Are you similar to your parents? Are you scared to become like your parents? Would you be a good parent?

[noname223]

My parents were horrible when I was a child. But I would probably way worse. I would not abuse my children like beating them up all day every single day. But I am overburdened by my life totally. I could never provide care for a child. The woman I date really wants kids and she is 26...I told her I don't want kids because of my genes. But I have not rejected the idea completely. Adopting might be okay. Whatever.

I think I am a pretty different person compared to my mom. I think the is the care type person. She really cares about and for me. But please why did you beat the shit out of me as a child? I was already autistic. Bipolar is just another layer of torture. I think I cannot postpone suicide until her death. I think my death will hit her extremely hard. She will probably get another stroke. I don't want to have witness the aftermath. I need to be dead. She was a helicopter mom. I would probably neglect my children and disdain myself for it. I think I am way too messed up to raise children. I think if your own education was that fucked up its likely you will repeat similar mistakes. Because you just don't know how a good education looks like. I would probably repeat the mistake of my mom. Projecting my own hopes and wishes on my own children. My mom always wanted to go to college so she emphasized how important education and school is. When I was a hypomanic teenager I wanted to start a political dynasty. Lmao. This is so immature. I knew I was not smart enough to become a high politician so I had a find a smart woman to procreate to create another solider (politician) to fulfil my dreams. Honestlly, this thought is so selfish and fucked up. But at least I am now self-aware about it. There are people who think in a similar way sub-consciously and act on it. I think the thing you long for and never received this is actually very difficult to provide for. I read this in a borderline book. (I don't have borderline). And in my case this would be fully unconditional love. I would probably demand intelligence and dread if I noticed my kid would not be smart. And if I realized it was smarter than me I would probably envy it. And when it would not use its capacities/talents I would probably be unhappy.

My dad was the negligence type in my childhood. I would probably be similar. My mom called him lazy he was depressed though. I am scared to become like my dad when I am old. I think I will kill myself before that happens. He scapegoats all the time refugees for the misery our family is in. He never acknowledges how he has failed his children in our childhood.

I have have a borderline friend. Who has a narcisisstic mom (I suspect with borderline). She says her mom fucked her up as a child and this caused most of her problems as an adult. And she really wants to have kids. And it once sounded that she actually wants to treat her children like she was treated. But I think this was a Freudian slip. Lol.

 

[noname223]

I think it is pretty difficult to be a good parent. But people should think way more before raising their children about potential consequences of their actions.

 

[FinalVoid25]

I would never ever want to bring a new life into this world. A loser like me who can't even understand or live their own life to find enjoyment should never create another human.

 

[TheHolySword]

No interest in being a parent, never really wanted to. No idea if I'm like my parents nor does it really matter. They are good people though. I'm an aunt to my nephew and that means the world to me but I know I would be a horrible parent. I'll be gone soon anyways.

 

[foreverlanguish]

I don't know if I'm anything like my parents, but I wouldn't want to. They aren't the worst parents, but they did a lot of things to me in my life that I feel were pretty bad. I do think I'd be scared to be like them because, if I were a parent, I'd want to be more open minded than be like my parents who're more conservative. I just wouldn't want to have the same relationship with my child as I do with my parents.

 

[Pluto]

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I don't ever want to be a parent. The idea of motherhood makes me nauseous. I'm also aware that I would be a horrible mother. Children require parents/guardians who are patient, understanding, good-tempered, emotionally open, kind, nurturing and mature. I am none of those things. I'm not very nurturing and I tend to get irritated very easily. I also like it when it is quiet, which you don't get a lot of as a parent. Parenthood neither appeals to me and I am also aware that my faults make it so that I really shouldn't even be looking into it in the first place.

I'm actually pretty similar to both of my parents in many regards. I have a pretty good mixture of both of their traits. Sometimes, I feel like I'm becoming a lot like them, especially my mom. I don't like it, tbh. I love my parents but I also don't want to grow up and end up with the same faults that they have.

 

[vampire2002]

i sometimes find myself behaving like my mother, and when i do that horrifies me. i don't want to be like her, but sometimes i am. in some ways i understand why she did what she did to me, but i don't condone it.
i would never be able to be a mother, i have a strong fear of pregnancy and weight gain. and having debilitating contamination OCD, i can't imagine cleaning up after a child every day; the thought of changing diapers is nightmare fuel to me. i get frustrated easily and want to be left alone a lot, which is not good when you have a child, but i value my privacy and free time.
but i also would be too overprotective, as i was sexually abused as a kid right under my mother's nose, i'd always feel paranoid and unable to trust people to be alone with my child.

