It's like I've been guilted to stay alive for years and it enrages me.
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Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I personally believe when you are ready, the hate of your family is inconsequential. It doesn't mean you don't love them. The pain is greater.
Yes yes yes yes yes x1000
TBH I want them to find me dead and feel bad about it more than I actually want to CTB in itself.
Decades of having to put other people's needs and feelings before my own. Then when you have the temerity to say how you really feel, *THEY* get offended. "Think how your death with affect *us*" they say, anmd "don't be so *selfish*". Its infuriating. I feel so bitter and resentful, but I could never actually say it.
TBH I want them to find me dead and feel bad about it more than I actually want to CTB in itself.
Decades of having to put other people's needs and feelings before my own. Then when you have the temerity to say how you really feel, *THEY* get offended. "Think how your death with affect *us*" they say, anmd "don't be so *selfish*". Its infuriating. I feel so bitter and resentful, but I could never actually say it.
Totally,
You just did actually say it. And thanks for doing it for many who wish to say it too.
I have got to the point where I can be angry with my family for wanting me to prolong my suffering. If they love me, they will need to respect my decision and want me not to continue suffering.
I am making it clear to them that they need to say goodbye to me, as I might not endure this suffering for much longer.
I am making it clear to them that they need to say goodbye to me, as I might not endure this suffering for much longer.
I get it. Mine are narcissists and don't care about me now...but they will soak up the attention and condolences from well meaning but clueless people, and also hate me for the guilt they will feel because they know they are shitty people and shitty people hate having that pointed out or brought into their thinking more than anything in the world. Their ego is all that matters. If I cannot get someone to help me before Christmas I think I am going to TRY to go then...not intentionally to ruin it for anyone but more because I don't want to suffer another holiday, but it will be a bonus that they will have to be reminded of it every year whilst faking being good people in their shallow social interactions and fake lives.
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RealLostSoul
once rock bottom, always rock bottom
- Oct 11, 2019
- 211
gotta send that quote to one of my fellas that keeps saying you have to eat shit just so u don't hurt others.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Stan ripped my heart out when he CTB. His pain was greater than mine to do so. I cannot even think about how great that pain was.
RealLostSoul
once rock bottom, always rock bottom
- Oct 11, 2019
- 211
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
A newbie. ;). Read his goodbye post. It is the one with Frank Sinatra in the title.
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