from the aftermath of stopping Cymbalta that persist to this day. While I will continue to live as long as I can I will have things set up so that I may have a peaceful death when I no longer want to suffer. I am posting this for my own peace of mind I guess and to at least tell someone how I am truly feeling inside without the risk of being institutionalized.