 

[TopChicken]

"I think if your own education was that fucked up its likely you will repeat similar mistakes. Because you just don't know how a good education looks like. I would probably repeat the mistake of my mom."

I dont think this is necessarily true. This may be the case for people that dont think about stuff like this, but I dont think this is true for the people that do. My own personal home life was/is very toxic, but I feel like I would make a decent parent because of this. It taught me all the things not to do with other people and I feel it made me a kinder person, so as to not cause that kind of pain onto others. This doesnt mean I would be a great parent. I could still royally fuck up in other ways. But it definitely wouldn't be bc I repeated the mistakes of my family.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I am all the worst parts of my parents. I have the laziness, brainlessness, and fearfulness of my mother and the cruelty, callousness, and stubbornness of my father.

 

[:)0=]

One and the only good thing, that I did in my life, I worried about that I would never have children...

 

[SVEN]

I'm a mental patient like my mother, an alcoholic like my father and have no children I know of.

 

[InversedShadow]

In some ways I am, but not in a significant degree, even though Im pretty young I have already chosen a different path than they did in life, not a one of a person who is like into bad things this world has to offer, not a normie etc. contrary to them when they were my age..
Nowadays Im not really as worried anymore that I will become like them, used to but not anymore, it wouldnt be a good thing for me to become like them but Im different enough that it's just hard to imagine, and another thing is, I definietly want to become better than them, in my life, in parenthood, in my relationship.. so that I never dissapoint as much as they did dissapoint themselves and myself back in the day.

 

[Anon_Guy]

I prefer to be dead than to become like my father, and the more I grow older the more I do actually look like him.
So yeah ... difficult situation :' )

 

[scottchy]

I always said I never want to be like my parents. Being an only child my parents Sheltered me like crazy, the gave me everything i wanted or needed.
Sounds great and it was as a kid but it fucked me up royally now.
They also had no understanding of value and class.
Like they had to keep EVERYTHING. My house growing up was always clutter and a chaotic mess.

The ironic part is, I would LOVE to have kids (or just one girl) or hell I've even considered how great I would be as a single dad but I think fate heard the shit talk I was saying about not wanting to be like my parents and how i would be so much better than them.
Fate basically told me "oh you don't want to be like your parents? No problem your shooting blanks now" lol

 

[Forveleth]

I unfortunately picked up a lot of bad qualities from both of my parents and I hate them for that. Therapy showed me that my inner voice (and therefore my thought process) is like 90% direct shit they said to me as I was growing up.

I know I would be a terrible parent because I am royally fucked up in the head. Luckily I was literally still a child when I decided I didn't want children so no chance of that happening.

 

[pulse1]

I unfortunately picked up a lot of bad qualities from both of my parents and I hate them for that. Therapy showed me that my inner voice (and therefore my thought process) is like 90% direct shit they said to me as I was growing up.

I know I would be a terrible parent because I am royally fucked up in the head. Luckily I was literally still a child when I decided I didn't want children so no chance of that happening.

You described my feelings on this 100%. I don't think I'll live long enough to have children, so there's that reassurance.

 

[Namelesa]

I am not much like my dad. I would say he isn't a very understanding and caring person and can often get angry and scary. As I have had to deal with these things from him it made me not want to be like him. Only similarities you could say we have is being able to code and play chess and some other minor things.

I would say I am more like my mum. She is more empathetic and caring and has taken more interest in my hyper-fixations and helping me with gender transition and escaping education. I don't think she is best at these things tho as she can sometimes invalidate or not understand my feelings and can be inpatient with me at times so I try to be better than her especially when I am interacting with other people that struggle with life to extent I do.

As I am anti-natalist I don't want any biological children but I wouldn't be able to adopt as I can't even take care of myself and stuff like my child's education would be too stressful for me as I worry about what would happen to them cus of my own trauma with school. I do like taking care of people like a parent would so I like to care for my dog and being a caregiver to my best friend when he age regresses as they are less stressful than raising a new human being.

 

[Gorbolflungus]

My parents are almost completely different from me in several aspects, they're not bad people by any means but I do find it hard to connect with them. I don't plan on being a parent ever, it's just way too many responsibilities and way too risky, I'd say most people who had children weren't prepared to have children, people romanticize parenthood way too much and never really take into considerations the negative aspects of it.

