Doesnt look like there's a vent option here. But here goes. (Sorry, not sorry, sorry)
I could have always been more reliable/committed. I could have started earlier, I could have pushed more, I could have pulled my finger out earlier and been less rude/of a dickhead. I know this so how can I meaningfully complain or ask for help if I only ever put in a half arsed effort. But also know that the times I feel like I am actually 'trying' to a vaguely acceptable level, other people say I'm super committed/keen/great - almost too much so (even rewarded for going 'above and beyond'). No middle ground. Can't ask for advice or guidance if I can't honestly say I have tried everything else properly beforehand. Can't bullshit it. Would just get told to try more. No excuses, it just needs to happen.
Urgh.
I could have always been more reliable/committed. I could have started earlier, I could have pushed more, I could have pulled my finger out earlier and been less rude/of a dickhead. I know this so how can I meaningfully complain or ask for help if I only ever put in a half arsed effort. But also know that the times I feel like I am actually 'trying' to a vaguely acceptable level, other people say I'm super committed/keen/great - almost too much so (even rewarded for going 'above and beyond'). No middle ground. Can't ask for advice or guidance if I can't honestly say I have tried everything else properly beforehand. Can't bullshit it. Would just get told to try more. No excuses, it just needs to happen.
Urgh.
