Asperges and Depression

[Retard]

Yeah, I've often tried to do that as well but I find it doesn't really work for me because human interaction seems far more dynamic than having pre-prepared things to say. I think the fact that I've isolated so much over the last few years has caused my already poor social skills to atrophy further. I'm definitely the same with ruminating over past mistakes in social situations. I sit around torturing myself with them all day.

Thanks for the info, I'm from the UK too, I'm currently seeing a therapist for CBT (which is pretty unhelpful) and was seeing a GP but stopped because I hate SSRI's and she kept trying to push them on me. I'll look up the AQ10 and see how I score on it.

I agree that interactions are highly dynamic, but I tend to view conversations as being like a game of chess in that the other person can make any number of "moves" in response to mine. So if I'm initiating a conversation for example, I'll try to 'predict their move' based on the conversation subject, or use call-back references to conversations we may have had in the past (if applicable, and if they're likely to remember them), or even try to relate it to what may have occurred that day in the workplace, or in the news, etc, to make it topical, and then compile a mental list of replies/jokes, etc, for whichever "move" they make in response. It can be extremely tedious to expend so much energy on something they're probably going to forget after a maximum of 30 seconds though, especially when you may have been planning it for hours :)
I have never tried CBT but a psychiatrist supposedly put me on a waiting list for it around 3 years ago. Either there is a very long queue or something may have gone wrong there. Have tried a number of SSRIs in the past but like yourself I'm not a fan of them; never found any positive changes in mood, and the side effects are unpleasant.
All the best with the assessment, just let me know if you have any questions

I'd literally sell my soul to the devil to be a NT. I hate my Aspergers, and I especially hate when NTs try and tell me it's a gift or they try and sugar coat things. I might be autistic but im not dumb.
In regards to your narrow interest topics I can kind of relate but not fully. I definitely don't have obsessions or special interests per say, but I do have a shit ton of video game knowledge and I can get quite excited when talking about them

Can completely relate. No matter how hard people try to paint it as something to treasure, it seems fundamentally incompatible with society (i.e. workplaces, social events, etc) and with the vast, vast majority of people. Some may tolerate you out of politeness, but I'd rather they didn't as it makes it harder to know when you're doing something "right" or "wrong" in a social setting, and can inadvertently instil unhelpful behaviours.
The laser-like focus on hobbies can indeed be useful though (if you have hobbies, and if so, if you're feeling well enough to pursue them), so it's good to try and focus on the advantages wherever possible :)

I'm fortunate to be one of the more high functioning people with an autism spectrum diagnosis. Dale Carnegie's book helped me somewhat with social skills, but I feel a bit like a theater performer. I don't know if I'm living a lie or if my social skills have genuinely improved. It feels like a question for the philosophers. I'm still largely a loner, mostly by preference.

That's an excellent recommendation. I have read a number of Dale Carnegie's books, along with How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes, and many others which I can't recall just at the moment. I totally agree that it may feel like you're performing a well-rehearsed act, but regardless, at least social interactions can be made more palatable for both parties (some of the time at least).

 

[DiiDii]

You're in good company. The stats suggest about 16% of active members on this forum may have autism.

For me personally it was more ADHD symptoms than autism symptoms that made me want to die. I have a mountain of unfinished projects, and I've had similar troubles while I was at work. My ADHD symptoms are somewhat treatment resistant.

I'm fortunate to be one of the more high functioning people with an autism spectrum diagnosis. Dale Carnegie's book helped me somewhat with social skills, but I feel a bit like a theater performer. I don't know if I'm living a lie or if my social skills have genuinely improved. It feels like a question for the philosophers. I'm still largely a loner, mostly by preference.

My special interests have varied as well. Most recently I became obsessed with researching and strategizing, particularly for suicide methods. With the help of a recovery partner I met by accident, I'm trying to turn my research obsession into an income. A bit like Temple Grandin.

Will I succeed or will I add another failed project to the pile? I don't know.

Thanks for your story. I'd say my my aspergers definitely is one of the main reasons I want to die, especially because of the social isolation it brings me. I'm also very high functioning and most people don't think i'm aspergers, instead they think i'm either extremely weird or that I have ADHD. A lot of people also say that i'm a very camp or posh person (I'm from North Yorkshire from a upper W/C back ground and pretty much everyone including non-Yorkshire people say this) despite being bisexual and having only ever had one homosexual encounter. I think because of the way I speak (with an extensive vocabulary and advanced speech codes) and my overdone body language (this is where most people draw the 'camp' connection from I think alongside my voice and choice of wording). I can also relate to this feeling of acting because I am very different with people and often cater and adapt my myself to fit around specific people, and the fact that nobody has ever seen my true personality bar maybe my parents in my youth although i'd say i've changed a lot since then.
Out of interest how do you plan to make an income off of suicidal strategies? I understand if you don't want to publicise this to prevent people stealing your ideas and the like- i'm just curious