Venting ashamed of myself.

[chxrryluna]

truthfully, i don't know how formatting is on here or if anyone cares. i do not. i hope you don't either.
i hate that i am allowing myself to sell my body just to stay afloat in this disgusting late stage capitalist society. i feel horrible. i don't want to be an object. but credit cards don't care where i get the money from as long as i have it. food does not care. rent doesn't, neither do the utilities. i don't know what else i am supposed to do. i am 19 but i feel the stress of being 40, and that is just trying to be alive. it does not even consider the trauma of before, which i do not have the money to resolve in therapy either. i think what is best for me to do is to just sell until i have no more monetary ties, and then i think i will set myself free. this world failed me in unspeakable ways, and just when i thought i was going to be okay, the worst of issues befall me. i weigh the least i have in the past 4 years, in a new city with no one familiar to keep me company (and i am too anxious to meet people, another ailment of the world? or me? ugh) and the worst is everything i love doing being so mundane, dry, and even irritating to do. it feels like i keep hitting a different section of rock bottom, even when i think things are going good.
i am just tired... i am tired of stressing and i am tired of being alive. the cons severely outweigh the pros at this point, when even my body has become something for the market.

 

[William01]

i know. :(

Don't take to that to heart please!! This world is screwed up, badly screwed. Life hasn't been good to me either and I wish I was away nit having to worry or keeping fighting to survive.

For people the feeling if self shame can take many forms! Don't for a second think you are worse than anyone else!!!!!

 

[front of me]

i know. :(

I'm really sorry if my response was offensive but someone tried raped me 2 months before, and part of my soul was gone from that day

 

[William01]

I'm really sorry if my response was offensive but someone tried raped me 2 months before, and part of my soul was gone from that day

I have had a similar experience. Unfortunately mines wasn't stopped I know all about the pain of feeling dirty, violated taken advantage of etc.. recently found out there's no hope of justice. I don't know if I can live with it

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm sorry life has been really shitty to you, it's a shame society's has brought people to this point, I hope you can find some other to make money if possible. I'm so sorry

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm really sorry if my response was offensive but someone tried raped me 2 months before, and part of my soul was gone from that day

I'm sorry that happened I apologize for my soul and heart comment

 

[Zegers]

Today we are all commodities, we are all part of the market whether we want or not, we have a value assigned by default depending on circumstances. Social relations have also been capitalised.

Best wishes whatever you decide.