Discussion Are you worried/convinced you don't have a personality?

[chernobylmosqut]

Do you ever feel like a fake, shallow person? Do you struggle to describe your personality? Do you worry you might not really have one? I know I do.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Yep ... it comes with bpd and scizoaffective disorder

 

[Dr.Duck]

Yeah…I don't know who I am outside of a mess…so I put a smile on and try to engage with friends.

 

[SunriseParabellum]

I feel like I've got one somewhere but honestly I adjust it so much depending on who I'm interacting with (especially at work since I deal with radically different people frequently) that when I don't have to blend in I feel like a chameleon that's forgotten what color it actually is

 

[kuroshimi]

Maybe?

I always was pessimistic, but I don't think it's fundamental part of my personality. After got diagnosed I'm basically lost.

 

[PI3.14]

This is an interesting question.

I think I'll say probably.

I didn't have time in my life to build a healthy and well adjusted personality, I was always in a state or fight or flight since I was a kid, I was always anxious and in fear, I was abused and neglected and sexually assaulted.

I basically didn't have time to build my character I guess.

I also highly suspect me being autistic, which might help explain a lot of my behavior in childhood, and also adulthood.

 

[Rust]

Yep. I have a very weak sense of self and no autonomy over my own actions. I'm not much of an active participant in life.

 

[the_seer]

yah... i feel like i dont know myself

 

[Nangijala]

Someone who deleted their account before I could reach out to them wrote this about those feeligns and I could relate really strongly, take note that they are not my own words:

You know when someone asks you what would a friend say about you, or what do you think are your five most defining traits? Yeah, I have no clue. It's not humility, I just really can't answer it because when I look inside myself I see absolutely nothing.

Another common thing is experiencing very little when not around others. When left alone I rarely have any desires, wants, etc, beyond sensations of hunger and other such things. The moment I speak to anyone I'll adopt opinions based on what they're talking about, and my emotions will come surging back.

The stillness and hollowness are probably the most profound things, though. There's just nothing there. It hurts because I know there should be something there, but there's just not. No desires, no wants, no purpose, no defined anything where a person should be. Other people sorta fill in those gaping holes with their presence, but it lasts only for as long as they are near.

What do you want from life? I don't know. How can we help you? I don't know. What are your plans for the day? I don't know.
Things unfold and I react, but there's no rhyme or reason to any of it. I just exist.

Seemingly strongly held beliefs and opinions can and will change for no real reason too. How I view others, how I see the world, right and wrong - it's all just constantly fading in and out of reality.

I find it so hard to describe. I know it hurts, though. it hurts because the switch from feeling something, anything, to feeling nothing at all can happen so quickly. It hurts because I know I can feel, I do so when speaking to others, when I'm around them, but then when without them it's as if I just cease to exist and all those things I told the other person I like, dislike, etc, are no longer true at all and that person I claimed to be dies.

 

[MissAbyss]

Well that's basically the only thing I don't worry about.

 

[Hollowman]

My personality got ruined decades ago. I'm a ghost.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Probably not a personality, a far cry from what it was and that far cry's interaction with society and life is what gives me a form. I have no idea about my nature or what it's meant to be.

 

[SquanderedCarbon]

On the surface, you'd think I have a personality, but it's just acting. Putting on a mask. I can summon the energy to be who everyone's perception of me is. But only for so long before I have to run and hide and "recharge" (sit by myself and stare at the wall and think about killing myself).

 

[Xi-Xi]

I'm kind of feeling this right now, actually. I don't feel empathy, and people call me harsh, which I guess is a personality trait, but otherwise, I'm pretty much numb to everything and everyone.