 

[SadRatQueen]

I'm very different from both of my parents, but I can see glimpses of them within me that freaks me out a lot. I very much want to be nothing like them, but you know what they say about lying down with dogs. As for children? Younger me probably wanted one at some point, but I grew out of it quickly. I am not good enough of a person to raise a human without also possibly fucking them up.

 

[atrophy]

I'm scared to be like my parents.

I guess I will never know if I have become like them or not since I don't wish to be a parent.

Even if I were to become a parent I think I might do a shitty job with regard to my mental illness, I wouldn't want my children to suffer the same fate as me.

 

[yousaidimsweet]

like my mother, i am slightly self-serving and very emotionally distant and awkward. like my father, i am flaky and repress my emotions. like the both of them, i struggle with bouts of depression. i am terrified of becoming like my mother. growing up, she never showed me that she loved me or that she was proud of me - i only ever got that from my father. when i was being molested as a child by someone in our family, she ignored my concerns and didn't bother pressing charges on them and i will never forgive her for that. i'm not a mother myself but if i was one, if someone was sexually abusing my child i think i would take more care to make sure that person never sees my family again. now that i am older and having children is one of those expectations i have imposed on me, i would be alright with having children myself only if i was coming into motherhood with years of therapy and parenting classes.

 

[FoxSauce]

I have a few similarities to my mom mostly.

Would I make a good parent? No. Even I would make a good parent theres a lot of darkness in this world, would be awful for me to put a child through that.

 

[LostLily]

I grew up afraid of my dad , so I'm afraid of being like him

I would be a horrible parent becuase I don't even know how to take care of myself

 

[ventingfrustrations]

I got my suicidal ideation from my mother and trauma from past
(Her last bf did cocaine)

 

[death_by_life]

My mother has always been naïve and somewhat simplistic, believing in winning the lottery and things like that. She lost tens of thousands of dollars in a business scheme that anyone else would have seen coming. My brothers and I were just an inconvenience - she always said that if it weren't for us she would've left and started a new life. She taught me that you absolutely had to have a man to survive, even if he was married and you had to hide it and be the "other." I used to have to sleep on boyfriends' couches so she could have her fun and not be called out for neglect, though there was plenty of that, too. I've now destroyed three other marriages because of that. She's racist and afraid of the world, and has isolated herself into depression and anxiety to the point of dementia (she's hallucinating about spiders and snakes in her house). Her entire life consists of doing really stupid things with money and complaining about things that happened 60+ years ago to anyone in her vicinity. While I'm not racist (consciously, anyway), I'm definitely well on my way to dementia from the isolation, depression, and anxiety. It's absolutely terrifying, and one of the biggest reasons I'm constantly considering suicide. I *will not* live that life.

I'm much more like my dad, which I'm finding out in mid-life because my parents divorced when I was two, and he wasn't around much. He's more intelligent, funnier, and charismatic, but apparently has a temper and a cruel streak, which he passed on to me, along with his paranoia.

My parents absolutely should not have had children. They definitely didn't want us. I don't even know how I came to be; I shouldn't have been born in the first place. I've actively taken steps to not have children, and knew instinctively that I shouldn't. Fortunately now I'm too old to do so and don't have that expectation hanging over me.

 

[NonEssential]

I don't want children, because I can barely take care of myself lol. I'm glad my parents aren't abusive as theirs apparently were. My mom dislikes her mother a lot thanks to this. I don't even know a single thing about my grandfathers.
I think I got my pessimism from my mom and some of the alcoholism from my dad. Idk if I got the suicidal ideation from my dad who tried to ctb when he was a teenager or from my two late uncles who have ctb a long time ago now.

 

[enduringwinter]

Pretty similar I think. Different upbringings made us suffer in different ways but my parents are very sharp, deeply unhappy, convoluted, obsessive, paranoid, esoteric, cruel and insane. They're definitely a match and basically I never had a chance with this background.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'd be lucky and proud to be like either of my parents.

 

[Rymrgand]

I'm definitely the son of my parents. As much as I hate them, I can understand why they behave like they do pretty well. It doesn't justify what they did to me, but they were born in abusive families too. They act like they do not because they like being evil, but because of trauma and fear. And I have that trauma and fear now too. The difference is that I'm trying to be better, or at least to hide my monstrous nature while I'm alive, while they are too far gone to change.

And no, I wouldn't be a good parent. And therefore, I won't be a parent.