Are you so dead CTB is too much trouble?

[Fadeawaaaay]

Zero motivation to do anything ….

 

[sharky]

Yup. My energy level is 0 nowadays. I'd just like to go to sleep and not wake up

 

[Of The Universe]

Oh,how I identify with this!!
I'm sitting in me car with a big bag o laundry. The big mystery,will I get up the will to actually wash this stinking pile???

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

For sure. I was tempted to fall asleep at work today. I have no energy, not even enough to care.

 

[Red Scare]

Only because I have been detoxing from a daily fent habit for the past week, and it drained me. I can't even get up to go to the store and get groceries.

But as soon as I have my energy back, I want to ctb.

I'd just like to go to sleep and not wake up

Have you heard the good news, my brother, there is a merciful lord and his name is D, he has the power to save your soul and grant you this request. You only need ask (and pay a tithe), and you will have the means to sleep forever.

JK but seriously. I too would like to just go to sleep and not wake up again. And that is why I will drink a big cup of n at bed time, and go to sleep, like I do every other night except this will be goodnight forever. I'll sleep never to wake again, just like I want.

 

[sharky]

Have you heard the good news, my brother, there is a merciful lord and his name is D, he has the power to save your soul and grant you this request. You only need ask (and pay a tithe), and you will have the means to sleep forever.

JK but seriously. I took like to just go to sleep and not wake up again. And that is why I will drink a big cup of n at bed time, and go to sleep, like I do every other night except this will be goodnight forever. I'll sleep never to wake again, just like I want.

Yup, I'll have to choose between N and fent. Both very peaceful. Knowing that these options exist kind of ease my mind a little in the meantime. 3 weeks ago i was kind of in panic mode because partial was on my mind and there's a big risk to it and then I thought about full suspension which is really scary to me. N and fent and SN are pretty good options.

 

[shrek34]

Yup, I'll have to choose between N and fent. Both very peaceful. Knowing that these options exist kind of ease my mind a little in the meantime. 3 weeks ago i was kind of in panic mode because partial was on my mind and there's a big risk to it and then I thought about full suspension which is really scary to me. N and fent and SN are pretty good options.

Where can you get fent outside of dodgy dealers? Even dark net drug markets refuse to sell it

 

[sharky]

Where can you get fent outside of dodgy dealers? Even dark net drug markets refuse to sell it

I have 2 sources from members of this site. Don't know if they're legit, there's always a risk but fent might be worth it.

 

[Red Scare]

Where can you get fent outside of dodgy dealers? Even dark net drug markets refuse to sell it

I second that. If you know anywhere to reliably obtain it, even the darkweb, please pm me.

Although I would be very careful with it. I already bought it once intending to ctb but seeing as how this was the first time I bought drugs in 14 years of being sober, I ended up using the whole stash like the dumb drug addict that I am, and this resulted in me spending the next 9 months seeking it and using it every day, until recently, when I quit. Now I am in a place where I can't buy any more and I have no drug connections here. I'm sure after not using it the past two weeks my tolerance is low enough to where I could easily od on it again but I'd have to be very careful to just use it to od and not start using again.

I'd also be worried about being scammed. If you are not buying from some kind of vetted seller through the darkweb I wouldn't even bother.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Zero motivation to do anything ….

Was gonna make a post like this before but literally didn't even have the motivation for that.

I am so worried that I'm running out of enough strength to hide my agony.
I might start lashing out at people and get easily frustrated.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Surprisingly no. I'm motivated enough to be fully willing to commit to my suicide later this year though I still have yet to fully complete getting my affairs and notes in order. Luckily I still have time though.

I think even though I'm lazy and unmotivated in almost every other area, life itself is forcing me down this road by repeatedly showing me that killing myself is the path of least resistance and I always, ALWAYS prefer to take the path of least resistance.

Alternatively in my case one could say I'm metaphorically being forced to choose between jumping out of a burning building (with only a pit of spikes waiting at the bottom) or letting myself get engulfed by the flames. The latter option is closer to what I'm doing right now it seems.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Surprisingly no. I'm motivated enough to be fully willing to commit to my suicide later this year though I still have yet to fully complete getting my affairs and notes in order. Luckily I still have time though.

I think even though I'm lazy and unmotivated in almost every other area, life itself is forcing me down this road by repeatedly showing me that killing myself is the path of least resistance and I always, ALWAYS prefer to take the path of least resistance.

Alternatively in my case one could say I'm metaphorically being forced to choose between jumping out of a burning building (with only a pit of spikes waiting at the bottom) or letting myself get engulfed by the flames. The latter option is closer to what I'm doing right now it seems.

Didn't you have your notes all finalized? Are you making extra revisions?

And I relate to the path of least resistance metaphor. I love to take shortcuts.

Also, lately I relate heavily to what you have said about feeling evil. I need to finish myself off to protect others.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Didn't you have your notes all finalized? Are you making extra revisions?

That note I published is still a work in progress which I've been slowly editing and was only at the halfway point when I posted it.

I may have also given myself an extra project that works as another suicide note which I have also only barely scratched the surface of.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

That note I published is still a work in progress which I've been slowly editing and was only at the halfway point when I posted it.

I may have also given myself an extra project that works as another suicide note which I have also only barely scratched the surface of.

Keeping yourself busy I see!
Best of luck on the writing. I hope it captures whatever emotions you want it to.

 

[CiproKilledMe]

LOL I was just telling someone yesterday that I'm so beat down I lack the energy to even CTB. I also lack the balls, but that's a whole other issue.

 

[Gsvko]

Mhm, such a chore

 

[meetapple]

LOL I was just telling someone yesterday that I'm so beat down I lack the energy to even CTB. I also lack the balls, but that's a whole other issue.

I think they are related. It takes energy to get over SI.

 

[CiproKilledMe]

I think they are related. It takes energy to get over SI.

Well then I'm fucked. I can't even muster the energy to make a phone call anymore.

 

[Of The Universe]

I have 2 sources from members of this site. Don't know if they're legit, there's always a risk but fent might be worth it.

Rihanna's last name is Fenty.

 

[S like Siren]

Yes,kinda

 

[ClownMe]

I have no motivation or drive to do anything anymore, so in a sense, yes.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

My bed is my second best friend now. My first is my cat.

 

[sharky]

My bed is my second best friend now. My first is my cat.

I totally love my bed but it probably hates me because I spend most of my time there

 

[LittleBlackCat]

Was gonna make a post like this before but literally didn't even have the motivation for that.

I am so worried that I'm running out of enough strength to hide my agony.
I might start lashing out at people and get easily frustrated.

This is me now.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do see myself as being already dead in a way, I live such an empty existence and I am so tired. There is nothing here for me in this world. It really is so difficult to ctb, I am still alive as it is so hard to leave this world. I just want to be gone without having to go through the whole process of ctb. In my case there is the lack of peaceful way to exit and the fear of failure. I believe that I will have to be desperate to finally leave.

 

[Chiisai]

Got a little motivation after getting my hands on some mint ice cream. Prepping up now.

 

[shrek34]

I have 2 sources from members of this site. Don't know if they're legit, there's always a risk but fent might be worth it.

PM please